Hi!
It's Wednesday, not Tuesday, I know. I am late composing because I may or may not have been busy watching one of my children on T.V.! :)
So... this week I have been thinking a lot about the phrase, "Not in my image." I suggested in my very first blog, that one of the tenets of being a good parent is not to try and create your child in your image, or your imagined image of what they should be. I am going to tell you a tale of Two Fathers. (I of course am creating this tale, based on true stories)!
Once upon a time there were 2 fathers. One father chose to spend his professional life as a minister, the other father chose business as his profession. Both fathers had sons. I imagine they were both very excited about all the possibilities of what their sons could and would become!
The first father, spent time with his son and sent messages to his son that he wanted him to listen to his advice and do what he said and follow his path, the path that he felt his son should choose. Now I don't know all the particulars, but I do know that this son had other ideas. His own ideas of what he wanted to do and be. He tried to communicate these ideas to his father, but his father said he knew best and cared not one bit what his son thought. As time passed this father continued to tell his son what he thought and wanted his son to be.. and continued and continued and continued, until one day his son imploded, had a horrible fight with his father, even physically attacked him, and left.
The second father spent time with his son too He sent messages to his son of what he thought and ideas about what he thought his son would like. This father had really enjoyed sports during his youth and hoped his son would too! What a great thing to do together and to share. This son, however, really really liked movies! He made movies with his army men, he made movies with things he made from clay, he made movies with all his friends. His father smiled and thought, hmm movies!
One day, this second father and his son found themselves on the same basketball team. The son had tried basketball and his father, excited that his son wanted to try sports, had volunteered to be the coach. One day, in the middle , or actually near the end, of a very big game, the team ran out of subs. They all had been injured. This father asked his son, who was on the bench, to enter the game...he was needed because all the subs were out! This father's son said, "Can't do that Dad. I am filming the game." His father was exasperated! He really needed his son to enter the game, but his son said no again and said he needed to take the film. This father finished the game with only 4 players.
Now, as life went on this son grew and changed and his father listened and watched and suggested. This son found he did love sport too, but chose football. He and his father shared that together.
Time passed quickly, as is so often does, and it was time for this second father's son to make the next step. Decide what path he would take . His father listened and suggested and then helped his son fill out all the applications he needed to go to college. The son and his father were overjoyed when the acceptance letters came! He was accepted into a University with a great football program... and received his first choice of colleges.
That summer before college as the time approached to take his son to school, the second father helped his son get ready. They packed all the important items he would need. They packed his cameras. They packed his lenses, the ones needed for near and for far shots. They packed his new computer, the one specially made with Final Cut Pro, the editing program he would need for the films he would create.
This second father's son was going to Film School......Hmmmmm imagine that!
Until next time!
Pam
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Like a fine wine!
O.K...so my title this week is telling!
I have been thinking this week about a publication I picked up last week called "Wine and Spirits". It's a magazine I like to get once in a while, and this last issue was all about the best 100 wines in California and France and a few other world wine making regions.
I began to browse through the list of all the wines listed and started to think...I wonder what makes each of these wines great and how each of these winemakers accomplished creating such a great bottle of wine. My mind wandered, as it is often prone to do, and I thought..hmmm this reminds me of parenting!
Each winemaker begins with nothing except a vine. He has to decide where to plant it. What type of soil to plant the vine in. The quantity of water and sun exposure the vine needs. He has to know when to prune the vine to cut off the parts he thinks will compromise the grape, and finally decide when to harvest the grapes that the vine has produced!
Now...isn't that a great metaphor for parenting?? ( If my daughter, who is an english teacher reads this, she may admonish me if I have used the wrong english concept!) When we are brand new parents and get presented with this beautiful new baby, we have all the same choices to make as the winemaker does. We have to decide where and how and what to do to help this brand new child become an excellent person!
