On the idea of pausing intelligently….

I am on Facebook.  I like to search for posts that provide me with new thoughts, or ideas that hit a nerve.

I like to share those posts on my Author page… and hope that what I choose to share, makes a difference to someone who reads it, or at least causes a moment of thought, a time to reflect… pause.

Today, while searching, and taking time to catch up on posts, and work I had not done, I came across an author: L.R. Knost.

As I reflected on what this author was saying, I thought about the wisdom of her words. 

One of the posts I read today, provoked me to write about the “Intelligent Pause.”

I have raised three children who are the inspiration behind this blog.  They are all competent adults now,  working, participating in society and raising children of their own.

As a parent, and those of us who are parents know this, it can be hard to find the right words, the right response, and the right reaction to our children’s behavior.  It can be hard all the time, but especially during the trying developmental stages of toddlers and teenagers.

I like to think that I was, and am, a pretty darn good parent.  Yet, there were definitely times I was less than that, actually far less than that, putrid even.

I remember times when one, or two or all three of my children were acting inappropriately, being naughty, pushing buttons.  I remember loosing it and yelling at them, loudly!

And, I wonder, would the ability to have paused for that brief moment before I reacted, made a difference in my children’s emotional and psychological health?

I am pretty darn sure the answer to that question is a resounding “YES!”

Truly, I am not kicking myself here for mistakes made, because honestly, we all make them.  It’s part of being human, fallible, and imperfect.  Yet, I do think that the ability to pause, even for a brief moment before you react will make a difference. 

It will allow you to respond to your children in a way that is healthier for everyone… you and them.  

Being a good parent is hard.  It is a job that takes years to perfect, and even then, we all will mess up.  I know I have.

Keep trying.  Keep trying each day to pause before your react… take that extra moment to breathe, settle yourself and then respond. 

It will be worth it.  Your kids will benefit, and you will too.

Then, when you just can’t help yourself and you mess up, because face it, we all will, apologize to your kids.

Hmmm… I took time to pause in my paragraphing…

Did it give you a moment to think?

The “Intelligent Pause”…. Take time to try it.

Until next time,

Pam

 

Bullying… How do we stop?

I was reading an online paper today that had a short video attached.  It told the story of 3 girls sitting at a bus stop; two were bullying one.

The interesting story line attached was “What would you do?”

As the video played out, ( I do not know if the girls, all middle school age, were actors and knew what the intent of the video was, or if this was real) a variety of adults entered the screen.

The setting was a bus stop, and the three girls were sitting on a bench talking.  Two of the three began to belittle, mock and harass the third.

As adults came onto this scene, it was interesting to watch what each chose to do, and if they chose to intercede.

The adults ranged in age, race, and gender.  Most of them chose to help.

What would you do?

I know I would choose to help.

Kids can be mean, we all know that, but to witness it happening, and choose not to intercede, is cowardly.

Kids need to know that they matter. 

As I was thinking about this I can still remember being picked on by mean girls… I was in Junior High, and it was hard.

The messages we receive from other kids stick! All these years later, I can remember, where, when and who.

All of us can help.

What’s the answer?

We can’t be there to protect our kids from instances like this, but we can arm them with ideas, and strategies, on how to handle it.

We can demonstrate though our behaviors, and actions how to treat others well. 

Remember, actions always speak louder than words.

 Be an example.

Don’t be an adult bully…

Kids who witness bullying from their parents, and who are bullied at home, repeat and practice what they learn.

Here’s an idea; use the word STOP as an acronym to give your kids simple and easy ways to make a difference!

S- SAY SOMETHING

T- TELL SOMONE

O- OBJECT LOUDLY TO WHAT YOU SEE

P- PREVENTION--- DON’T PARTICIPATE

Being bullied hurts… it hurts in ways that can scar deeply. It leaves kids with low self-esteem that may take years to work through.

When we choose to be part of the solution and empower our kids we can make a difference…

Choose to help.

Teach your kids well.

Be part of the solution!

Until next time,

Pam