SO… it’s a New Year…

Hello all!

I hope the end of 2015 brought you good luck, good times, and great Holidays.

Now that the New Year is almost one month old, how are you doing?  Have you made any goals for yourself this year?

I used to take time to write down pretty clear guidelines for what I wanted to do each new year.

At the beginning of each year I would find some quiet time, sit hopefully in a peaceful spot, and map out my ideas for how I wanted to live my life in the coming year.

I thought this was a good practice.  Some quiet time to get my mind straight.  Ideas and plans for making my life more… more engaged, more thoughtful, more loving, more healthy, more spiritual, more effective…

You get the drift.

As this year began, I sat down, thought about writing out specific goals , and then revised my thought.

I took time to think about three things: Life, Love, and Health.

That was it.

As everyone knows, Life can get complicated quickly.  You are moving along, enjoying your day, and then you can get a phone call. 

Everyone one of us knows about that.  Sometimes they bring great joy, sometimes, a great laugh, sometimes, great pride, sometimes, great peace and sometimes, great sadness.

So, first, enjoy your life.  Why not?  Don’t look for or try to anticipate what may come, because no one knows.

I had a friend of mine tell me “Worry is like trying to cross a bridge before you even get there.  Don’t try to plan for it before you get there, because you don’t have any idea what it looks like.”

Wise words…. Worth trying!

So next, Love.  Love… a four-letter word that is so powerful.

Everyone needs love.  Everyone wants love.  Everyone searches for love.

The longer I am in this world, the more I know for sure that no one can receive love unless they love themselves.

Start there.  Love and care for yourself well.  The rest will follow.

We are in charge of NO ONE but ourselves… so let the idea go of trying to change anyone to give you what you need, or what you want.

Love yourself well!

And, last Health.

Hmmm… this can be tricky.

Actually no one thinks about Health until they don’t have it. 

So, take good care of yourself and those you love.  It’s important and will make a difference.

Don’t loose yourself in excess. 

Moderation is the key. 

Eat well.  Exercise both your body and your mind, and HAVE FUN 

Kids are always watching what we do, so they’ll benefit too!

That’s it!

Hope it helps… I think it may be my best plan yet!

Until next time,

Pam

On the idea of pausing intelligently….

I am on Facebook.  I like to search for posts that provide me with new thoughts, or ideas that hit a nerve.

I like to share those posts on my Author page… and hope that what I choose to share, makes a difference to someone who reads it, or at least causes a moment of thought, a time to reflect… pause.

Today, while searching, and taking time to catch up on posts, and work I had not done, I came across an author: L.R. Knost.

As I reflected on what this author was saying, I thought about the wisdom of her words. 

One of the posts I read today, provoked me to write about the “Intelligent Pause.”

I have raised three children who are the inspiration behind this blog.  They are all competent adults now,  working, participating in society and raising children of their own.

As a parent, and those of us who are parents know this, it can be hard to find the right words, the right response, and the right reaction to our children’s behavior.  It can be hard all the time, but especially during the trying developmental stages of toddlers and teenagers.

I like to think that I was, and am, a pretty darn good parent.  Yet, there were definitely times I was less than that, actually far less than that, putrid even.

I remember times when one, or two or all three of my children were acting inappropriately, being naughty, pushing buttons.  I remember loosing it and yelling at them, loudly!

And, I wonder, would the ability to have paused for that brief moment before I reacted, made a difference in my children’s emotional and psychological health?

I am pretty darn sure the answer to that question is a resounding “YES!”

Truly, I am not kicking myself here for mistakes made, because honestly, we all make them.  It’s part of being human, fallible, and imperfect.  Yet, I do think that the ability to pause, even for a brief moment before you react will make a difference. 

It will allow you to respond to your children in a way that is healthier for everyone… you and them.  

Being a good parent is hard.  It is a job that takes years to perfect, and even then, we all will mess up.  I know I have.

Keep trying.  Keep trying each day to pause before your react… take that extra moment to breathe, settle yourself and then respond. 

It will be worth it.  Your kids will benefit, and you will too.

Then, when you just can’t help yourself and you mess up, because face it, we all will, apologize to your kids.

Hmmm… I took time to pause in my paragraphing…

Did it give you a moment to think?

The “Intelligent Pause”…. Take time to try it.

Until next time,

Pam

 

The Waiting Game….

I was having coffee with a good friend of mine yesterday.

We chatted about a lot of things, as we always do, and broached the topic of “Waiting”.

Now waiting, as a word, is not a bad thing…it’s part of life, but we were talking about it as something Moms do… a lot.

First, you wait nine months for the baby to arrive.  Then you wait for the first smile, the first time your baby rolls over, the first time they crawl, the first time they stand up, the first day of school...

You get the gist!

This whole waiting thing is not particular just to Moms, but for the sake of this conversation, I am being female centric… and talking about Moms.

To be honest, I was complaining to my friend… she understood.

Throughout my life, to this point, I have spent countless hours waiting for other people to do whatever it is they need to do, and then doing whatever it was I needed to do.

Now in life we can’t always get what we want, I know that.  There’s even a pretty famous song refrain to that effect from the Rolling Stones.

But… sometimes we women need to forget all that waiting and take what we need!

