On the idea of pausing intelligently….

I am on Facebook.  I like to search for posts that provide me with new thoughts, or ideas that hit a nerve.

I like to share those posts on my Author page… and hope that what I choose to share, makes a difference to someone who reads it, or at least causes a moment of thought, a time to reflect… pause.

Today, while searching, and taking time to catch up on posts, and work I had not done, I came across an author: L.R. Knost.

As I reflected on what this author was saying, I thought about the wisdom of her words. 

One of the posts I read today, provoked me to write about the “Intelligent Pause.”

I have raised three children who are the inspiration behind this blog.  They are all competent adults now,  working, participating in society and raising children of their own.

As a parent, and those of us who are parents know this, it can be hard to find the right words, the right response, and the right reaction to our children’s behavior.  It can be hard all the time, but especially during the trying developmental stages of toddlers and teenagers.

I like to think that I was, and am, a pretty darn good parent.  Yet, there were definitely times I was less than that, actually far less than that, putrid even.

I remember times when one, or two or all three of my children were acting inappropriately, being naughty, pushing buttons.  I remember loosing it and yelling at them, loudly!

And, I wonder, would the ability to have paused for that brief moment before I reacted, made a difference in my children’s emotional and psychological health?

I am pretty darn sure the answer to that question is a resounding “YES!”

Truly, I am not kicking myself here for mistakes made, because honestly, we all make them.  It’s part of being human, fallible, and imperfect.  Yet, I do think that the ability to pause, even for a brief moment before you react will make a difference. 

It will allow you to respond to your children in a way that is healthier for everyone… you and them.  

Being a good parent is hard.  It is a job that takes years to perfect, and even then, we all will mess up.  I know I have.

Keep trying.  Keep trying each day to pause before your react… take that extra moment to breathe, settle yourself and then respond. 

It will be worth it.  Your kids will benefit, and you will too.

Then, when you just can’t help yourself and you mess up, because face it, we all will, apologize to your kids.

Hmmm… I took time to pause in my paragraphing…

Did it give you a moment to think?

The “Intelligent Pause”…. Take time to try it.

Until next time,

Pam

 

Bullying… How do we stop?

I was reading an online paper today that had a short video attached.  It told the story of 3 girls sitting at a bus stop; two were bullying one.

The interesting story line attached was “What would you do?”

As the video played out, ( I do not know if the girls, all middle school age, were actors and knew what the intent of the video was, or if this was real) a variety of adults entered the screen.

The setting was a bus stop, and the three girls were sitting on a bench talking.  Two of the three began to belittle, mock and harass the third.

As adults came onto this scene, it was interesting to watch what each chose to do, and if they chose to intercede.

The adults ranged in age, race, and gender.  Most of them chose to help.

What would you do?

I know I would choose to help.

Kids can be mean, we all know that, but to witness it happening, and choose not to intercede, is cowardly.

Kids need to know that they matter. 

As I was thinking about this I can still remember being picked on by mean girls… I was in Junior High, and it was hard.

The messages we receive from other kids stick! All these years later, I can remember, where, when and who.

All of us can help.

What’s the answer?

We can’t be there to protect our kids from instances like this, but we can arm them with ideas, and strategies, on how to handle it.

We can demonstrate though our behaviors, and actions how to treat others well. 

Remember, actions always speak louder than words.

 Be an example.

Don’t be an adult bully…

Kids who witness bullying from their parents, and who are bullied at home, repeat and practice what they learn.

Here’s an idea; use the word STOP as an acronym to give your kids simple and easy ways to make a difference!

S- SAY SOMETHING

T- TELL SOMONE

O- OBJECT LOUDLY TO WHAT YOU SEE

P- PREVENTION--- DON’T PARTICIPATE

Being bullied hurts… it hurts in ways that can scar deeply. It leaves kids with low self-esteem that may take years to work through.

When we choose to be part of the solution and empower our kids we can make a difference…

Choose to help.

Teach your kids well.

Be part of the solution!

Until next time,

Pam

Life’s Most Important Lesson…

One of my trusted guides in this whole writing process has suggested different topics for me to ponder and pontificate on… well, maybe she did not say pontificate, but discuss.

As I read through my topic list this morning, one idea struck me.

What is the most important lesson I have learned in life?

I have looked at that topic and passed right by it many times.  I thought, what IS the most important lesson?  Seemed too heady for me.

Now, as I thought about it this morning, it’s not.

The most important lesson I have learned in life is…to be kind.

Being kind.  That sounds mundane, boring, trivial even.  But it’s not.

Having worked with children for many years, and most recently with young children, one of the classroom rule’s we always had was to be kind to each other.

My teaching partner and I always thought that was a great goal… but the best part was that the KIDS came up with that!

They actually said, “We should be nice to each other.”

Their words not ours.

Amazing how us grownups can screw that up.

Being kind seems like it should be simple. 

Don’t we start to hear that message at a young age?  Be nice to you sister or brother, be nice and share your toys with your friends.  Be nice to the people we meet at the store… etc.

But, is being kind simple?  Is it as simple as the lessons our parents tried to teach us?

