It’s been a while since I took the time to talk about
something that I hope will add inspiration, calm, and perhaps a giggle about
the whole parenting escapade.
Being a parent is one of the hardest jobs in the world,
especially when you are trying to be mindful of doing a good job and not mess
your kids up too much. Realize though, that messing up (just a bit) makes kids
more interesting! :)
I was about eight months pregnant when our youngest
daughter, Megan, sat me down to explain to have a “chat.” If you know Megan as
an adult, you will understand that she had a precocious way with words even as a
little girl, as she was only four and a half when this happened.
Megan said we should sit in the living room. She sat on the
couch and had me sit across the room from her… not too far, but on a side chair.
She meant business.
I asked her what she wanted to talk about and what our
meeting was about. She looked at me, and began to talk about having a baby. She
said something like, “Well, I have been thinking about this, and I have decided
that three kids are just too much for this family.”
You can imagine my state of mind as I listened. Obviously,
this was extremely important to her. I had to think about how to validate what
she was saying, not send off any vibes that I was dismissing her feelings,
while also acknowledging the obvious—I was quite pregnant!
As I looked at her cute little face and saw how serious she
was, I had to think about what she was really concerned about, and see if I
could get to the bottom of that. I asked, “Megan, why do you think that three
kids are too much for our family?"
Because kids are absolutely the best and most honest people
on our planet, she looked right at me, and said immediately, “Because you won’t
have enough time for me.”
Ahhhh… and there it was, the fear of being left out and
marginalized.
I thought for a minute and asked if it would be ok if I came
over and sat by her. She gave me permission to do that.
I sat right next to her, put my arm around her and told her
how important she was to me, and how glad I was that she shared her feelings
with me. I then asked her what I could do to make her feel better.
She thought for a moment, and as only kids can do, said
“Well, I’m okay, but don’t spend all your time with the baby. Can we play
now?” I hugged her again, and off we
went to play!
I haven’t been the perfect parent, but I think I got it
right that day. I respected my four year old as a person, validated what she
was saying and acted accordingly.
I think it’s such an important premise to treat children as
the people they are—that day, I did it right.
Until next time,
Pam
Pam
