Hello!
My husband and I were driving to meet friends this past weekend and in whatever context of the conversation we were having, he used the phrase " the Sky's the Limit".. and I had to write it down.
I have been thinking about all that I have written and talked about these last few months. Maybe I have been judgmental of some of the behaviors I have witnessed from parents and their children. But, I would like to think that is because I am passionate about parenting! I can not wait to see the new TV show that is debuting after the Olympics called "Parenthood". It looks great to me from the previews I have seen so far, and who knows it might give me good fodder to consider writing about. Hey, maybe Ron Howard will become a fan of my blog and I can give him some good ideas for an episode or two!
Seriously though, this week I am thinking a lot about how parents can truly help their kids understand that the " SKY" is the limit. That every child can become someone valuable and important, maybe not famous, because sometimes that is just a bad idea, but valuable and able and capable. Lots of words with...able... in them!
I was traveling with my Sister-in- Law a few weeks ago, and we talking about parents and parenting and self-esteem and how to help our kids be the best they can be, and all that good stuff. I was telling her a story about a phrase I had heard and read. Dr. Wayne Dyer is a motivational and inspirational speaker. I have read some of his stuff and seen him speak, on TV not in person. He tells a story about one of his children coming home one day and saying, "Johnny doesn't like me." So his father, says to him, "Do you like you?" He said his son looked at him like he had two heads and maybe was a bit goofy, and said," Of course I like me!" His father countered with," Well, there you go. It doesn't matter if Johnny likes you. It only matters if you like you. You are never going to get everyone to like you. But you can always like yourself."
Viola! There we have it! I think that as parents after feeding our kids and keeping them safe, our main goal is to help them like themselves. The whole person...all the parts. I know that kids have lots of trials in life as they grow up. Some kids have learning difficulties, some kids will have physical difficulties, some kids will have emotional and social struggles, but if we can give them enough positive and loving messages so they can develop self love, well that might be just what each person needs to find their way well and achieve their true and full potential.
I know that each of our children have had times that are difficult, and that will continue into adulthood, and actually throughout all of life. No one has a life full of Nirvana, but maybe by being there and listening and loving we can give our children what they need to find their own way well.
Ann Curry was commenting at the Olympics that it takes a village to help raise children. She was specifically speaking about all the important people in each of the successful athletes lives that have won medals or achieved a personal triumph at these Olympic games. I bet these athletes have parents who told them and grandparents who told them and teachers and coaches and aunts and uncles...etc. tell them that yes they could. Yes they could achieve and be whatever they wanted to be.
I think that if parents let their children know that the "Sky is the Limit" children will become the best possible example of themselves that they can. By encouraging and believing in their children parents can and will help their kids find their passion, find what excites them, find what motivates them. I bet that if each of us as parents demonstrates through what we say and do that we have faith in our children and even though all of them will struggle at times, give them messages that we know they can and will find their way, that they will. I would even guess that they will not just find their way, they will excel!
I am hoping that we have done that for our children.. and think maybe we have as each of them continues to make a difference through who they are and what they do.
Our oldest has been asked to be part of a Cookbook that Esquire magazine is publishing... she followed her passion and is a cheesemonger extraordinaire! Imagine that! Her Dad and I think that is pretty cool!
Until next time,
Pam
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Designing a Life
Hello!
It's been a busy couple of weeks..again! My family is working on finding it's new balance after the loss of my husband's father. To that end we have spent lots of time trying to work towards what will be the new normal and making sure that everyone is healing and moving forward well.
Now that that has been said, I have been thinking about what to write once I got back into my "blogging" seat and after my husband and I went to dinner last night I got it! As we were talking, my husband was discussing how life has options. He spends a lot of time with different types of people through his work and manages a lot of different personalities. He was talking about how people work so hard to get that right job, and the right house and the right car and all the right other stuff, that maybe they forget that what is really suppose to be happening is that you are designing a life. Designing a life that is what you want for yourself and your family.
It would be too cavalier of me to say that a job and money aren't important, because frankly they are. We all need to be able to support ourselves and our families. But, in doing that maybe we should think about how we want all of that to work, to flow to become a part of the grand plan of what our family design looks like.
