Hello!!
Life has been getting in the way....am cooking up new thoughts!
Will write soon!
Pam
Monday, April 26, 2010
Thursday, April 15, 2010
It all starts at home...and the never ending story!
Hello!
This week I spent a good deal of time talking with my colleagues at school. It is parent-teacher conference time, which always lends itself to discussion of family and children. We were debating how to have productive conversations with parents, and the best way to do that. While having this discussion, we talked about all the different types of parents and family models we get to see and observe in our jobs. It is such a rewarding profession! We get to work with lots of little children and hopefully make a difference in their lives and their development.
One of the general consensus observations we came to is that family and the model it presents, is tremendously important in the development of children. At the school we work at, we are fortunate to have parents who are almost to a family, very involved and invested in their children's welfare. It is rewarding to work in this type of setting since most parents already "buy into" the idea that parenting and how you do that makes a big difference in the way your child develops and how they "turn out"! I love being able to affirm that thought process as we talk during our conference time together.
As my partner and I were meeting with our parents this morning, it was wonderful to be able to share stories and our observations about their children when they are in school. It is also quite interesting to see the parents respond and have them comment on how the behavior or trait we may be talking about, is one they also see in themselves. On the other side of that idea is the parent who sees the behavior or trait we are discussing as one that they have observed in their spouse, and even perhaps a sibling or a grandparent. So, parenting makes a difference, but so does genetics. Some types of characteristics are just part of each one of our DNA! When we talk with parents about behavior that is dissimilar to their personalities, we comment on how part of each one of us just "is". We are all, in my opinion, born with a certain disposition. From that point, it is up to parents to figure out what to and how to help their children tap into the best parts of themselves and become the best people they can become. One of the fathers we had a chance to talk with today shared that his parenting vision is to provide lots of opportunities for his children. Open the door, so to speak, and see what excites them. I love this idea! It means that this parent knows his job is to help his children figure out what excites them and what avenues to explore. Here is an example of how it truly does all start at home. The opportunities and experiences we provide for our children make a difference in what they will become and how they will design their lives.
The other topic I thought about this week is the idea of "The Never Ending Story". This is an actual movies title of a children's film. I know this because my daughter and my nephew watched this movie so much when they were little that I think they wore the cassette of the film out, yes, I am dating myself here. My point here is that while I was contemplating what to discuss with parents at conferences I also spent time talking with my colleagues about all of our grown children. Every one of us has children who are now adults, and either in college or graduated from college. We laughed at ourselves because here we are thinking about all these young parents and their children, while also knowing that we still spend a ton of time thinking about and sometimes even stressing about, how to help our grown children. Parenting truly is a never ending job and it does all start at home.
So, start well at home. Think about your kids and what is best for them. Know that when you take on this job it truly is a life long journey, a never ending story. A job that can not be forfeited, you do not get to send your child back to Russia, like the adopted mother did that I read about in yesterday's Chicago Tribune. Good parenting...It all starts at home and is a truly "Never Ending Story"! Enjoy the journey!
Until next time,
Pam
This week I spent a good deal of time talking with my colleagues at school. It is parent-teacher conference time, which always lends itself to discussion of family and children. We were debating how to have productive conversations with parents, and the best way to do that. While having this discussion, we talked about all the different types of parents and family models we get to see and observe in our jobs. It is such a rewarding profession! We get to work with lots of little children and hopefully make a difference in their lives and their development.
One of the general consensus observations we came to is that family and the model it presents, is tremendously important in the development of children. At the school we work at, we are fortunate to have parents who are almost to a family, very involved and invested in their children's welfare. It is rewarding to work in this type of setting since most parents already "buy into" the idea that parenting and how you do that makes a big difference in the way your child develops and how they "turn out"! I love being able to affirm that thought process as we talk during our conference time together.
