As I am exploring and learning this whole publishing process, and hoping to hone my skills, I have been asked to write about a number of topics. Today the topic is how to bring your family together and create closeness between your children. The real answer is make sure and threaten that you will come back from the dead and haunt them if they aren't!
Seriously though, and yes I seriously did tell them that and continue to just for insurance, what my husband and I did was spend time. I think time, as a love language, is so valuable. When you spend time you create a sense of belonging, and community. Kids need to know that they really matter.
I think it starts early. I believe it is important to foster independence and individuality in each of your kids, and celebrate that. We tried to do that by seeing what interested each of them, and encouraging them to explore. Of course, when one of them did something cool, often the other child would want to try too. We usually let that happen. Kids learn from and emulate each other, especially the younger ones to the older ones. It builds a shared bond when they share interests, or areas of shared interest.
All of our kids liked some sort of athletic activity. We would support them, and also insisted that they come support each other. We spent many, many hours at games, meets, and competitions. By the time it was our son Bill's turn, his sisters would groan, but we told them he got dragged to all their events. Both Anne and Megan participated in day long events, Anne enjoyed Track and Field, and Meg rode horses competitively... Bill, because he was the youngest always had to come. Luckily he had a great friend who went with him to many Horse Shows!
Siblings, although from the same parents, are always unique and different, and or course fight. We tried to help them figure out how to do that without killing each other, and work through their anger. Everyone is allowed to be angry, it's what you do with it, that matters. One afternoon, I came home to find Bill dropping a shoe on Megan's head while she was resting on the couch below the balcony. She was 14, he was 9... we had to chat about that technique!
There really is no magic formula, and most of what you do is based on instinct, trusting your gut, and love. When you work from a point of love, and also let's add respect to that, you set up a good base to establish the kind of relationships that are rich, deep, and long lasting. We told our kids that no one would have their back like their sister or brother would. We have witnessed that now that they are all adults. Recently Anne had a lovely little baby girl who arrived early. Bill after a 16 hour day, went straight to the hospital, Meg took off early from a vacation to drive 2 days to get to her sister. My husband and I could not have been more proud.
So, really the best thoughts I can give are to love well, create respect, create trust, and use a great deal of humor! None of us are perfect, and that doesn't matter...
Remember, if all else fails employ my technique... threaten that you will come back from the dead and haunt them for the rest of their lives!!!
Until next time,
Pam
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