Hello All!
So today is the beginning of the next phase of one of my children's lives! We are traveling down to Austin Texas today. Our son is a senior at the University of Texas and tomorrow we get to be part of the viewing audience of his film for his senior project. His culmination of 4 years worth of work and study.
Lat night I got a chance to have a conversation with him as he was on his way home after spending the better part of these last few days locked up in a variety of editing labs. He sounded exhausted of course, but also exhilarated! What could be better than that? He is finishing up one part of his life and will soon start the next. We talked about the fact that he graduates next week and within a short period of time, will start planning for his move to New York city.
From the time this child of ours was tiny, (well actually he was never tiny because he is 6'8" tall) we watched him manipulate cameras and army men and props, and even his friends into mini films. We watched all of this unfold, and encouraged and supported him to pursue what excited him. Now, tomorrow, we get to see a new amazing phase in this process. His film will be on the "big screen" in Austin Texas. I knew this would happen...I just didn't know where.
Today I was listening to the radio and the commentator was presenting his views on what kids should do as they contemplate college. It is of course graduation time and that lends itself to this kind of conversation. His daughter, I gathered was graduating high school, and he was discussing what type of advice he has given her. He has told her that she should choose a major that will provide her with the type of monetary future she would like. This is is his opinion, which is just that, and of course all well and good, but I say NO NO NO!!!
Life is too darn short to spend your time just making money. I believe that parents want always, what is best for their kids, at least the parents who I am talking about here, but isn't it a whole lot better to tell them to follow their dreams, do what excites them, pursue their passions? How great it is to spend your life doing what excites you...the money will follow. Now, of course if we are talking making millions, that is another story, but how many successful people do you read about do what they hate?
Hello! No One!!!!!
I talked last weekend with a business owner in the town we live. He know all of my kids and always asks about them. He asked where they all were and what they were doing. I shared with him that our son is going out east, that our youngest daughter is looking at jobs all over the country and that our oldest is still happily ensconced in New York City. He asked me didn't I miss them when they move, and do not live nearby? I told him of course I do, but and here is the big BUT...it is not up to me to design their lives. They get to do that. They have earned that right and that respect from me and their Dad. Our goal has never been to create our children in our image. Our goal has been, and still is, to help them find their own voice, their own design, their own way.
So, Good Parents, help your children find their own way; not the safe way, not the way you think works best, but their way. Help them cut the cord and find the life they are meant to lead! You never know where that will lead them.
Our sons plan led him to Austin, Texas. I know I am going to relish the opportunity to see our sons film, his vision on the movie screen this weekend! I can't wait to go! I did of course, tell him I won't wear a long gown, this time...
I will reserve that for his Hollywood premier!
Until next time,
Pam
Friday, May 14, 2010
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Cutting the Cord
Hello!
Since the last post I have been thinking a lot about how to cut the cord, cut the strings, fly the kite, let the kite soar, all those sort of descriptions for letting your kids fly on their own.
I have 3 adult children. It does not mean that I am done parenting. When you have adult children you are on an" as need basis" versus parenting younger children where you have daily contact and responsibility. I have talked in some of my earlier posts about parents and style of parenting. I have commented on squeezing too hard and knowing how and when to let go. Well, I have decided that those decisions never end!
When you kids are little the decision of how to and when to step out and let your children navigate on their own is based primarily on safety and judgement issues. Little kids need specific instruction, monitoring and help making the right choices for themselves. Our job I think then is to let the line out a little at a time as kids demonstrate their ability to make good and healthy choices and move forward well. As our kids grow each age requires us to let the line out more and more until inevitably the line is let all the way out. The decision parents have to make then, is to see how well each child is doing handling all that freedom. Some kids can handle a lot at an earlier age and seem to be able to fly pretty well, and some kids need you to keep reeling them back in until they get it right! The tricky part for all of us parents is to be able to gauge how each of our children are doing and help them through life's process. Parenting is like a good barometer, you check for progress and if you see an impending storm you plan for it and make the necessary corrections or supplies available!
