Hello,
So it's Tuesday and I have been laying low because having the opportunity to work with small children means I also have the opportunity to experience..first hand.. some of the new germs that are out there each Fall!!
While I was lying around and generally contemplating what to write about today, I decided to treat myself and watch a movie...because I had absolutely no inspiration..I chose the movie "Away We Go" directed by Sam Mendes (I would recommend watching it) and I had an "Ah Ha" moment!
The movie is truly funny, touching and a commentary on parenting. There are a variety of people these two young soon to be parents visit as they try to figure out where to live and how they want to parent their child. Of course it's a movie, so there has to be some crazy examples of parents or it wouldn't be entertaining. The thing is though, that some of the parents they show I have met..well not technically, but in substance!
I would argue that as parents we have a choice, where the children we bring into this world don't! It doesn't matter if you give birth, adopt, use a surrogate, or use invetro fertilization, we, as adults, still get to choose. Children on the other hand, do not. They don't get to choose a parent, they are stuck with the ones they get! I would suggest then that it is our first responsibility to try our best to DO NO HARM!
The parents in this movie did all sorts of horrendous things. They insulted their children, demeaned their children, spoke poorly about them (while the kids were right in front of them) forgot to feed them, forgot they were watching when the adults were really drunk, or talking about sex .. just to name a few of the behaviors.( O.K..parents don't have to be perfect, but come on!)
Bottom line, we are the adults in their lives. Kids look to us to care for them, protect them, show them we love them, build them up, say they can become anything...and demonstrate that they are valuable and irreplaceable. I would suggest that we all have choices to make when we parent our children and the choices we make, and the messages we give our children has EVERYTHING to do with the type of person they become.
Remember, we get to choose.. so choose wisely, be mindful of what you say and do. So instead of "Away We Go"... there you go! DO NO HARM...your children need that from you!
Until next time!
Pam
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Limits and boundaries..oh my!
Hello!
I was very excited about writing this weeks post. I was on a plane last weekend and had the wonderful opportunity to sit in front of a teenage-monster...for real! It brought to mind so many thoughts, I did have to stop myself from blurting out what I was thinking, as I am almost certain that my comments would have been inappropriate and unappreciated.
Let me tell you the story. This young person..probably around the lovely age of 13-15, and yes that is a trying age, was proceeding to badger her parents about the birthday party she wanted, the amount of money she expected them to spend and then corrected her parents every and any time they challenged her and finally told them basically to "SHUT UP!" Well.... WOW!!!
You know, this type of thing doesn't just happen..o.k. sometimes all children are monsters, maybe it is innate in their DNA to behave badly occasionally, but to behave like this teenager did is learned behavior. She has been allowed and even encouraged, I would argue, to behave badly.
One of the premises of having children is the title that comes with it...i.e. PARENT.
With that title comes job responsibilty..all jobs come with responsibilities. My father in law likes to say that if a job was fun it would be called fun and not be called work...all jobs are work! The major work of a parent once you sign onto the job, is to teach your children rules of behavior. I would argue that kids want you to make them behave and when you allow them to behave badly you do them a disservice. Kids will push and push until you show when and how and where to stop...allowing your child at any age to talk poorly to you, disrespect you and tell you to "SHUT UP" means you abdicated your number one job responsibility...BE THE PARENT!
Your kids will thank you, their teachers will thank you, and society will thank you!
You may even get a bonus...someone will take the time to compliment you on how wonderful your children are..what could be better than that??
I was very excited about writing this weeks post. I was on a plane last weekend and had the wonderful opportunity to sit in front of a teenage-monster...for real! It brought to mind so many thoughts, I did have to stop myself from blurting out what I was thinking, as I am almost certain that my comments would have been inappropriate and unappreciated.
Let me tell you the story. This young person..probably around the lovely age of 13-15, and yes that is a trying age, was proceeding to badger her parents about the birthday party she wanted, the amount of money she expected them to spend and then corrected her parents every and any time they challenged her and finally told them basically to "SHUT UP!" Well.... WOW!!!
You know, this type of thing doesn't just happen..o.k. sometimes all children are monsters, maybe it is innate in their DNA to behave badly occasionally, but to behave like this teenager did is learned behavior. She has been allowed and even encouraged, I would argue, to behave badly.
One of the premises of having children is the title that comes with it...i.e. PARENT.
With that title comes job responsibilty..all jobs come with responsibilities. My father in law likes to say that if a job was fun it would be called fun and not be called work...all jobs are work! The major work of a parent once you sign onto the job, is to teach your children rules of behavior. I would argue that kids want you to make them behave and when you allow them to behave badly you do them a disservice. Kids will push and push until you show when and how and where to stop...allowing your child at any age to talk poorly to you, disrespect you and tell you to "SHUT UP" means you abdicated your number one job responsibility...BE THE PARENT!