I think that being a great parent is just like being a great winemaker! We have to decide what this particular vintage of child needs! Some need lots of sun, some need lots of rain, some need extra pruning, and some even need to be left alone a lot to thrive. We, as the parents , like the winemaker, have to decide, and then provide precisely what each child needs. Some children need lots of attention. Some children need extra reassurance. Some children need tight parameters. Some children need gentle guidance. Some children need more time alone. All children need LOTS of love
As any parent who has more than one child knows, each one is different! It doesn't matter that they came from the same parents, each one has different needs, much the same as each newly planted season of grapes. The requirements to produce a great wine change each year. Each vintage of wine asks the winemaker to be an artist as well as a scientist. Knowing what the basic requirements of making wine are, the great winemakers know something else. They know that to create an excellent bottle they must also know the art of winemaking, the subtle nuances needed to manipulate and nurture their vines just right so they produce the exquisite grapes needed to create a wonderful bottle of wine.
Great parents need to do the same things. They need to know what the basic requirements are for caring for their children, and then like a great winemaker, know the art of parenting. They need to know how to nurture, care for and provide just the right ingredients each of their children need. When you do that, imagine how wonderfully each of your children will grow!
Who knows, maybe one day your own efforts could be rewarded. Your children may be highlighted in national publications, or recognized in school district publications, or begin making their own films.. and then, best of all, thank you for helping them get there!
Until next time,
Pam
I have been thinking this week about a publication I picked up last week called "Wine and Spirits". It's a magazine I like to get once in a while, and this last issue was all about the best 100 wines in California and France and a few other world wine making regions.
I began to browse through the list of all the wines listed and started to think...I wonder what makes each of these wines great and how each of these winemakers accomplished creating such a great bottle of wine. My mind wandered, as it is often prone to do, and I thought..hmmm this reminds me of parenting!
Each winemaker begins with nothing except a vine. He has to decide where to plant it. What type of soil to plant the vine in. The quantity of water and sun exposure the vine needs. He has to know when to prune the vine to cut off the parts he thinks will compromise the grape, and finally decide when to harvest the grapes that the vine has produced!
Now...isn't that a great metaphor for parenting?? ( If my daughter, who is an english teacher reads this, she may admonish me if I have used the wrong english concept!) When we are brand new parents and get presented with this beautiful new baby, we have all the same choices to make as the winemaker does. We have to decide where and how and what to do to help this brand new child become an excellent person!
I think that being a great parent is just like being a great winemaker! We have to decide what this particular vintage of child needs! Some need lots of sun, some need lots of rain, some need extra pruning, and some even need to be left alone a lot to thrive. We, as the parents , like the winemaker, have to decide, and then provide precisely what each child needs. Some children need lots of attention. Some children need extra reassurance. Some children need tight parameters. Some children need gentle guidance. Some children need more time alone. All children need LOTS of love
As any parent who has more than one child knows, each one is different! It doesn't matter that they came from the same parents, each one has different needs, much the same as each newly planted season of grapes. The requirements to produce a great wine change each year. Each vintage of wine asks the winemaker to be an artist as well as a scientist. Knowing what the basic requirements of making wine are, the great winemakers know something else. They know that to create an excellent bottle they must also know the art of winemaking, the subtle nuances needed to manipulate and nurture their vines just right so they produce the exquisite grapes needed to create a wonderful bottle of wine.
Great parents need to do the same things. They need to know what the basic requirements are for caring for their children, and then like a great winemaker, know the art of parenting. They need to know how to nurture, care for and provide just the right ingredients each of their children need. When you do that, imagine how wonderfully each of your children will grow!
Who knows, maybe one day your own efforts could be rewarded. Your children may be highlighted in national publications, or recognized in school district publications, or begin making their own films.. and then, best of all, thank you for helping them get there!
Until next time,
Pam
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
The Basics
Hi,
It's Tuesday!
I have been spending a lot of time thinking about this week's blog. Over the course of the last week, I have had the unique opportunity to spend many hours conversing with one of my adult children about parents and parenting. Her profession requires her to spend lots of time with young adults. This has led me to the idea that before I continue to comment on styles of parenting and parenting choices, I first need to talk about the basics!