As my partner and I were meeting with our parents this morning, it was wonderful to be able to share stories and our observations about their children when they are in school. It is also quite interesting to see the parents respond and have them comment on how the behavior or trait we may be talking about, is one they also see in themselves. On the other side of that idea is the parent who sees the behavior or trait we are discussing as one that they have observed in their spouse, and even perhaps a sibling or a grandparent. So, parenting makes a difference, but so does genetics. Some types of characteristics are just part of each one of our DNA! When we talk with parents about behavior that is dissimilar to their personalities, we comment on how part of each one of us just "is". We are all, in my opinion, born with a certain disposition. From that point, it is up to parents to figure out what to and how to help their children tap into the best parts of themselves and become the best people they can become. One of the fathers we had a chance to talk with today shared that his parenting vision is to provide lots of opportunities for his children. Open the door, so to speak, and see what excites them. I love this idea! It means that this parent knows his job is to help his children figure out what excites them and what avenues to explore. Here is an example of how it truly does all start at home. The opportunities and experiences we provide for our children make a difference in what they will become and how they will design their lives.
The other topic I thought about this week is the idea of "The Never Ending Story". This is an actual movies title of a children's film. I know this because my daughter and my nephew watched this movie so much when they were little that I think they wore the cassette of the film out, yes, I am dating myself here. My point here is that while I was contemplating what to discuss with parents at conferences I also spent time talking with my colleagues about all of our grown children. Every one of us has children who are now adults, and either in college or graduated from college. We laughed at ourselves because here we are thinking about all these young parents and their children, while also knowing that we still spend a ton of time thinking about and sometimes even stressing about, how to help our grown children. Parenting truly is a never ending job and it does all start at home.
So, start well at home. Think about your kids and what is best for them. Know that when you take on this job it truly is a life long journey, a never ending story. A job that can not be forfeited, you do not get to send your child back to Russia, like the adopted mother did that I read about in yesterday's Chicago Tribune. Good parenting...It all starts at home and is a truly "Never Ending Story"! Enjoy the journey!
Until next time,
Pam
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Like a Rock
Hello!
This past weekend while I was traveling, I started to think a lot about how a solid foundation really is important for kids as they grow up. We had the chance to spend a wonderful weekend with our oldest daughter, her lovely boyfriend, friends of hers and friends of ours. As we talked with everyone throughout the weekend, it occurred to me that family, and the support or lack of support it provides, makes a difference in how people develop.
One of the first things I talked about, or to, when I began this blog, is that no child asks to be brought into this world. We, as the adults, get to make that choice and create children. I argued that once that occurs, it is up to us, the adults that created the child, to do our absolute best for the lovely person we have delivered into this world. It is the ultimate responsibility to be a parent and to raise a child.
During conversations I had this weekend, it was clear that where someone comes from and the type of family they have, or don't have can make a big difference in the type of adult that person becomes. One person I spoke with is a new mother. She has a 15 month old and is trying to decide what type of parent she will continue to become. Right now she is learning how to be a mother and her partner is learning how to be a father. They are so lovely to watch. They are uber involved with their son and are seeking advice and consult from family and friends who have already been down the path they are on, or have already passed through this beginning parenting process. In talking with them, I know they will create a strong sound person. I know this because they are searching and learning and wanting to become the best parents possible for their son. They understand that their child needs them to do what is best and right for him.
Another person I got to converse with is a new father also. He has a son who is also 15 months old and is also learning how to be a father. I loved seeing his photos and hearing him talk about this son. I do not know him well, but you could tell through what he was saying and doing that he has become transformed! I call the parenting process a transformation because you go from thinking mostly about yourself and your life, to thinking constantly (and sometimes obsessively) about your children and what they need and what you need to do for them and how to protect them..etc.etc.etc.! My best guess is that this father's son will become a wonderful adult also, because he has a father who seems to be totally committed to his son and his life.