Last week I had the opportunity to travel to Texas to visit with our youngest child, who is actually a grown up. He is a senior at the University of Texas. While I was waiting in the airport (because of course there was a delay), I was eves dropping on a mother who was traveling with her 3 daughters. It was quite interesting to listen to their conversations, alright, maybe it was rude to eves drop, actually I was worse than eves dropping..I was taking notes while they talked! The youngest daughter was the most verbal and was actually so appalling rude that it was hard not to say something. Of course, this is all just my opinion, but wow, this young lady was something! Her tone of voice, her choice or words, her rudeness were hard to swallow. She actually said " This is so organic and healthy I could die." Her mother was offering her some snacks since it was obvious they had also enjoyed the opportunity to be delayed while traveling. As the time progressed that we were all waiting for our flights, all three of these young woman continued to be loud, and rude and just plain bratty to their mother, to the wait staff in the Admiral's Club, and to their own father on the phone. As I scribbled furiously, I thought what a family! I wonder if the parents of these girls are happy with the family they have designed? I don't know, but I wondered as these girls spoke rudely to their mother and chastised their father what had happened along the way that this is their result. It is not rocket science. I would guess that these girls are and have been allowed to behave as they did, and actually encouraged by their parents through their parenting style. These young woman were all beautiful and were on their way back to Los Angeles, and I wondered if that had anything to do with how they behaved? Was that allowed and was that what their parents wanted?
Designing the family you want takes time, intelligence, discipline and love. I know that my husband and I have spent countless hours talking and doing what we believe is best for our family and our children. We chose to invest the time and energy to try and demonstrate, model and explain what we expected from our children. We did not expect them to be perfect, but we did expect them to behave well, respect others, be ethical and respect themselves. Our children are now all adults. The last one is getting ready to fly on his own. He is ready. He is able and he is prepared because his father and I took the time. The time to let him know he was valuable through time spent and boundaries set. His older sisters are flying well, and have been for a few years. Our goal as parents in designing a healthy family was to help each of our children become strong, capable, loving people all their own. People who will make a difference in this world through what they do and who they are. To that end, I hope we have done that. I believe that we have.
Who knows? You might read about one of our daughters in a food magazine; have one of your children be taught by our daughter the teacher; and coming soon, see our son's name on the marquis of short film festivals. He has submitted his first films. He is on his way.
Our job now is to be enthusiastic supporters!
Until next time,
Pam
It's been a busy couple of weeks..again! My family is working on finding it's new balance after the loss of my husband's father. To that end we have spent lots of time trying to work towards what will be the new normal and making sure that everyone is healing and moving forward well.
Now that that has been said, I have been thinking about what to write once I got back into my "blogging" seat and after my husband and I went to dinner last night I got it! As we were talking, my husband was discussing how life has options. He spends a lot of time with different types of people through his work and manages a lot of different personalities. He was talking about how people work so hard to get that right job, and the right house and the right car and all the right other stuff, that maybe they forget that what is really suppose to be happening is that you are designing a life. Designing a life that is what you want for yourself and your family.
It would be too cavalier of me to say that a job and money aren't important, because frankly they are. We all need to be able to support ourselves and our families. But, in doing that maybe we should think about how we want all of that to work, to flow to become a part of the grand plan of what our family design looks like.
Last week I had the opportunity to travel to Texas to visit with our youngest child, who is actually a grown up. He is a senior at the University of Texas. While I was waiting in the airport (because of course there was a delay), I was eves dropping on a mother who was traveling with her 3 daughters. It was quite interesting to listen to their conversations, alright, maybe it was rude to eves drop, actually I was worse than eves dropping..I was taking notes while they talked! The youngest daughter was the most verbal and was actually so appalling rude that it was hard not to say something. Of course, this is all just my opinion, but wow, this young lady was something! Her tone of voice, her choice or words, her rudeness were hard to swallow. She actually said " This is so organic and healthy I could die." Her mother was offering her some snacks since it was obvious they had also enjoyed the opportunity to be delayed while traveling. As the time progressed that we were all waiting for our flights, all three of these young woman continued to be loud, and rude and just plain bratty to their mother, to the wait staff in the Admiral's Club, and to their own father on the phone. As I scribbled furiously, I thought what a family! I wonder if the parents of these girls are happy with the family they have designed? I don't know, but I wondered as these girls spoke rudely to their mother and chastised their father what had happened along the way that this is their result. It is not rocket science. I would guess that these girls are and have been allowed to behave as they did, and actually encouraged by their parents through their parenting style. These young woman were all beautiful and were on their way back to Los Angeles, and I wondered if that had anything to do with how they behaved? Was that allowed and was that what their parents wanted?
