Close.. Closer.. Closest...

Hi All!


As I am exploring and learning this whole publishing process, and hoping to hone my skills, I have been asked to write about a number of topics.  Today the topic is how to bring your family together and create closeness between your children.  The real answer is make sure and threaten that you will come back from the dead and haunt them if they aren't!

Seriously though, and yes I seriously did tell them that and continue to just for insurance, what my husband and I did was spend time.  I think time, as a love language, is so valuable.  When you spend time you create a sense of belonging, and community.  Kids need to know that they really matter.

I think it starts early.  I believe it is important to foster independence and individuality in each of your kids, and celebrate that.  We tried to do that by seeing what interested each of them, and encouraging them to explore.  Of course, when one of them did something cool, often the other child would want to try too. We usually let that happen.  Kids learn from and emulate each other, especially the younger ones to the older ones.  It builds a shared bond when they share interests, or areas of shared interest.

All of our kids liked some sort of athletic activity.  We would support them, and also insisted that they come support each other.  We spent many, many hours at games, meets, and competitions.  By the time it was our son Bill's turn, his sisters would groan, but we told them he got dragged to all their events.  Both Anne and Megan participated in day long events, Anne enjoyed Track and Field, and Meg rode horses competitively... Bill, because he was the youngest always had to come. Luckily he had a great friend who went with him to many Horse Shows!

Siblings, although from the same parents, are always unique and different, and or course fight.  We tried to help them figure out how to do that without killing each other, and work through their anger.  Everyone is allowed to be angry, it's what you do with it, that matters.  One afternoon, I came home to find Bill dropping a shoe on Megan's head while she was resting on the couch below the balcony.  She was 14, he was 9... we had to chat about that technique!

There really is no magic formula, and most of what you do is based on instinct, trusting your gut, and love.  When you work from a point of love, and also let's add respect to that, you set up a good base to establish the kind of relationships that are rich, deep, and long lasting.  We told our kids that no one would have their back like their sister or brother would.   We have witnessed that now that they are all adults.  Recently Anne had a lovely little baby girl who arrived early.  Bill after a 16 hour day, went straight to the hospital, Meg took off early from a vacation to drive 2 days to get to her sister.  My husband and I could not have been more proud.

So, really the best thoughts I can give are to love well, create respect, create trust, and use a great deal of humor!  None of us are perfect, and that doesn't matter...

Remember, if all else fails employ my technique... threaten that you will come back from the dead and haunt them for the rest of their lives!!!

Until next time,

Pam

My Bear was a doll named Sister Bell....

Hello!

I was thinking about his whole kid attachment to special objects, toys, blankets, things they love.  Someone asked me if I had something special, I actually had two; my blanket that I remember was soft and warm, and a special doll named Sister Bell!

For those of you who are close to my age (not quite old as dirt....yet) there were two dolls that I remember causing a fuss... the "it" items to have.  One was a really beautiful doll called Chatty Kathy, and the other was a cloth doll with a porcelain head named Sister Bell... I think the head was porcelain, maybe it was harder plastic.  I really wanted the one named Sister Bell for Christmas.  Both dolls were too cool for their time... late 1950's early 1960's, because they talked!  

A few of my friends had Chatty Kathy... she was prettier than Sister Bell, but I did not think she was as cool and as cuddly... Chatty Kathy was all plastic, the kind with the natural sitting position of the legs straight out!  Sister Bell had great big blue eyes and a big smile.  I liked her yellow yarn hair and loved pulling on her pony tail when I was falling asleep... we would have chatted a lot before that, and my Mom may have asked me to stop talking.  I remember that I never felt alone when she and I were together... and that was the best part.

Anne, Max's Mom, had a great big teddy bear that she called "B-Bear" and a blanket that she called her "bunny blanket."   Bill and I would haul this big bear around when we traveled.. he was the kind that you win at fairs.  The irony of the whole bear situation, was that my brother had won him for my husband's sister when they dated a brief time in high school.  Bear had lived at my in-laws house and Anne fell in love with him on one visit.  He still lives on Anne's bed in our house in Libertyville.   Bear is now pretty bald, because what Anne used to do while she was falling asleep was pull all the fuzzy hair out of him!

Megan, our youngest daughter, had a crochet blanket that she used to love to stick her fingers and toes in, and then cover her whole little self up... I guess she used the toes and fingers for anchors!  The blanket, although different in size now, because my husband helped Megan pull a loose string on it and made a big hole, still lives on... at her new apartment in New York.

Our son, Bill, had a blanket too... but the thing he loved most was pacifiers... he would carry anywhere from 2-4 of them around with him, and got really good at talking while he still had one in his mouth to suck on... just in case!  I remember going on a business trip with my husband and when we got back, my Mom had decided that the "binkies" had to go and threw them out.... I think Bill was upset for quite a while!