In thinking back to what I have written these past few weeks, I realize that parenting is perhaps an even greater challenge than I had originally considered.. and I consider that parenting is hard. Are we victims to the type of parenting we receive? Are we destined to make the same mistakes over and over? Does our economic status create the type of parent we are? Do we have any choice in what type of parent we are? Do cycles have to repeat? I can not claim to have a definitive answer. I do claim however, to have passionate opinions and strong instincts.
When I was talking with my daughter about the issues she is confronted with daily, I began thinking about parenting and choices adults make. I don't think that anyone who brings a child into this world begins with the premise of how can I mess this lovely little being up! I do think that life and the places we have come from can make being a good parent harder. I don't think that economics is a defining factor in who will or will not be a good parent. Sometimes adults from even the best of life's economic groups make lousy parents! We can read about this any day in publications from around the world !
Good parenting is a conscious choice. Is it harder if you have to spend more time than others wondering how to keep your kids safe and how to get food on the table? I suppose it may be, but what about the parents who don't have any of those worries and still make lousy choices? I suggest that good parenting is an absence of selfishness . Good parents choose in their child's best interest. Good parents make the hard choice. That hard choice may be to feed their kids instead of themselves, or not go on that fancy trip because their child has a performance or event they would otherwise miss.
Good parenting means that you put your child first, that once you bring that person into this world your needs are secondary. Your child's needs are first. Good parenting means you continually demonstrate that your children are important through what you do, not just what you say. My Dad used to say "Do as I say and not as I do!" I love you Dad, but I disagree. Good parenting means that you take the time and all the time that is necessary to do the right thing. Good parenting means you work hard to both say and do the right thing. If you mess up, and you will because we are all human, try again!
Demonstrate through your thoughts, and words and most importantly your actions that your children come first. That you are there for them, that you love them unconditionally and that they can count on you. Those basics don't cost a thing.
Back to the basics. The basics of good parenting, they don't cost a thing and just might create a priceless commodity..
Healthy, well adjusted adults!
Until next time!
Pam
It's Tuesday!
I have been spending a lot of time thinking about this week's blog. Over the course of the last week, I have had the unique opportunity to spend many hours conversing with one of my adult children about parents and parenting. Her profession requires her to spend lots of time with young adults. This has led me to the idea that before I continue to comment on styles of parenting and parenting choices, I first need to talk about the basics!
In thinking back to what I have written these past few weeks, I realize that parenting is perhaps an even greater challenge than I had originally considered.. and I consider that parenting is hard. Are we victims to the type of parenting we receive? Are we destined to make the same mistakes over and over? Does our economic status create the type of parent we are? Do we have any choice in what type of parent we are? Do cycles have to repeat? I can not claim to have a definitive answer. I do claim however, to have passionate opinions and strong instincts.
When I was talking with my daughter about the issues she is confronted with daily, I began thinking about parenting and choices adults make. I don't think that anyone who brings a child into this world begins with the premise of how can I mess this lovely little being up! I do think that life and the places we have come from can make being a good parent harder. I don't think that economics is a defining factor in who will or will not be a good parent. Sometimes adults from even the best of life's economic groups make lousy parents! We can read about this any day in publications from around the world !
Good parenting is a conscious choice. Is it harder if you have to spend more time than others wondering how to keep your kids safe and how to get food on the table? I suppose it may be, but what about the parents who don't have any of those worries and still make lousy choices? I suggest that good parenting is an absence of selfishness . Good parents choose in their child's best interest. Good parents make the hard choice. That hard choice may be to feed their kids instead of themselves, or not go on that fancy trip because their child has a performance or event they would otherwise miss.
Good parenting means that you put your child first, that once you bring that person into this world your needs are secondary. Your child's needs are first. Good parenting means you continually demonstrate that your children are important through what you do, not just what you say. My Dad used to say "Do as I say and not as I do!" I love you Dad, but I disagree. Good parenting means that you take the time and all the time that is necessary to do the right thing. Good parenting means you work hard to both say and do the right thing. If you mess up, and you will because we are all human, try again!
Demonstrate through your thoughts, and words and most importantly your actions that your children come first. That you are there for them, that you love them unconditionally and that they can count on you. Those basics don't cost a thing.