I don’t think so.

As an adult, being kind takes work. 

Being kind means that you are going to choose to treat someone else well…maybe even better than yourself.

Being kind means noticing.  Noticing other people around you. Noticing if someone seems down, or off, or like they’re having a bad day.  Noticing even when it’s not convenient.

Being kind means taking the time.  Taking the time to say something nice, do something nice, or even just smile at someone else.

Being kind means deciding.  Deciding to notice others, and consciously be aware of people around you.

Little kids, if you watch them, are really, really, good at this.

While teaching preschool, I saw this often.  If someone came into the classroom and was having a hard time saying “bye” to Mom, or just feeling off, kids knew.

They were naturally intuitive to others, and would always try to help.  A simple gesture was often just asking, “Are you sad?” accompanied by a sweet little kid hug.

It always made a difference!

So, today, as we go about our busy adult lives, why not take the time, decide, choose and notice people around us.

Be kind to someone.  They will notice.   It matters.

Until next time,

Pam

Brainy Benefits….

A young mom shared an article with me this week written by Camille Vicino.

If my computer skills allow, I will try and also attach it for you at the end of this blog.

After having raised three children, who are all literate, and after helping hundreds of young children in my teaching career, I know that books, being surrounded by them, having them in your home, and hearing them read to you, helps kids brain develop.

Of course, my training as a teacher impacted how I raised my kids, and from the time they could sit on my lap, we started reading.

The words kids hear, when we spend talking with them, and reading to them expands their own sense of the world around them, and leads, I believe to natural curiosity.

All three of my children love to read.  They are adults now, and one has children of her own; she reads to her kids all the time.

It’s so fun to watch kids react to books.  I used to get so excited at the beginning of each school year as I planned what new stories I wanted to share with all my little 3 and 4 year olds!

I now get to have even more fun watching my grandchildren enjoy some of the same great stories my own children loved, as well as my favorite books from preschool.

Kids and books are just such a natural combination. 

I love the efforts of organizations that help give books to kids.  In our area in northern Illinois, Bernie’s Books, does a great job reaching children who need books to keep at their homes.

With the beginning of school, it’s a great time to set up a planned and promised reading time at your house… even if it’s just a few minutes at bedtime each day, kids will love it and benefit from it.

Here are some ideas from the article I mentioned at the beginning of this blog from the American Academy of Pediatrics:

·     Read to your child every day, even if only for a few minutes.  It is your time together.

·     Make reading fun.  You don’t have to finish a story if your child loses interest.

·     Let your child choose the book even if it means reading the same book over and over again.

·     Invite your child to “read” to you from a familiar book that he/she has memorized from.

·     Stop and ask about the illustrations or what your child thinks will happen next.  The answers may amaze you.

·     Read from a variety of children’s books, including fairy tales, poetry, and nursery rhymes.

·     Follow your child’s interest in choosing the books.  There are many great books on non-fiction subjects such as the ocean or dogs.

·     Join your local library

There you have it! 

Go out and read… just for the fun of it… it will make a big difference in your kids’ lives.

And… yay for me!  I attached the article…

Until next time,

Pam

http://www.ahchealthenews.com/2015/08/31/brainy-benefits-of-reading-to-your-kids/

The Waiting Game….

I was having coffee with a good friend of mine yesterday.

We chatted about a lot of things, as we always do, and broached the topic of “Waiting”.

Now waiting, as a word, is not a bad thing…it’s part of life, but we were talking about it as something Moms do… a lot.

First, you wait nine months for the baby to arrive.  Then you wait for the first smile, the first time your baby rolls over, the first time they crawl, the first time they stand up, the first day of school...

You get the gist!

This whole waiting thing is not particular just to Moms, but for the sake of this conversation, I am being female centric… and talking about Moms.

To be honest, I was complaining to my friend… she understood.

Throughout my life, to this point, I have spent countless hours waiting for other people to do whatever it is they need to do, and then doing whatever it was I needed to do.

Now in life we can’t always get what we want, I know that.  There’s even a pretty famous song refrain to that effect from the Rolling Stones.

But… sometimes we women need to forget all that waiting and take what we need!

Right now, as I sit in Starbucks in my little town, I am inundated with young girls, probably around 11-13, and they are all waiting.

They are waiting for the others, or the leaders in the group to tell them what the plan is and where they are going…hmmmmm

Maybe this waiting for others thing is taught to women at a young age… maybe it’s socialized into us!

As my friend and I were debating yesterday, we decided that waiting for everyone else was making us crabby.

We don’t want to wait for others anymore. 

We want to do what we want, when we want, and no offense intended to anyone else, we’re just over it!

Maybe girls are taught from the very beginning to be nice, to defer to others, to take a back seat…

Being a nice person is not a bad quality… it just can’t come at the price of waiting for everyone else first…

I think my friend and I are going to practice balance… we don’t want to be nasty, just maybe a little less nice.

Maybe we’ll make a slogan or something that says…

“Wait no more!  Take what you need, be bold!”

Just a thought…

Until next time,

Pam