I thought that after parenting teenagers my job would get easier. For the most part that is true, but the catch here is that I have truly discovered that a parents job is never, ever done. Being a good parent is a life long process, and some of the tricky parts are always there. The trickiest part is knowing how and when to cut the cord, cut the string, snip away at the string etc. etc. Letting go and letting our kids fly on their own.
Most of my friends are of course close in age to myself and so have kids that are grown or almost fully "cooked" as I like to say. A number of us now have kids who are graduating from college and beginning to look for jobs and some of us have kids who are looking for new jobs or different jobs or just plain any old job, along with deciding where to live and who to date and if they we want to get married and all sorts of similar grown up choices! Thinking about all of this makes me know that parenting just takes on a different look as our kids grow. My friends and I are no less interested in our children now than we were when they were little. Actually, sometime we are even more interested because the decisions that our kids have to make are that much bigger and more important. The difference is our job now is to be on the sideline, not the front line.
Each and every day of a parents life has time spent thinking about our kids. I guess that with each age comes wisdom. The wisdom to know how and what our kids need from us to be able to be and continue to be their most competent and complete selves. I am now learning that cutting the cord has just one literal meaning. The actual even that takes place after birth when the real umbilical cord is cut between mother and child. After that, cutting the cord is all symbolic and I am not sure that actually ever completely happens!
So, Good Parents...keep loving your kids well. I am 53 years old and still working on it!
Until next time,
Pam
Since the last post I have been thinking a lot about how to cut the cord, cut the strings, fly the kite, let the kite soar, all those sort of descriptions for letting your kids fly on their own.
I have 3 adult children. It does not mean that I am done parenting. When you have adult children you are on an" as need basis" versus parenting younger children where you have daily contact and responsibility. I have talked in some of my earlier posts about parents and style of parenting. I have commented on squeezing too hard and knowing how and when to let go. Well, I have decided that those decisions never end!
When you kids are little the decision of how to and when to step out and let your children navigate on their own is based primarily on safety and judgement issues. Little kids need specific instruction, monitoring and help making the right choices for themselves. Our job I think then is to let the line out a little at a time as kids demonstrate their ability to make good and healthy choices and move forward well. As our kids grow each age requires us to let the line out more and more until inevitably the line is let all the way out. The decision parents have to make then, is to see how well each child is doing handling all that freedom. Some kids can handle a lot at an earlier age and seem to be able to fly pretty well, and some kids need you to keep reeling them back in until they get it right! The tricky part for all of us parents is to be able to gauge how each of our children are doing and help them through life's process. Parenting is like a good barometer, you check for progress and if you see an impending storm you plan for it and make the necessary corrections or supplies available!
I thought that after parenting teenagers my job would get easier. For the most part that is true, but the catch here is that I have truly discovered that a parents job is never, ever done. Being a good parent is a life long process, and some of the tricky parts are always there. The trickiest part is knowing how and when to cut the cord, cut the string, snip away at the string etc. etc. Letting go and letting our kids fly on their own.
Most of my friends are of course close in age to myself and so have kids that are grown or almost fully "cooked" as I like to say. A number of us now have kids who are graduating from college and beginning to look for jobs and some of us have kids who are looking for new jobs or different jobs or just plain any old job, along with deciding where to live and who to date and if they we want to get married and all sorts of similar grown up choices! Thinking about all of this makes me know that parenting just takes on a different look as our kids grow. My friends and I are no less interested in our children now than we were when they were little. Actually, sometime we are even more interested because the decisions that our kids have to make are that much bigger and more important. The difference is our job now is to be on the sideline, not the front line.
Each and every day of a parents life has time spent thinking about our kids. I guess that with each age comes wisdom. The wisdom to know how and what our kids need from us to be able to be and continue to be their most competent and complete selves. I am now learning that cutting the cord has just one literal meaning. The actual even that takes place after birth when the real umbilical cord is cut between mother and child. After that, cutting the cord is all symbolic and I am not sure that actually ever completely happens!
So, Good Parents...keep loving your kids well. I am 53 years old and still working on it!
Until next time,
Pam
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)