One of the other people I got to meet disturbed me. Although he spent time showing beautiful pictures of his children, I doubted his ability to be in this parenting thing for the long haul and in it for the benefit of his children. I wondered if he liked the idea of fatherhood, but perhaps not the reality of fathering. I do not know this man, but do know that he is already separated from his children's mother, and the youngest is just 11 months old. I am not trying to be the judge of this man, I am just wondering if he is going to be able to do what is needed for his children, or if he is going to do what he needs to take care of himself first. I think that parenting requires a lack of selfishness and the ability to put our own needs aside . I do not think that we, as adults who raise children, need to forgo all our own needs and desires, but I do think that when it comes to a choice, we always have to put our children's needs first. Remember, they did not ask us to bring them into the world. We did that!
Parenting well does not have to be debilitating! Good parenting requires us to be present, to be aware to be involved. Good parenting requires that we show our children we love them completely and unconditionally and will do what is best for them even if they don't like it. I got to chat a few weeks ago with a mom of a child I had in class years ago. Her son is now in 8th grade and doing all the things young adolescents do.....sometimes sneaking out, sometimes sneaking extra texting time, sometimes searching the internet for all the scary stuff that is out there, etc. etc.(think about all the stuff you may have done as a young teenager!) She was sharing with me her frustration about how some of her sons friends parents do not seem to set rules for their kids, and choose to get them out of, or ignore the trouble they are in. She said it was frustrating for her to be the type of parent who sets rules and requires her son to follow them and then watch the "fray" around her and him as other kids have different , or nonexistent consequences. I empathized with her and complimented her on hanging in there and doing the right things for her son. I reminded her that her son has lots of friends, and needs her to be his parent. He will thank her for that when he is older. She is setting a solid foundation for him. One that will give him the right guidelines and pathways he need as he grows through this teenage phase into adulthood.
So, in summary, I suggest that good parenting requires us to build a solid foundation for our kids. One that lets our children know we care and demonstrates love and respect. One that lets kids know we will make the hard choices and choose to do what is needed to help them become competent, ethical responsible adults!
Maybe if you choose the "solid" path you will get to have your daughter take you out to lunch and thank you for "filling her bucket to overflowing" so that she could become the lovely, talented, competent business owner she is today!
Until next time,
Pam
This past weekend while I was traveling, I started to think a lot about how a solid foundation really is important for kids as they grow up. We had the chance to spend a wonderful weekend with our oldest daughter, her lovely boyfriend, friends of hers and friends of ours. As we talked with everyone throughout the weekend, it occurred to me that family, and the support or lack of support it provides, makes a difference in how people develop.
One of the first things I talked about, or to, when I began this blog, is that no child asks to be brought into this world. We, as the adults, get to make that choice and create children. I argued that once that occurs, it is up to us, the adults that created the child, to do our absolute best for the lovely person we have delivered into this world. It is the ultimate responsibility to be a parent and to raise a child.
During conversations I had this weekend, it was clear that where someone comes from and the type of family they have, or don't have can make a big difference in the type of adult that person becomes. One person I spoke with is a new mother. She has a 15 month old and is trying to decide what type of parent she will continue to become. Right now she is learning how to be a mother and her partner is learning how to be a father. They are so lovely to watch. They are uber involved with their son and are seeking advice and consult from family and friends who have already been down the path they are on, or have already passed through this beginning parenting process. In talking with them, I know they will create a strong sound person. I know this because they are searching and learning and wanting to become the best parents possible for their son. They understand that their child needs them to do what is best and right for him.
Another person I got to converse with is a new father also. He has a son who is also 15 months old and is also learning how to be a father. I loved seeing his photos and hearing him talk about this son. I do not know him well, but you could tell through what he was saying and doing that he has become transformed! I call the parenting process a transformation because you go from thinking mostly about yourself and your life, to thinking constantly (and sometimes obsessively) about your children and what they need and what you need to do for them and how to protect them..etc.etc.etc.! My best guess is that this father's son will become a wonderful adult also, because he has a father who seems to be totally committed to his son and his life.