So, the point here is that when I was writing Max and Bear, and noticing how much Max loved Bear, I thought about the comfort and security that a child gains from their own special "lovey" whatever that may be.  I remembered my very own dear Sister Bell with a smile and thought about my own children, and the comfort and love they all received from the special items they were attached to. It's a good thing... feeling loved and feeling comforted!

You know, maybe if we were allowed to carry something comforting around with us as adults, we might all be less neurotic!

Just a thought.....

Until next time,

Pam

From another lens....

Hello All!

I have been thinking about how fast time goes... maybe that's because yesterday was my birthday!

One of the first calls I received was from my oldest daughter, Anne.  She is the mommy of my muse, Max, and now a beautiful little girl, Josie. As we were chatting, and I do pride myself and Anne on the fact that our tech selves (actually we are not that tech...we keep trying) figured out how to video chat while Anne was breastfeeding Josie, Max was trying to sit on her lap, and she was adjusting the computer screen!

I was very impressed that all of that happened simultaneously and that no one was injured in the process... Not Anne, Not Max, Not Josie... of course not me, because I was in front of a computer many thousands of miles away!

As Anne and I talked (and of course Max too)... I thought about all that Mom's juggle.  Whether you are a working Mom like Anne is, she owns her own business, or a stay at home Mom, or a part-time working Mom, like I was, there is a lot women take care of each day!  Men too, for that matter because it seems like more and more families have Dads who stay at home, or juggle both parenting and work as well.

In all of that juggling I have noticed that most parents do a great job of keeping all the balls in the air.   OK, they probably crash down once in a while, but occasional chaos is not all bad.  It keeps us honest, and hopefully laughing!

So kudos to all of you out there doing the parenting of young children thing!  Keep Juggling!

Trust yourself, you'll always figure it out.

Hey like I said, no one got hurt during our video call yesterday!

Until next time,

Pam

Inspiration

Hello All!


Someone asked me what my inspiration was for writing a children's book, and for writing Max and Bear specifically.

I have talked periodically on this blog, about how I believe a really good parent helps their kids find their way, and then supports around that. One thing I think about, a lot, is that being an effective parent is also modeling behavior that demonstrates how to put your "money where your mouth is."

When you have kids, at first you are clueless as to what to do.  I remember bringing Anne home from the hospital and it took Bill and I most of that first night to realize we should not change her on our bed, unless we put a towel down first!  All of parenting is like that.... you figure out what works through trial and error and intelligent thinking! At least eventually.

I have watched my now adult children become who they are, and have championed their right and desire to find the path that works best for them in their lives.  Each of our children got to hear the message from us, that they should listen to their hearts, and their heads and follow the path that inspired and excited them.  That guidance led to each of them finding satisfaction in what they now do.  Of course we all know that no one is completely happy every day with what they do, but if you can say you love what you do most of the time, you are blessed!

So, I figured everyone was off doing what worked for them, and now it was and is my turn!

In the whole process of evolving and demonstrating how not to be a F*@ked adult, it is important as I said previously, to put your money where your mouth is and evolve too!

To that end, I have been thinking about, and dreaming about writing my own children's book.  I have been working on this for about 5 years, and in that time continued to try and find the right words and story.

Last fall I had the opportunity to accompany Anne and her little son Max, who is the inspiration for this book, on a trip to Europe!  What a time that was and what an amazing experience...

During our trip, I watched Max and his little Angel dear blankie Bear. Max always looked to Bear for comfort and security while he was falling asleep, and when we were out traveling.  Of course Max looked to his Mommy first, yet Bear was always right there.

I observed how Max seemed to actually have his own language with Bear,  and I delighted in the comfort I saw this stuffed lovey give Max! From all of this I had an "AH-HA" moment and, as the saying goes, "The rest is history"!

So, why not go out each day and evolve and grow!  Demonstrate that doing what you love is valuable, important, and a goal to constantly seek, not just for the children we love and support, but for ourselves as well!

Until next time,

Pam

Time for school!

Hello All!

I noticed today, while I was at lunch with my husband, a general sigh in our local park.  All sorts of young Moms were out with their little ones enjoying the fact that school is back in session!

This time of year is exciting and overwhelming for kids, Moms, and Dads.  If your kids are older, you are probably happy to have your day back, and if you are sending your kids off to school for the first time you probably have mixed feelings!

Over the next few days, take time to help establish a good new routine, and then at the end of the week, celebrate!

Ice cream and cookies for kids?  A fun trip to the library?

Wine?  Always a good choice for Moms and Dads!

Until next time,
Pam