Phase .01

Hello!

So to begin the next phase of this blogging attempt of mine.

First, I want to put a disclaimer on here that my grammar and spelling, although I will attempt to be correct, may not always be.  I have discovered that although I feel I have become more able with this whole computer thing, I still have more that I don't know to learn. Yes, I am sure that there are many tools, links, apps, I have no idea about, and so far, for the last 56 years, I have been fine without them.  I will continue to attempt update my skills, yet I do not have a deadline for that accomplishment.

As I said in my last blog, already a whole month ago, I am going to try a new format idea.  Maybe format is not the right word, but a new way of sharing.  I had to first ask all my kids, and by all I mean 3, if it was okey dokey with them if I actually talked about them in this next attempt, and they said "Yes".  We will see if that stands... :)  I have of course shared some stories about them throughout the past 3 years in my blogging, but here I want to design this next part as a "How to Grow a Family" idea, and all that comes with that...all that my husband and I know of what we have done and shared and learned up to this point.  And, we are at a new point...we are about to become Grandparents for the first time.  A new chapter, a new chapter for our whole family, each and every one.  Bill and I will become Grandparents, and the main character is yet to be announced...we do not know who this baby is, or even if it is a he or she.  Anne and Patrick are going to be parents for the first time, I suppose they technically already are, or there would be no baby on the brink of arrival.  My other children Megan, and Bill and Bill's fiancee Megan, are about to become aunts and an uncle....a big new chapter for all of them too!  I know I had a phone conversation with my daughter, Megan, yesterday and she was informing me that her goal is to be a big player in this new person's life.  When I talked with Anne today, she said Bill and his Megan are excited about babysitting. And, Bill and I are renting an apartment in New York for 6 weeks, at the request of Anne and Patrick, to be there. To help them, to be right down the street instead of a plane ride away...so here we go!

I titled this Blog Phase .01 because I thought it was clever ( self serving of me) and thought it described  the facts.  Anne and Patrick and all of us in this family are about to be part of a big new adventure, yet we are all still in the waiting phase.  I also thought about calling this blog a number of other things, like
"No Clue", "Blissful Ignorance", "What Have We Done", "No One Told Me", you get the idea.

I had the chance today to have a lovely conversation with Anne, one of the main players in this new endeavor, about how she was feeling and what she was doing.  She shared with me that she was talking recently to a number of new Moms who took some time off before the baby arrived to settle and get organized and catch their breath before the baby arrived.  I told her I thought that was an idea that held a lot of merit.  Yet, knowing my daughter, she will decide for herself what makes sense, and how these last few weeks of waiting will look for her.  I told her what I thought....that was it.  She gets to make up her own mind.

And, so we come to the part of the blog that I think really gets to it.  When you are expecting your first child, you really, and I mean really, have NO CLUE about what your life will become quite shortly.  I know that I shared a story in one of my previous blogs, about the first night we brought Anne home from the hospital.  Every time we brought her into our bedroom to feed her, we thought it would be a great idea to change her diaper on our bed, and it took us 6 times to realize that maybe that was not a good idea, as she peed all over our bed each and every time.  REALLY?  Yes, really...you would have thought that given the fact that Bill and I both have college degrees and are, in my opinion, pretty smart people, that we did not need that big of a learning curve, yet we did!  I laugh now and love to share that story, and it also speaks to the heart of parenting, trial and error.

No one truly knows what it is like to be a parent until it actually happens.  I know that Bill and I had a rough idea of what we were hoping to be and do as parents.  I know Anne and Patrick have talked about it.  I love them both, yet know although the talk is good, important and necessary, all it is right now is talk.  Becoming a parent is an action verb.  Parent is a noun, and parenting is a verb.  When we become parents, we spend the rest of our lives in the action verb phase.  I know that at 56 I am still in that phase, and love it.

I told Anne today as we were talking, that although you can imagine what holding your baby will be like, you can not anticipate the unadulterated joy and unconditional love you will feel and have once you get to actually meet your baby.  I shared with her again, how I felt holding her.  Soon, I will get to hear her version of that unique, life changing event.  I can't wait....

