Hello All!
Time...what an interesting concept. I have been thinking a lot about this idea in the last week or two. Since I sat down last to write, a bit of time has passed. What do we do with our time? How do we spend it? Does it make a difference what we do with it and how we choose to spend it or use it? Does it cause a change in outcome if we spend our time one way or another? I think it does.
As parents how we spend our time matters. I would like to propose that how we spend our time makes a big difference in the type of lives we give to our children and the type of people they become. I have some experience in this area. Our youngest son has finished his time at college, has graduated and is in the process of moving to New York city with a young woman he cares deeply for. It is their time. Their time now to create their lives and their plan. It has taken my husband and I a lot of time to help him get to this point. To this time in his life where he gets to decide what, where and how his life will look. The time now as my husband has shared with him is to, and I quote "It's time to pack up your shit, move to New York and get a job." Now, that is a pretty clear directive and comment on what time of life our son is in! My husband and I invested the time to help him get to this point. Time spent guiding, directing, redirecting when necessary, and lots of time spent encouraging and most importantly loving him for who he is , for what he wants, for what his dreams are. He is off to begin his life now. It is time, he is ready and the time is his now to design. He is using his time to begin his career in filmmaking.
What really matters during all the time we spend parenting? Of course all parents, good ones, have to spend time thinking about the basics that our kids need. Time spent providing a place to live, food to eat and clothes to wear. After those basics are met, what kind of time will make the greatest difference in helping our kids become competent, confident, moral, able people? Is it important to spend time cooking, cleaning, doing household chores, paying bills, going to work? Yes, because that time demonstrates how to be a responsible grown up. But, after that, what kind of time really makes a difference in determining how your child evolves and grows? I would like to suggest that time, just that, makes a big difference.
I watched the Today show the other morning and their medical correspondent, Dr. Nancy Schneiderman, was on talking about young girls and the upsetting mental illness of anorexia and bulimia. She talked about the importance of family time. The importance of time spent in simple activities like eating dinner together, having an evening conversation as a family. She spoke to the idea that kids need time with us, moments, hours to have us there to listen, to talk,to tuck them in at night. Hours, she said, hours of time given to our children to help them become whole, know their value, know we love them.
There is a new show on TV called "The Big C". This show is about a woman finding out that she has stage four melanoma. The whole premise of this show is how we choose to spend time. What would you do if you knew your time was limited, if you knew your life was going to be shorter rather than longer. How would you spend your time? What would matter, what would you do?
I would suggest that each of us as parents take the time, make the time, spend the time being present in our children's lives. Demonstrate from the very earliest stages of our their lives that they are important to us, so valuable that we choose to give them our most precious resource, time. Time to help them know they are loved, know that we believe in them. Time to help them become all that they are supposed to be and meant to be.
Who knows, when we choose to give our children the time they need to discover who they are, and support them in all they do, maybe one of them might just be in TIME magazine. Recognized as an expert in her field. Someone who has used her time to become a cheesemonger of great renown! Way to go Anne!
Until next time,
Pam
Monday, August 30, 2010
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Passages
Hello!
It of course has been a bit since my last post! I seem to be in that kind of pattern these days, and maybe that actually works better 'cause then I may have more to say that is of some value, at least I hope so.
I decided to call this post "passages" because I am sitting in my daughter's condo supervising her move to Cleveland, Ohio. She is studying for the summer in Oxford, England. She is a teacher and is working towards her masters degree in literature, so that she can be an even more effective instructor to this new group of kids she will be in charge of this coming school year. That in itself is a passage!
Passages are interesting. They are actually an ongoing part of life, kind of like the ebb and flow of tides. As with the tidal change, kids change, parents change and families change. Sitting here, of course I am thinking about change. A big change is in progress right now! Our youngest daughter, having accepted a new job in a different state, is making a big change. She is moving to a new area, Cleveland Ohio. She has been there only a few times. She went for the interview, found a new place to live and now is taking that next step to relocate. Move, change begin anew. As her new passage begins, so does one for my husband and myself. We now have all 3 of our children living in different states!
In an earlier post I spoke to a question I was asked by a merchant in our small town who knows all of my children and what they are up to. He had asked didn't I miss my children when they were not geographically nearby? I of course said yes! But, here is the thing, I have had and am continuing to have the opportunity to design my life, on my terms. I owe that same courtesy and opportunity to my children.
