Wishes and Dream

Hello All!

Hope everyone is well and enjoyed summer. Can't quite believe it is over...almost!

As Autumn approaches, and I start to get ready for a new school year where I have the delightful (my new favorite word) opportunity to meet new children and new families, I take pause to think about wishes and dreams. Lofty things they are!

Every parent has a wish and a dream for each of their children. I would hazard a guess and say that most parents have many wishes and dreams for their kids! If a parent chooses to say they don't, I would think they are fibbing. (Don't want to come right out and say they may be liars). I know that my husband and I had lots of dreams and wishes for our kids, and frankly, still do.

Our children are now all grownups and out on their own. There is a lot of satisfaction that comes from that. But just cause they are grown, does not mean that I have stopped having wishes and dreams for them in their now adult lives. On the contrary, I think my wishes and dreams are bigger, and probably loftier. I wish them life, and health and love and work that satisfies them. I know those are lofty dreams and big wishes, but those are the ones I have, and I know that my husband would agree. By the time your kids are grown, and on their own, you hope that you have shown them how to find their own ways well. I would like to think that we have done that for our kids. By all appearances, I think we have. Yet, each day I start my day with a prayer that our children will find their way well and through the opportunities and challenges life may present that day.

When kids are little, we can control more of their lives and what components are in them. We get to pick their preschool, we get to decide what type of elementary education they will have, public or private, we get to guide them all the way through the process of picking the right college. Then, they leave! At this point you have spent countless hours wishing and dreaming for your kids and the type of life they will have. Parents, you will have invested hours too numerous to calculate, trying to guide your children to the path that seems best for them, and may even have had to step back as your growing child chose a path that may have been different from the one you had hoped. That is the problem, and the opportunity for us as our children grow. Parents who take time through the process of their child's life to evaluate, and re-evaluate, what are the wishes and dreams you have for your children, and what are their wishes and dreams. With each year your child grows, those paths may not be convergent, and their lies the growth for us as adults and parents. How to know when to put our wishes and dreams aside, and embrace those of our children.

Now, if your preschool child wishes to jump of the high dive at the pool because your older child did it, that does not mean you need to allow them to. I am being silly of course, but my thought is that common sense and good judgement are always the guides to letting go and allowing our children to be more in charge of themselves. As each child grows, we can look and evaluate and let go, and pull in or pull back as needed. I know a good friend of mine is going through a struggle with her teenage daughter, and so has decided she needs to pull her back in some. That may not be the wish or dream of her daughter, and yet it is the parent's job to assess delicately what is the right thing to do. Ultimately, through respect and love our kids see that what we are trying to do is help them find their own way well. A path that will lead them to realizing their dreams and wishes. I suspect that many parents are in that process right now as a new school year begins. The art of helping their kids realize how to accomplish the wishes and dreams they have for this new year. I also really do know that as the year evolves, goals will need to be adjusted and realigned in order for kids to accomplish what is important and necessary.

The art of parenting. I have said this before, and truly believe it. For those adults who choose to be invested, involved and educated in the process of parenting, finding the nuances of how to parent artfully is a skill and a challenge. Anyone can tell their kids what to do, but the artful parent will practice skillfully the tenets, in my opinion, of good parenting: loving unconditionally, setting apporiate limits and boundaries, using the scary word "NO", doing no harm, and ultimately helping their kids find their own way well, the path that best suits them. A path that will lead our kids to the type of life they hope for and wish for. A life that will help them realize their own dreams.

Wishing and dreaming.

I know that my husband and I have spent countless hours wishing and dreaming for our son, Bill. His hard work and pursuit of his own dreams are continuing to come true. He called me the other evening, quite excited. He then sent me and his Dad the Call sheet for the MTV project he is working on for Tuesday, August 30th. He is now listed as "Camera Operator B 2nd assist"! He has come a long way from filming his army men on the pool table in our basement!! Way to go Willow!

Wishes and dreams...they are big things. What would our lives, and the lives of our children be without them?

Until next time,


Pam

I