Let the games begin..... I am off to buy a crib and and some other new baby bed that connects right to Anne and Patrick's for the baby's first months.......and attend a Baby Shower in New York, where I am the Grandmother to be....WOW!

Until next time,

Pam

Firsts

Hello!

It is the first of firsts I am thinking about. The first time I have sat down to write in a while. The first day I have not gone to preschool the day after labor day for 20 years. The first September without my Mom. The first fall I am totally in charge of myself. The first time I am contempalting a grandchild. The first time I am trying to figure out what to do with myself for a long long time.

Today I saw Jamie Lee Curtis on the Today Show. I like her. She is a woman who seems to take on life as she sees fit. I also like what she had to say about her life, and how it has evolved. She shared with the host on the show, Natalie Morales, (sorry if your last name is spelled incorrectly Natalie) that life presents it's way to her. She said she is not one of those people who makes a plan and works a plan. She is the kind of person who opens herself to ideas, and then sees what happens.

I like that thought! My husband is a planner extrordinaire. He makes a plan, works a plan, and delivers on the plans he sets. I on the other hand, have always been a more "fly by the seat of my pants" kind of gal. ( I love that word "Gal"). I have generally designed my life around major events and chapters in life. I finished highschool, went to college, got married, raised our family, started teaching preshool when our youngest went to school...etc. Now, for the first time, I have no life event to plan my life around or decide what my next step should be.

Jamie Lee Curtis has written a new children's book. That is why she was on the Today Show in the first place. To promote her book. I think I may have to get it. I think she said it is about taking risks and the things we as parents say to our kids all the time. Things like "Go ahead! Try something new. Believe in yourself. Take a risk. Join a new group at school. Try it what do you have to loose" and other parent type things we all say to our kids as they are growing up. I have personally said most if not all of those things to my own children. Now, guess what? I have to say them to myself.

So, now I think the first thing I am going to do is figure out how I want to re-tool this blog. I have some ideas, I have some thoughts. Now I just have to go ahead and try something new.

I still say all those types of things to my adult kids. I guess now I will have to put my money where my mouth is and do it!


Stay tuned...

Until next time,

Pam

The Gift...addendum

Hi!

My Husband's mantra is:

Decide what you want to tell people
Tell them
Tell them again

Here's my point.
1.) Stuff happens
2.) Decide how to deal-be a good example to your kids
3.) Do something that matters
4.) Make a difference

I choose to ask all of you to check out-

skinofsteel.org/


We all have skin. It matters!

Until next time,

Pam

editing....

Hmm...still working on how to edit effectively.

The Gift I don't want to Give...

Hi!

I have been sending out little "bloglets" ( my new term) as I figured out how to write this post. Here goes...

Usually when I write, I sit in our dining room and look out the front windows. Today I am mixing it up, and sitting at our kitchen table and scanning the backyard. It is actually lovely outside. A breeze is blowing in, and scattering my papers around.
The papers filled with scraps of thoughts and ideas about what this blog will say.

The last blog I wrote I title "Life and it's Stuff". I liked the title, still do. It is true. The longer we are all around, the more stuff we have. Don't believe anyone if they say they don't have any "stuff", cause they are just big fat liars.

Since I wrote that last full post, I have ended my career at the Preschool where I was fortunate enough to have taught for the last 20 years. I think it is 20 years, if not, it is 21 or 19 or maybe even 22, but a long time. During the time that I was deciding to change my life, and try different things, spend energy in other places, life decided to give me a kick. Here's my story.

I was being a good adult. I was doing what my dermatologist had told me to do. I was following up with him every 6 months to take good care of myself and my skin. Three years ago, I had these funky looking red bumps appear in a spot on my skin. We, my doctor and me, spent about 6-8 weeks trying to figure out what those bumps actually were. It turned out to be Melanoma-insitu. YIKES! I was concerned and scared. Whenever anyone hears the "M" word it is scary. My doctor took good care of me, and so I thought, WHEW that is the end of that. Well, this past April when I went in for one of my ongoing checkups, my doctor noticed that near the same area, there was a skin lesion that looked darker to him. I of course thought it looked just fine. It was not just fine. It came back as Melanoma- insitu again. I had to have 2 different surgeries to get rid of the cells from this spot. The first surgery was relatively easy, it was out patient and required just a few days of resting my arm. When I went to have the stitches taken out, the surgeon said the pathology had come back that the Melanoma-insitu was not all gone. She needed to go back in and take a larger section out. I was surprised. I had not planned on this. (Duh!) The second surgery required a lot more. I had to have anesthesia, and be out for the procedure. She also took 6 other spots off my torso that my derm had suggested be removed while we were doing this anesthesia thing. It is now 2 months, and I am good. My arm was quite a site after the last surgery, and I am grateful that the pathology came back clean.

