Building Family

Hello all!

It has been quite a while since I have actually attempted to write something here that is more than a quick note or thought. I am going to attempt to correct that today.

During this past month my family and I have had the opportunity to share a range of emotions and experiences. We shared the holidays and all that goes along with that. We shared a family trip to an exciting Sporting event . We shared the opportunity of dinners and time spent. Most importantly, we shared the death of a beloved family member...the patriarch of our family. We shared the life and the death of my husband's father, my children's grandfather, my lovely mother in laws beloved husband.

I watched this family function through all of the events of this past month. There was a lot of time and space and thought shared. Each member is unique, but the common thread here was that everyone was present. Everyone came together to celebrate the life of my father in law, and honor him in his death. Everyone showed up. He would be proud.

In all that has occurred, I have thought constantly about family and what that means. Family is the core of our lives..the very reason we are even brought into this world in the first place. There are all sorts of examples of families. Ones that work well, ones that don't work well, ones that are blended with stepchildren and biological children. Families with adopted children. Families with one parent, families with grandparents taking the lead..O.K...you get it! There are lots and lots of models of family, and every family has it's own personality, and it's own way of functioning. In thinking about all of that, I say that family is the core. It is the building block of people. People that start out little and end up big. How well little children become big people, truly well functioning adults, I believe, is in large part based on the family that has been built around them

Every child is born into some sort of family. I would argue that as the adults who bring children into the world it is our obligation to build and model the best example of family we can for our children. Every family of course has it's nuances, it's quirks, it's dysfunctions. But, and here is the "BIGGY", we can all choose to continually strive to be better. To work on building ourselves, to work on building family.

There is no model of a perfect family. Perfect is a word that inspires fear in me! There exists no such thing, (except maybe a perfect diamond, and Elizabeth Taylor bought all of those!). I like the word excellence better than perfection. Everyone can strive for excellence. Excellence means that of great merit...extremely good. I know this because I just looked it up in the dictionary! I think that if everyone of us who brings a child into the world would strive for excellence in ourselves and in the family we create, our society would be full of highly functioning individuals. People who can make good decisions, people who can do the right thing, people who have high ethics, people who would not need to be in the tabloids!!!!

Think about it. If we all choose to consider how to build good families, families that work hard to love and care for each other, we may help eliminate the need for many mental health services that people need. We may even help solve the nations health care crisis in part by doing what is needed and what is best for everyone in our families. We can choose to build a family that is strong and functioning and loving...not perfect but excellent!

Remember, excellence is not perfection. Excellence means extremely good, of good merit! So..choose excellence. Your family will thank you!

Until next time,

Pam

Gifts

Hello!

I am writing today after a long holiday. I am also writing today as my father-in-law is quite ill. It is to this that I want to talk about the gift of parenting.

My father-in-law is not a perfect man or a perfect father. He is a good and principled man who has always tried to be the best father he could be to his children. I have known him a long time and know that he has struggled along the way, as all human beings do. He had his failings, all of us do.

We do not have to be perfect people to be good parents. Being a good parent requires one thing. It requires that we love our children and try always to do our best for them. That is the gift that this man gave all of us who are lucky enough to know him.

Until next time,
Pam