One of the other people I got to meet disturbed me. Although he spent time showing beautiful pictures of his children, I doubted his ability to be in this parenting thing for the long haul and in it for the benefit of his children. I wondered if he liked the idea of fatherhood, but perhaps not the reality of fathering. I do not know this man, but do know that he is already separated from his children's mother, and the youngest is just 11 months old. I am not trying to be the judge of this man, I am just wondering if he is going to be able to do what is needed for his children, or if he is going to do what he needs to take care of himself first. I think that parenting requires a lack of selfishness and the ability to put our own needs aside . I do not think that we, as adults who raise children, need to forgo all our own needs and desires, but I do think that when it comes to a choice, we always have to put our children's needs first. Remember, they did not ask us to bring them into the world. We did that!
Parenting well does not have to be debilitating! Good parenting requires us to be present, to be aware to be involved. Good parenting requires that we show our children we love them completely and unconditionally and will do what is best for them even if they don't like it. I got to chat a few weeks ago with a mom of a child I had in class years ago. Her son is now in 8th grade and doing all the things young adolescents do.....sometimes sneaking out, sometimes sneaking extra texting time, sometimes searching the internet for all the scary stuff that is out there, etc. etc.(think about all the stuff you may have done as a young teenager!) She was sharing with me her frustration about how some of her sons friends parents do not seem to set rules for their kids, and choose to get them out of, or ignore the trouble they are in. She said it was frustrating for her to be the type of parent who sets rules and requires her son to follow them and then watch the "fray" around her and him as other kids have different , or nonexistent consequences. I empathized with her and complimented her on hanging in there and doing the right things for her son. I reminded her that her son has lots of friends, and needs her to be his parent. He will thank her for that when he is older. She is setting a solid foundation for him. One that will give him the right guidelines and pathways he need as he grows through this teenage phase into adulthood.
So, in summary, I suggest that good parenting requires us to build a solid foundation for our kids. One that lets our children know we care and demonstrates love and respect. One that lets kids know we will make the hard choices and choose to do what is needed to help them become competent, ethical responsible adults!
Maybe if you choose the "solid" path you will get to have your daughter take you out to lunch and thank you for "filling her bucket to overflowing" so that she could become the lovely, talented, competent business owner she is today!
Until next time,
Pam
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Parenting....an action word!
Hi All!
This past weekend I had the wonderful opportunity to travel with my daughter. During the weekend, we spent lots of time talking and chatting and philosophizing! My daughter Megan is an educator also and has the unique perspective of working with teenagers. I say that the little kids I work with are just the same, only they have smaller bodies! While we were on one of our walks over the weekend, she and I took to talking about kids, (we both are passionate about them) and parenting. She was the one who came up with the idea for this week's post....Parenting, it's an ACTION word! I think this idea is genius! Think of all that parents have to and need to do in order to be successful in this job! There is a lot of "doing" involved.
As I was thinking about this, this morning, I was watching the Today show. On the segment I was watching the first topic being discussed was of "bullying". This is a very disturbing phenomena. Unfortunately way too many kids experience this behavior from their peers. This is an area where lots of parent "action" is required. The commentator was retelling the story of a young teenager who actually killed herself because of the way she had been bullied by other kids at her high school. How TRAGIC is that?
Bullying of any kind requires lots of action from parents and adults. It requires hard work and hard decisions to teach children how to respect and treat others well. Kids, of course, can be innately mean at certain times of their lives. I would argue that toddlers and teenagers can be quite cruel. It is up to parents to help their children learn rules of proper social conduct. We do not have to teach our children to like everyone, we do have to teach our children to respect that everyone is just as important and valuable as they are. No one is any better than anyone else. We can be different and equal. This type of teaching requires lots of action because as our kids grow we will need to reinforce the concept of respect and kindness over and over. Unfortunately, I still see adults who need more learning in this area!
The second segment of the Today show this morning talked about children with Autism. Holly Robinson Peete and her family were on the show talking about their personal experiences. They have a son with autism. As I listened to their stories and the discussion that followed, and all that they have gone through and continue to go through, I thought about my dear friends who have two sons with autism. Their house is full of action! Parenting for them is a complete action word! They help their adult sons shower, they help drive them to their perspective programs, they help donate and raise money for the programs their sons are in, they continually look for new therapies and drug protocols for their sons....and so on and so on. Their parenting is action to the max!
