Superwoman…Watch out for Kryptonite...

I have a story to tell.

Once upon a time, there was a lovely young woman who became a Mom.

She was thrilled, delighted, and yes, just a little bit scared.

Her husband was a wonderful support.  He went to the proper child birthing classes with her, and helped her immensely though labor and delivery.

After the baby was born they were thrilled, delighted, exhilarated even.

Then, they took the baby home.

This sequence of events happened three times.

Of course this story is about me.

Before children, aka known as BC, but not in the true Biblical sense, I was a teacher.

I left the house every day to go to school.  I had a title, a job description.  I was my own person.

Teacher:  One given the responsibility to help instill knowledge in young children’s minds.

After having spent time with many children, other people’s children, I really thought I knew what to do.

How to be a superwoman, a Mom who did everything right!  After all, I had had years of practice with kids, and years of study.

I had taken psychology, philosophy, child development, and many methods courses, on how to help educate and mold young minds.

There was one class missing, though, one I did not take or even know to look for…

“HOW TO DO A GOOD JOB AS A MOM, AND NOT LOOSE YOURSELF IN THE PROCESS.”

I am sharing this story because I think many women are not informed about the above course, or even know to look for it.

The messages we hear from many sources, suggest that women can have it all.

We can be great Moms, great wives, great employees, great everything… and still have time for ourselves.

It’s simply a big lie.

You have to, and I repeat, HAVE to take care of yourself.  No one else will give you permission to do that.  You, you alone are the one to do that.

You need to do that.

When I was 35, after taking care of everyone, trying always, to make life nice for my family, I was lost.

I forgot who I was, did not even know where to look for her.  Somewhere along the way, subtly, yet surely, I had slipped away.

Ok… of course not in the physical sense, but I needed help to rediscover who I was.

I saw a wonderful therapist for a year, took a great antidepressant (ironically the drug was called Pamelor) and got better.

I found me.

So, my story is actually a cautionary tale.  Watch out for Kryptonite.

Care for yourself as well, if not better than you care for others

The saying, “If Mama ain’t happy nobody is” is true.

Take good care of you.

YOU matter!

Until next time,

Pam

On Being a Mom: Then and Now

This week I am thinking about what it was like for my mom, for me, and now for my daughter, to be a mom.

I wonder if each generation thinks the one before had it easier or harder.

When I was growing up during the ‘60s and ‘70s, my mom was at home. She worked a bit, outside of the home, but not for most of those early years.

As I remember, my mom spent a lot of time caring for us. She cooked, cleaned, and supervised us. We were allowed then to run freely in the neighborhood, with a group of moms keeping an eye on us.

I don’t know if my mom had the same choices that I did. She was a very smart woman. I wonder if she wanted to do anything different, or if being with us was what she truly enjoyed most.

As we got older, my mom did decide to go to work. It was for economic reasons, not necessarily choice.

I was the first one in my family to go to college and complete a degree. My parents, both of them, wanted that for me.

After college, I got engaged and worked for a year before I got married.

My husband and I knew that we wanted a family while we were younger, and so a year after we were married we had Anne, our oldest child.

My profession is teaching, so I chose to work until Anne was born, and then stayed home with her, and her siblings that followed, for about 10 years.

I too spent a lot of my time caring for our children, not that differently than my mom, yet my generation of moms was on the go… a lot!

Now that Anne has two children, it seems to me that the pace is very different.

Of all the younger moms I know, the percentage of those that work outside the home is much larger now.

I marvel at the delicate balancing act that’s required to keep all the proverbial dishes spinning without a huge crash!

My daughter runs her own business, serves on an economic development committee and is illustrating my next children’s book.

I think about what I did… is it that different?  I had three children, worked part time, and also served on two boards. My husband traveled a lot.

Is it that when we are in the Mommy phase, we just do it all?

My mom seemed to have a kinder, gentler pace, but did she?

She managed the household, volunteered, helped my dad with his business, kept us out of trouble, cooked, cleaned, did the laundry and still found time to be with friends.

I did a lot of the same things, yet felt I had choices to make about being a mom and what that looked like for me.

I wonder how Anne feels. I know she’s worked very hard to have her own business… I wonder if she would like her life to be calmer, or if that is just the way life is as a mom.

Do moms get to choose?

Maybe it’s always been the same.

Being a mom isn’t easy, never was, and probably never will be.

But I wouldn’t change it.

Until next time,

Pam