Hello...
So, yes I think that I am going to be at war with the person or persons who wrote the book called "Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother". I was just driving home and listened to a talk radio person say that they were going to be interviewing some moms who aspire to this concept. I don't know if I am going to take the time to listen, I do know that it bugged me enough to come home and begin to write this post.
One of my main tenets of parenting and parenting well is the idea that once you have a child and once you bring a child into this world, you, as the first person and first priority ends. Of course parents, and especially parents who choose to take on the job of parenting as their full time job, don't have to give up themselves, but I do believe, and this is of course always my opinion, you do have to set yourself aside for a while. You don't have to be the ever sacrificing mom that becomes frankly, really annoying, but you do have to be the type of Mom and in general parent who knows that your main job is to help your kids figure out their lives and themselves. To that end, BAH!!!! to this Tiger Mother concept.
As always, anything I write here is my opinion and it goes without saying that no one has to like, believe or even buy into what I am saying. But, here is the throw down. I am going to say this and say it with the fierceness that my poor old computer is experiencing right now as I pound this out. Literally, I am pounding these words out!
The concept of creating competent adults does not begin with the idea of ownership. We do not own our children. They are entrusted to us, and by my beliefs, from someone who knows a lot more than me, and is lending me these great little people to help mold into wonderful competent loving beings that will be able to go forth and make a difference in this world. I believe that the job of a good parent is to listen to their child, provide opportunities, give guidance and see what floats each child's boat. I believe that parenting is about mutual respect, parents respecting their children and from that children respect their parents. This idea of the "Tiger Mother" sounds like good old fashioned bullying.
I have an excerpt that I am reading, from the magazine called "The Week." In this excerpt Amy Chau is quoted as saying that she yells and screams at her to kids to get them to comply and even calls her kids "garbage" if they show her disrespect and threatens to burn her children's stuffed animals. Any sane person would have to question the value of what an adult who is promoting her parenting style has to say, when they admit to this type of behavior. I think this whole idea must be one that was thought up to make money, and promote herself.
The idea of parenting is not based on what we as parents want. At least in my book of parenting it isn't. Parenting of value, is based on love, unconditional love, respect, and valuing the child as a person of substance. I think that the concept of creating fully functioning adults is based on dong what is best for your kids. Being the parent, providing guidance, loving unconditionally and trying your hardest to "fill up your kids buckets" with good stuff. Good stuff that lets them know they are people of value and substance. I do not believe that anyone who chooses to call their children garbage, and writes about it, is doing any of that.
There are of course as many ways to raise kids as there are parents in this world. But, just because you have kids and are a parent does not make you a good one. Kids learn what they live. Kids develop their sense of who they are and what is important from the adults in their lives. I guess if you follow Amy Chau's thoughts you could have compliant kids, you could have kids who do what their parents say, kids who follow the path that their parent chooses for them. Is that the ultimate goal? To have children who become what the parents design?
I don't know. Call me crazy, call me soft. I think that parents are to celebrate their kids, guide their kids, love their kids, praise their kids (OH GOD FORBID!) and help them find the right path to adulthood for each of them. A path that is designed by the very person who is going to live the life. The child, the kid, the children that we are given to help develop.
My parenting manual does not include name calling,and bullying. My parenting manual DOES require that each of us who bring children into this world respect them and because of that respect, always try to be mindful of doing the right thing. The right things like helping kids discover who they are, and who they are meant to be. Children's lives are not ours to live. We already got a shot at that.
"Tiger Mother" BAH! That is just another title for adult bully!
I wonder if the department of children and family services would give her a call?
Passionately
Until next time,
Pam