Back to the basics. The basics of good parenting, they don't cost a thing and just might create a priceless commodity..
Healthy, well adjusted adults!
Until next time!
Pam
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Cherish is the word!
Hello!
I am pretending that today is Tuesday!
I was out of town this last weekend and was thinking a lot about my children, who are all now adults, and smiling because they are all doing things that I may or may not have imagined them doing. I like that phrase in one of the Hallmark cards or signs that we all have seen, that says "Cherish your children for who they are, not for what you want them to be." How great a statement that is!
I know that each of us has hopes and dreams when we get that little person the first time. We get to hold that brand new body and marvel at the miracle that life is. One of my friends just became a grandmother and I can hear it in her voice.. marveling once again at her new grandson,imagining all the things he can become.
You know, I think that can be one of the hardest parts of being a parent. Of course there are lots of hard parts, but this part asks each of us to really be a grown up. We have to put our own desires aside and fill each of our kids buckets with what floats their boats! I like that phrase "fill their buckets". I saw that someone actually wrote a book about that and I thought..DARN..I was too slow. That phrase is a good visual because it gives us all an image we can utilize in parenting well. Think about it, if you take the time to help fill your child's life bucket with all the things that matter to them, provide opportunities for them to explore what excites them, listen to what is important to them, and keep adding to it, they will have the best tool necessary to find their own way. That doesn't mean their life will be without challenges, but it does mean that they will be better equipped to handle life on their terms. If you're at the beach sometime, watch a child as they make a sand castle. When the sand bucket is full and filled to overflowing, the castle stand up on it's own! Voila! (that's french for ta da!) there is a solid foundation for more to be added and the castle has the chance to become a masterpiece impervious to the elements around it!
So take the time. Look, listen, suggest, (not nag) and see what excites your child. Fill up their bucket, make it overflow with all sorts of good stuff so that when life presents its challenges, and you know it will, their castle can stand strong!
You never know. You could get a phone call like I did last week saying that one of your children gets to go to Washington and meet with one of the White House chefs! Who ever imagined that one of my children would have a career in cheese? Certainly not me!
Until next till next time!
Pam
I am pretending that today is Tuesday!
I was out of town this last weekend and was thinking a lot about my children, who are all now adults, and smiling because they are all doing things that I may or may not have imagined them doing. I like that phrase in one of the Hallmark cards or signs that we all have seen, that says "Cherish your children for who they are, not for what you want them to be." How great a statement that is!
I know that each of us has hopes and dreams when we get that little person the first time. We get to hold that brand new body and marvel at the miracle that life is. One of my friends just became a grandmother and I can hear it in her voice.. marveling once again at her new grandson,imagining all the things he can become.
You know, I think that can be one of the hardest parts of being a parent. Of course there are lots of hard parts, but this part asks each of us to really be a grown up. We have to put our own desires aside and fill each of our kids buckets with what floats their boats! I like that phrase "fill their buckets". I saw that someone actually wrote a book about that and I thought..DARN..I was too slow. That phrase is a good visual because it gives us all an image we can utilize in parenting well. Think about it, if you take the time to help fill your child's life bucket with all the things that matter to them, provide opportunities for them to explore what excites them, listen to what is important to them, and keep adding to it, they will have the best tool necessary to find their own way. That doesn't mean their life will be without challenges, but it does mean that they will be better equipped to handle life on their terms. If you're at the beach sometime, watch a child as they make a sand castle. When the sand bucket is full and filled to overflowing, the castle stand up on it's own! Voila! (that's french for ta da!) there is a solid foundation for more to be added and the castle has the chance to become a masterpiece impervious to the elements around it!
So take the time. Look, listen, suggest, (not nag) and see what excites your child. Fill up their bucket, make it overflow with all sorts of good stuff so that when life presents its challenges, and you know it will, their castle can stand strong!
You never know. You could get a phone call like I did last week saying that one of your children gets to go to Washington and meet with one of the White House chefs! Who ever imagined that one of my children would have a career in cheese? Certainly not me!
Until next till next time!
Pam
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