Designing the family you want takes time, intelligence, discipline and love. I know that my husband and I have spent countless hours talking and doing what we believe is best for our family and our children. We chose to invest the time and energy to try and demonstrate, model and explain what we expected from our children. We did not expect them to be perfect, but we did expect them to behave well, respect others, be ethical and respect themselves. Our children are now all adults. The last one is getting ready to fly on his own. He is ready. He is able and he is prepared because his father and I took the time. The time to let him know he was valuable through time spent and boundaries set. His older sisters are flying well, and have been for a few years. Our goal as parents in designing a healthy family was to help each of our children become strong, capable, loving people all their own. People who will make a difference in this world through what they do and who they are. To that end, I hope we have done that. I believe that we have.
Who knows? You might read about one of our daughters in a food magazine; have one of your children be taught by our daughter the teacher; and coming soon, see our son's name on the marquis of short film festivals. He has submitted his first films. He is on his way.
Our job now is to be enthusiastic supporters!
Until next time,
Pam
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Even at the White House
Hello,
I was listening to one of the morning news shows today and caught an interview with Michelle Obama. One of the questions asked of her was how were her daughters doing one year after becoming daughters of a President of the United States. Mrs. Obama answered that she thought they were doing pretty well and that that had been one of her main goals as they embarked on this enormous journey as a family.
I have to say, I thought WOW! I was thinking how great it would be to be able to interview her and ask her questions about her philosophy of parenting and how to build a healthy family. I guess though, that through her answer to the interviewer, I already know what she thinks....thus my title this week...Even at the White House!
One of the main premises I have talked about is being mindful of the choices we make as parents. Mrs. Obama actually spoke directly to that indicating that she and the President are truly aware that the choices they make can have a profound affect on their children. She actually said something like we need to be mindful of the choices we make so they don't negatively affect our kids lives. I did not put quotes around that because it is a paraphrase...not the exact words. I think I was still trying to wake up and finish my coffee when she was on t.v., but I do have to say YEAH!!
You know, I have spoken to the fact that our kids have absolutely no say into how or when they are brought into this world. They are stuck with the parents they get. I was speaking yesterday with one of the Moms in the class I teach, about kids and parents. It was actually quite fun because we were watching her son gleefully make snow angels in the side of the school yard. She shared with me that growing up she would hear people talk about their parents and blame them for the negative things in their lives, or blame parents for a number of reasons. She said she used to think that was such a cop out...(actually it is), but she also said that as she has become a parent now, she realizes how huge the responsibility it is to be a good parent and to do the right things for each of your children. She has surmised that parents really do make a difference. I shared with her the story I tell my now adult children, which is I know that any problem in their life is my fault. It always is the mother's fault, sometimes the father gets blamed, but mostly it is the mother who takes the brunt.. and that I have given them my blessing to talk openly and honestly with any good therapist about all that I did wrong in raising them! :) I accept the fact that I am not perfect and wish them only the best in resolving any issue they need to with their therapist. I have told them I did the best I could and so God speed!
Seriously though, it is truly up to us as parents. We do not have to spend our lives agonizing over how to be perfect parents. Remember last week I said that perfect is a word that scares me, and that excellence is what we should shoot for! Being a good parent means that we truly are mindful in the choices and decisions we make in parenting our children. Each person will have a unique and individual style. That is one of the great things about being a parent. We get to decide what is best for the children we have, not our neighbors kids, but the kids we have been blessed with to raise. Now I do know that sometimes our children do not seem like blessings, but that is for another time!