Last night I happened to be talking with one of our neighbors. They have two sons. Both of them are adopted and they are fabulous parents. Their sons have different needs and do have some circumstances that require extra assistance from the school system. My neighbor and I discussed all that is going on in her 7th grade son's life. She has had to be his advocate and fight over and over for him to get the right programing and services that he needs to be his most successful self. She has had to act a lot! She spends countless hours coordinating with teachers and program directors and different schools to get the right setting for her son. She is at the point where she will need to find the right setting for him as he begins high school, a setting where people see all that he can do and not what he can not. Here lots of parenting as action is required!
As I think about all of the above information, I ask each of us that is a parent to consider how to parent as an action verb..
Do whatever it takes, whatever is needed to help your children grow and become the best possible model of themselves they can become. ACT!! Act so that your kids know you are always their advocate and that you will do whatever they need and do whatever it takes to help them become the best they can be!
I am waiting to see our sons new short film.....I heard it is an action short!
Until next time,
Pam
This past weekend I had the wonderful opportunity to travel with my daughter. During the weekend, we spent lots of time talking and chatting and philosophizing! My daughter Megan is an educator also and has the unique perspective of working with teenagers. I say that the little kids I work with are just the same, only they have smaller bodies! While we were on one of our walks over the weekend, she and I took to talking about kids, (we both are passionate about them) and parenting. She was the one who came up with the idea for this week's post....Parenting, it's an ACTION word! I think this idea is genius! Think of all that parents have to and need to do in order to be successful in this job! There is a lot of "doing" involved.
As I was thinking about this, this morning, I was watching the Today show. On the segment I was watching the first topic being discussed was of "bullying". This is a very disturbing phenomena. Unfortunately way too many kids experience this behavior from their peers. This is an area where lots of parent "action" is required. The commentator was retelling the story of a young teenager who actually killed herself because of the way she had been bullied by other kids at her high school. How TRAGIC is that?
Bullying of any kind requires lots of action from parents and adults. It requires hard work and hard decisions to teach children how to respect and treat others well. Kids, of course, can be innately mean at certain times of their lives. I would argue that toddlers and teenagers can be quite cruel. It is up to parents to help their children learn rules of proper social conduct. We do not have to teach our children to like everyone, we do have to teach our children to respect that everyone is just as important and valuable as they are. No one is any better than anyone else. We can be different and equal. This type of teaching requires lots of action because as our kids grow we will need to reinforce the concept of respect and kindness over and over. Unfortunately, I still see adults who need more learning in this area!
The second segment of the Today show this morning talked about children with Autism. Holly Robinson Peete and her family were on the show talking about their personal experiences. They have a son with autism. As I listened to their stories and the discussion that followed, and all that they have gone through and continue to go through, I thought about my dear friends who have two sons with autism. Their house is full of action! Parenting for them is a complete action word! They help their adult sons shower, they help drive them to their perspective programs, they help donate and raise money for the programs their sons are in, they continually look for new therapies and drug protocols for their sons....and so on and so on. Their parenting is action to the max!
Last night I happened to be talking with one of our neighbors. They have two sons. Both of them are adopted and they are fabulous parents. Their sons have different needs and do have some circumstances that require extra assistance from the school system. My neighbor and I discussed all that is going on in her 7th grade son's life. She has had to be his advocate and fight over and over for him to get the right programing and services that he needs to be his most successful self. She has had to act a lot! She spends countless hours coordinating with teachers and program directors and different schools to get the right setting for her son. She is at the point where she will need to find the right setting for him as he begins high school, a setting where people see all that he can do and not what he can not. Here lots of parenting as action is required!
As I think about all of the above information, I ask each of us that is a parent to consider how to parent as an action verb..
Do whatever it takes, whatever is needed to help your children grow and become the best possible model of themselves they can become. ACT!! Act so that your kids know you are always their advocate and that you will do whatever they need and do whatever it takes to help them become the best they can be!
I am waiting to see our sons new short film.....I heard it is an action short!
Until next time,
Pam
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