Why am I writing about this? Because, life gave me some "Stuff" and I had to figure out what to do about it.

In my post May 20th, I talked about being a parent when life and it's "Stuff" happens to our kids. What do we do about it and what is our role. My kids are all adults now, so what I hope to do is show them how to be a good adult. When you have little kids, your goal is to get them there...get them to adulthood, help your kids become all that is needed to be independent, competent, successful individuals. People, in fact! People who are able to stand on their own and know what to do when "Life and it's Stuff" presents, because it will.

Now, as our kids are growing, we have a chance to show them some examples of how to be. Since I am an officially retired Preschool teacher, I am going to periodically use the names of some of my favorite kids books while I write. There is a great kids book titled "How to Be" what the premise of the book is about is how to be a person, all the characteristics necessary to be a good person. I like this book, it is simple and entertaining. I was thinking about this. What do we need to do as parents to show how kids "How to be"? I know that along the path of raising my kids I could say I acted like a whole variety of characters out of kids literature. But, to send the right message and attempt (yes attempt) to be a good example, we parents may have to do a little trial and error, because, after all, we are all human. I would suggest that we need to be like the wise mother owl in "Owl Babies" who knows what her babies need and so provides that, instead of the chicken in "Chicken Little" always running around yelling "The Sky is Falling!" Through our behaviours and our words, we need to show our kids love, consistency, caring and stability. Of course it is fine to be human and not always be perfect, but keep on trying. I know for myself I had to actually demonstrate my own "human-ness" when I was sacred this spring dealing with Melanoma. I had to show my kids that I would not be like an ostrich who sticks it's head in the sand and hopes bad things go away, but deal with it and figure it out.

That leads me to the next part of my story. I feel compelled to get this part right. Through my journey this spring with Melanoma, I learned that a young father of 3 children in our school, is dealing with Stage IV Melanoma. I know this family. I taught their 6 year old daughter when she was 3. I have learned of their struggles and trials and hopes in working to beat this disease. In doing that, I then learned of a woman who has been dealing with Stage IV Melanoma for 7 years....which is quite remarkable, and not the norm. She, Susan Steel, started an organization called Skin of Steel, which is working to help find new treatments, trials and an eventual cure for this horrible disease, Melanoma.


So, why am I bringing all of this up here? Because, it is important. Part of parenting, and truly an important part, is to teach our kids how to "deal". Deal with all of life, not just the good stuff. I chose the title for this blog "the Gift I don't want to Give" because Melanoma is something I have had to deal with and I don't want my kids to have to deal with it. So, what can I do about that? I can help them know how to take good care of themselves, and I can help educate them.

I have learned that their is a remarkable organization right here in Chicago working to break barriers and defeat this disease called Melanoma. As I said above, the name of the organization is Skin of Steel. Look it up, check it out. It is not in my wheel house of skill sets to sell. I am an educator, a person who likes to help, a person who likes to teach people. That is what I am doing.

In life we get to choose only a few things. I am learning that.

Today, I chose to share this story.

So, to continue my Preschool lit comparison, here goes. I am choosing not to be like "Wemberly Worried" I am going to try to help figure out "What's Going On in There" and then learn, act, and decide "What to do With a Tail Like this". In doing so, I hope to continue to teach my adult children how to deal with life as effectively as they can, and to take the time to try and make a difference when it matters. Making a difference in working towards effective treatments and cures for Melanoma, now THAT matters!

If you choose, check out Skin of Steel. I guarantee it will matter.



Until next time,

Pam

What's Coming Next...

Hi!

What has been percolating around in this head of mine? I am excited to write later this week...

Pam