Right now, as I sit in Starbucks in my little town, I am inundated with young girls, probably around 11-13, and they are all waiting.

They are waiting for the others, or the leaders in the group to tell them what the plan is and where they are going…hmmmmm

Maybe this waiting for others thing is taught to women at a young age… maybe it’s socialized into us!

As my friend and I were debating yesterday, we decided that waiting for everyone else was making us crabby.

We don’t want to wait for others anymore. 

We want to do what we want, when we want, and no offense intended to anyone else, we’re just over it!

Maybe girls are taught from the very beginning to be nice, to defer to others, to take a back seat…

Being a nice person is not a bad quality… it just can’t come at the price of waiting for everyone else first…

I think my friend and I are going to practice balance… we don’t want to be nasty, just maybe a little less nice.

Maybe we’ll make a slogan or something that says…

“Wait no more!  Take what you need, be bold!”

Just a thought…

Until next time,

Pam

Superwoman…Watch out for Kryptonite...

I have a story to tell.

Once upon a time, there was a lovely young woman who became a Mom.

She was thrilled, delighted, and yes, just a little bit scared.

Her husband was a wonderful support.  He went to the proper child birthing classes with her, and helped her immensely though labor and delivery.

After the baby was born they were thrilled, delighted, exhilarated even.

Then, they took the baby home.

This sequence of events happened three times.

Of course this story is about me.

Before children, aka known as BC, but not in the true Biblical sense, I was a teacher.

I left the house every day to go to school.  I had a title, a job description.  I was my own person.

Teacher:  One given the responsibility to help instill knowledge in young children’s minds.

After having spent time with many children, other people’s children, I really thought I knew what to do.

How to be a superwoman, a Mom who did everything right!  After all, I had had years of practice with kids, and years of study.

I had taken psychology, philosophy, child development, and many methods courses, on how to help educate and mold young minds.

There was one class missing, though, one I did not take or even know to look for…

“HOW TO DO A GOOD JOB AS A MOM, AND NOT LOOSE YOURSELF IN THE PROCESS.”

I am sharing this story because I think many women are not informed about the above course, or even know to look for it.

The messages we hear from many sources, suggest that women can have it all.

We can be great Moms, great wives, great employees, great everything… and still have time for ourselves.

It’s simply a big lie.

You have to, and I repeat, HAVE to take care of yourself.  No one else will give you permission to do that.  You, you alone are the one to do that.

You need to do that.

When I was 35, after taking care of everyone, trying always, to make life nice for my family, I was lost.

I forgot who I was, did not even know where to look for her.  Somewhere along the way, subtly, yet surely, I had slipped away.

Ok… of course not in the physical sense, but I needed help to rediscover who I was.

I saw a wonderful therapist for a year, took a great antidepressant (ironically the drug was called Pamelor) and got better.

I found me.

So, my story is actually a cautionary tale.  Watch out for Kryptonite.

Care for yourself as well, if not better than you care for others

The saying, “If Mama ain’t happy nobody is” is true.

Take good care of you.

YOU matter!

Until next time,

Pam

On Being a Mom: Then and Now

This week I am thinking about what it was like for my mom, for me, and now for my daughter, to be a mom.

I wonder if each generation thinks the one before had it easier or harder.

When I was growing up during the ‘60s and ‘70s, my mom was at home. She worked a bit, outside of the home, but not for most of those early years.

As I remember, my mom spent a lot of time caring for us. She cooked, cleaned, and supervised us. We were allowed then to run freely in the neighborhood, with a group of moms keeping an eye on us.

I don’t know if my mom had the same choices that I did. She was a very smart woman. I wonder if she wanted to do anything different, or if being with us was what she truly enjoyed most.

As we got older, my mom did decide to go to work. It was for economic reasons, not necessarily choice.

I was the first one in my family to go to college and complete a degree. My parents, both of them, wanted that for me.

After college, I got engaged and worked for a year before I got married.

My husband and I knew that we wanted a family while we were younger, and so a year after we were married we had Anne, our oldest child.

My profession is teaching, so I chose to work until Anne was born, and then stayed home with her, and her siblings that followed, for about 10 years.

I too spent a lot of my time caring for our children, not that differently than my mom, yet my generation of moms was on the go… a lot!

Now that Anne has two children, it seems to me that the pace is very different.

Of all the younger moms I know, the percentage of those that work outside the home is much larger now.

I marvel at the delicate balancing act that’s required to keep all the proverbial dishes spinning without a huge crash!

My daughter runs her own business, serves on an economic development committee and is illustrating my next children’s book.

I think about what I did… is it that different?  I had three children, worked part time, and also served on two boards. My husband traveled a lot.

Is it that when we are in the Mommy phase, we just do it all?

My mom seemed to have a kinder, gentler pace, but did she?

She managed the household, volunteered, helped my dad with his business, kept us out of trouble, cooked, cleaned, did the laundry and still found time to be with friends.

I did a lot of the same things, yet felt I had choices to make about being a mom and what that looked like for me.

I wonder how Anne feels. I know she’s worked very hard to have her own business… I wonder if she would like her life to be calmer, or if that is just the way life is as a mom.

Do moms get to choose?

Maybe it’s always been the same.

Being a mom isn’t easy, never was, and probably never will be.

But I wouldn’t change it.

Until next time,

Pam