In choosing how to raise our children we need to put in the time. We need to demonstrate that each of our kids is important we need to show them that we value them and respect them. Yes, it is important, I believe to respect our children. We do not get to boss them around without reason and do not get to treat them as possessions. Our children do not belong to us they are leant to us . Our job is to help them become capable, ethical, competent, loving adults who will be able to add value to this world we all live in. What they choose to do is up to them. It is up to us to give them the tools they need to be successful people. By being successful I don't mean making a lot of money. I define success as a person who is able to add value and integrity to this world.
So, there you have it! Choose mindfully to be involved in your children's lives. Be aware that the choices you make don't negatively affect your children. Do the right thing, choose your children and your family above all else. If the President and Mrs. Obama can do that, you can too!
Until next time,
Pam
I was listening to one of the morning news shows today and caught an interview with Michelle Obama. One of the questions asked of her was how were her daughters doing one year after becoming daughters of a President of the United States. Mrs. Obama answered that she thought they were doing pretty well and that that had been one of her main goals as they embarked on this enormous journey as a family.
I have to say, I thought WOW! I was thinking how great it would be to be able to interview her and ask her questions about her philosophy of parenting and how to build a healthy family. I guess though, that through her answer to the interviewer, I already know what she thinks....thus my title this week...Even at the White House!
One of the main premises I have talked about is being mindful of the choices we make as parents. Mrs. Obama actually spoke directly to that indicating that she and the President are truly aware that the choices they make can have a profound affect on their children. She actually said something like we need to be mindful of the choices we make so they don't negatively affect our kids lives. I did not put quotes around that because it is a paraphrase...not the exact words. I think I was still trying to wake up and finish my coffee when she was on t.v., but I do have to say YEAH!!
You know, I have spoken to the fact that our kids have absolutely no say into how or when they are brought into this world. They are stuck with the parents they get. I was speaking yesterday with one of the Moms in the class I teach, about kids and parents. It was actually quite fun because we were watching her son gleefully make snow angels in the side of the school yard. She shared with me that growing up she would hear people talk about their parents and blame them for the negative things in their lives, or blame parents for a number of reasons. She said she used to think that was such a cop out...(actually it is), but she also said that as she has become a parent now, she realizes how huge the responsibility it is to be a good parent and to do the right things for each of your children. She has surmised that parents really do make a difference. I shared with her the story I tell my now adult children, which is I know that any problem in their life is my fault. It always is the mother's fault, sometimes the father gets blamed, but mostly it is the mother who takes the brunt.. and that I have given them my blessing to talk openly and honestly with any good therapist about all that I did wrong in raising them! :) I accept the fact that I am not perfect and wish them only the best in resolving any issue they need to with their therapist. I have told them I did the best I could and so God speed!
Seriously though, it is truly up to us as parents. We do not have to spend our lives agonizing over how to be perfect parents. Remember last week I said that perfect is a word that scares me, and that excellence is what we should shoot for! Being a good parent means that we truly are mindful in the choices and decisions we make in parenting our children. Each person will have a unique and individual style. That is one of the great things about being a parent. We get to decide what is best for the children we have, not our neighbors kids, but the kids we have been blessed with to raise. Now I do know that sometimes our children do not seem like blessings, but that is for another time!
In choosing how to raise our children we need to put in the time. We need to demonstrate that each of our kids is important we need to show them that we value them and respect them. Yes, it is important, I believe to respect our children. We do not get to boss them around without reason and do not get to treat them as possessions. Our children do not belong to us they are leant to us . Our job is to help them become capable, ethical, competent, loving adults who will be able to add value to this world we all live in. What they choose to do is up to them. It is up to us to give them the tools they need to be successful people. By being successful I don't mean making a lot of money. I define success as a person who is able to add value and integrity to this world.
So, there you have it! Choose mindfully to be involved in your children's lives. Be aware that the choices you make don't negatively affect your children. Do the right thing, choose your children and your family above all else. If the President and Mrs. Obama can do that, you can too!
Until next time,
Pam
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