My husband and I have guided our children through the passages of infancy, childhood, adolescence, the teen years, college and early adulthood. Looking back, it is amazing to be at this place, this passage, this time to realize that all 3 of our kids are grown ups...architects of their own lives.
I have the pleasure of working with young parents in my job as a preschool teacher, and get the chance each year to watch these parents grow, evolve and move through a passage in their parenting as they launch their children into the world of organized "school". I love this opportunity! I really love what I do, working with the parents as well as their lovely children. I think that part of my job is to see if I can help these young parents navigate their own passage through this phase of parenting. The letting go, the trusting of their children to someone else. Allowing their children room to discover and become more independent, self aware, and self confident. The very beginnings of letting go, which will continue throughout their life as their children grow. The start of cultivating, encouraging, supporting children in their attempts to design their own lives. A life that plays to each child discovering and embracing their interests, their strengths, their desires. One of the basic tenets of good parenting; help children become the best possible version of themselves, a version created in their image, not yours!
So, as I sit here and reflect on this passage of ours, my daughters, my husbands and mine, I think to what I hope is each parent's wish. The ability to help your children become who they are meant to be. The ability to give your children all that they need throughout each passage of their lives. To "fill up their buckets" to be present in their lives, to be aware, to love unconditionally. After all that, then take the time to celebrate when they move forward, move on and even move to Cleveland Ohio to being their own next chapter. A chapter I can not wait to read!
Until next time,
Pam
p.s. coming soon...part 2, next up a move to New York!
It of course has been a bit since my last post! I seem to be in that kind of pattern these days, and maybe that actually works better 'cause then I may have more to say that is of some value, at least I hope so.
I decided to call this post "passages" because I am sitting in my daughter's condo supervising her move to Cleveland, Ohio. She is studying for the summer in Oxford, England. She is a teacher and is working towards her masters degree in literature, so that she can be an even more effective instructor to this new group of kids she will be in charge of this coming school year. That in itself is a passage!
Passages are interesting. They are actually an ongoing part of life, kind of like the ebb and flow of tides. As with the tidal change, kids change, parents change and families change. Sitting here, of course I am thinking about change. A big change is in progress right now! Our youngest daughter, having accepted a new job in a different state, is making a big change. She is moving to a new area, Cleveland Ohio. She has been there only a few times. She went for the interview, found a new place to live and now is taking that next step to relocate. Move, change begin anew. As her new passage begins, so does one for my husband and myself. We now have all 3 of our children living in different states!
In an earlier post I spoke to a question I was asked by a merchant in our small town who knows all of my children and what they are up to. He had asked didn't I miss my children when they were not geographically nearby? I of course said yes! But, here is the thing, I have had and am continuing to have the opportunity to design my life, on my terms. I owe that same courtesy and opportunity to my children.
My husband and I have guided our children through the passages of infancy, childhood, adolescence, the teen years, college and early adulthood. Looking back, it is amazing to be at this place, this passage, this time to realize that all 3 of our kids are grown ups...architects of their own lives.
I have the pleasure of working with young parents in my job as a preschool teacher, and get the chance each year to watch these parents grow, evolve and move through a passage in their parenting as they launch their children into the world of organized "school". I love this opportunity! I really love what I do, working with the parents as well as their lovely children. I think that part of my job is to see if I can help these young parents navigate their own passage through this phase of parenting. The letting go, the trusting of their children to someone else. Allowing their children room to discover and become more independent, self aware, and self confident. The very beginnings of letting go, which will continue throughout their life as their children grow. The start of cultivating, encouraging, supporting children in their attempts to design their own lives. A life that plays to each child discovering and embracing their interests, their strengths, their desires. One of the basic tenets of good parenting; help children become the best possible version of themselves, a version created in their image, not yours!
So, as I sit here and reflect on this passage of ours, my daughters, my husbands and mine, I think to what I hope is each parent's wish. The ability to help your children become who they are meant to be. The ability to give your children all that they need throughout each passage of their lives. To "fill up their buckets" to be present in their lives, to be aware, to love unconditionally. After all that, then take the time to celebrate when they move forward, move on and even move to Cleveland Ohio to being their own next chapter. A chapter I can not wait to read!
Until next time,
Pam
p.s. coming soon...part 2, next up a move to New York!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)