Your kids will thank you, their teachers will thank you, and society will thank you!
You may even get a bonus...someone will take the time to compliment you on how wonderful your children are..what could be better than that??
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
No Is a GOOD word!
O.K...so kind of like time to make the doughnuts...it;s time to write my next post!
I was at preschool this morning thinking about what I would like to write about today, because it is Tuesday and I promised myself that I would write a new post every Tuesday, and while I was chatting with one of the young Moms...it came to me! The word ( and no it is not a bad word) NO! She was explaining that one of her friends likes to always be positive and not use negative language when speaking with and to her children. She asked me what I thought of that, and after a brief second of reflection,and I mean brief, I said "It's o.k. to use the word NO, as a matter of fact I think it is absolutely necessary."
She looked at me, smiled and said, "Good! Sometimes it just comes out!" I then spent the next part of 10 minutes while we watched the kids playing, and even had the occasion to use the word "No"(someone was about to pour sand all over someone else's head) explain why I think "No" is a good word.
One of the most important jobs of parenting is to teach your kids boundaries and keep them safe. They don't know how to do that, we have to teach them and show them. Think about it, if one of your kids is about to run into the street and a car is barreling down the road toward them, are you going to yell "Johnny, think about the choice you're making!" NO WAY! you are going to scream at the top of your lungs.."NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO get out of the street!" You may even throw in some more choice words, of which "No" might be the nicest!
Kids want us to and need us to show them where and when and how to stop. They want to know where the boundaries are. We have to show them where they are, not once, but again and again and again. It makes kids feel safe, shows them they are loved and shows them they are important. So important, as a matter of fact that you don't even care if they are mad at you. Be their parent, they have lots of friends.
So, next time you think about using the word "No"..go ahead, do it! Your kids will love you for it!
Until next time,
Pam
I was at preschool this morning thinking about what I would like to write about today, because it is Tuesday and I promised myself that I would write a new post every Tuesday, and while I was chatting with one of the young Moms...it came to me! The word ( and no it is not a bad word) NO! She was explaining that one of her friends likes to always be positive and not use negative language when speaking with and to her children. She asked me what I thought of that, and after a brief second of reflection,and I mean brief, I said "It's o.k. to use the word NO, as a matter of fact I think it is absolutely necessary."
She looked at me, smiled and said, "Good! Sometimes it just comes out!" I then spent the next part of 10 minutes while we watched the kids playing, and even had the occasion to use the word "No"(someone was about to pour sand all over someone else's head) explain why I think "No" is a good word.
One of the most important jobs of parenting is to teach your kids boundaries and keep them safe. They don't know how to do that, we have to teach them and show them. Think about it, if one of your kids is about to run into the street and a car is barreling down the road toward them, are you going to yell "Johnny, think about the choice you're making!" NO WAY! you are going to scream at the top of your lungs.."NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO get out of the street!" You may even throw in some more choice words, of which "No" might be the nicest!
Kids want us to and need us to show them where and when and how to stop. They want to know where the boundaries are. We have to show them where they are, not once, but again and again and again. It makes kids feel safe, shows them they are loved and shows them they are important. So important, as a matter of fact that you don't even care if they are mad at you. Be their parent, they have lots of friends.
So, next time you think about using the word "No"..go ahead, do it! Your kids will love you for it!
Until next time,
Pam
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
The Beginning...
So, I have thought a lot about writing something like this.. and with the help of one of my adult children who is far more computer literate than I, I begin!
There are all sorts of books about parenting and what to do and how to have relationships with your children and how to know what to expect when you're expecting, but I don't know that they address the most burning question of parenthood...how NOT to mess up your children too badly.
I am first of all a parent, second of all an educator and third of all a part time unprofessional counselor..I find myself in the position of having to help guide young parents through the "art" of parenting..and I do believe being a good parent is and art. There are those I am sure who think that parenting is more of a science...like a good study in human behavior, but I think not.
Being a parent in the only 24 hour 7 days a week 365(and even the 1/4) day job in the world. There are not built in vacation days, no matter how long you've been on the job, and the boss doesn't care if your sick, or tired, or just plain fed up! Actually, until children are older, they don't even care too much about you...they just want what they want and want their needs met!
So, having said all that, I throw these thoughts out for anyone who cares to consider:
First, our job as parents is to love UNCONDITIONALLY
Second, be the PARENT
Third, use the scary word "No"
Fourth, do NOT try to create the child in your image
Fifth, help them find THEIR own way
Sixth...and maybe the most important...DO NO HARM!!!!!!!
Well, there you have it...I will talk to each of these points as the blog turns! (o.k. so I am dating myself basing that thought on the old Soap Opera "As the World Turns", but what the heck many of the crazy things that happen to us as parents and families can make good material for any T.V. show...as evidenced by all the ridiculous reality shows !)
Until next time,
Pam
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