How’s Your 2016 Going?

Hi!

I wrote a blog post near the end of January.  I was thinking about the New Year and what I hope to achieve and accomplish.

I shared that I used to be quite specific on a variety of categories that I set goals for.

This year, as I shared, I only thought about 3 things: Life, Love and Health.

How are you doing so far with your goals?

I think it’s helpful to pause each month and reflect.  See how you’re doing.

Is your life evolving the way you had hoped? 

If not, what can you do about it?

There’s a great book that I refer to periodically.   It’s called “mindset: The New Psychology of Success”, by Carol Dweck.

As we live our lives, our mindset can make a huge difference in what we achieve and become.

We don’t have to always be happy.  It can make you anxious to try and be happy all the time.  That’s not realistic.

Did you ever wonder what would happen if when someone asked the common polite question, “How are you?” you launched into what may really be going on in your life?

It could be a lot of fun! 

Mindset  helps with the realty of life, and speaks to what we have in our own power to control.

We all spend time in our own heads… that self- talk that is constant.

What mindset offers is way to approach life inside out.  Start with the talk that goes on in your own head.  Assess, analyze and adjust your way of looking at things.

By the simple act of adjusting your approach, your mindset, you have the chance to truly change your own life.

I am not speaking about positive thinking. 

Positive thinking is useful, but as I know for myself, sometimes I can get trapped in that… what changing your mindset does, is manage your approach to life. 

If now that it is February 16^th, 2016, the first month of the year is done, we are halfway though the second, and you are feeling you’d like to tweak, adjust, or change parts of your life, check this book out.

Mindset:  it’s useful and easy to read.

I know that for my first big goal of 2016, LIFE, this book has made a difference.  It’s a great tool to help reset your thoughts,  manage your life, and design your personal  approach to your own life.

Here’s to finding your way well!

Until next time,

Pam

SO… it’s a New Year…

Hello all!

I hope the end of 2015 brought you good luck, good times, and great Holidays.

Now that the New Year is almost one month old, how are you doing?  Have you made any goals for yourself this year?

I used to take time to write down pretty clear guidelines for what I wanted to do each new year.

At the beginning of each year I would find some quiet time, sit hopefully in a peaceful spot, and map out my ideas for how I wanted to live my life in the coming year.

I thought this was a good practice.  Some quiet time to get my mind straight.  Ideas and plans for making my life more… more engaged, more thoughtful, more loving, more healthy, more spiritual, more effective…

You get the drift.

As this year began, I sat down, thought about writing out specific goals , and then revised my thought.

I took time to think about three things: Life, Love, and Health.

That was it.

As everyone knows, Life can get complicated quickly.  You are moving along, enjoying your day, and then you can get a phone call. 

Everyone one of us knows about that.  Sometimes they bring great joy, sometimes, a great laugh, sometimes, great pride, sometimes, great peace and sometimes, great sadness.

So, first, enjoy your life.  Why not?  Don’t look for or try to anticipate what may come, because no one knows.

I had a friend of mine tell me “Worry is like trying to cross a bridge before you even get there.  Don’t try to plan for it before you get there, because you don’t have any idea what it looks like.”

Wise words…. Worth trying!

So next, Love.  Love… a four-letter word that is so powerful.

Everyone needs love.  Everyone wants love.  Everyone searches for love.

The longer I am in this world, the more I know for sure that no one can receive love unless they love themselves.

Start there.  Love and care for yourself well.  The rest will follow.

We are in charge of NO ONE but ourselves… so let the idea go of trying to change anyone to give you what you need, or what you want.

Love yourself well!

And, last Health.

Hmmm… this can be tricky.

Actually no one thinks about Health until they don’t have it. 

So, take good care of yourself and those you love.  It’s important and will make a difference.

Don’t loose yourself in excess. 

Moderation is the key. 

Eat well.  Exercise both your body and your mind, and HAVE FUN 

Kids are always watching what we do, so they’ll benefit too!

That’s it!

Hope it helps… I think it may be my best plan yet!

Until next time,

Pam

On the idea of pausing intelligently….

I am on Facebook.  I like to search for posts that provide me with new thoughts, or ideas that hit a nerve.

I like to share those posts on my Author page… and hope that what I choose to share, makes a difference to someone who reads it, or at least causes a moment of thought, a time to reflect… pause.

Today, while searching, and taking time to catch up on posts, and work I had not done, I came across an author: L.R. Knost.

As I reflected on what this author was saying, I thought about the wisdom of her words. 

One of the posts I read today, provoked me to write about the “Intelligent Pause.”

I have raised three children who are the inspiration behind this blog.  They are all competent adults now,  working, participating in society and raising children of their own.

As a parent, and those of us who are parents know this, it can be hard to find the right words, the right response, and the right reaction to our children’s behavior.  It can be hard all the time, but especially during the trying developmental stages of toddlers and teenagers.

I like to think that I was, and am, a pretty darn good parent.  Yet, there were definitely times I was less than that, actually far less than that, putrid even.

I remember times when one, or two or all three of my children were acting inappropriately, being naughty, pushing buttons.  I remember loosing it and yelling at them, loudly!

And, I wonder, would the ability to have paused for that brief moment before I reacted, made a difference in my children’s emotional and psychological health?

I am pretty darn sure the answer to that question is a resounding “YES!”

Truly, I am not kicking myself here for mistakes made, because honestly, we all make them.  It’s part of being human, fallible, and imperfect.  Yet, I do think that the ability to pause, even for a brief moment before you react will make a difference. 

It will allow you to respond to your children in a way that is healthier for everyone… you and them.  

Being a good parent is hard.  It is a job that takes years to perfect, and even then, we all will mess up.  I know I have.

Keep trying.  Keep trying each day to pause before your react… take that extra moment to breathe, settle yourself and then respond. 

It will be worth it.  Your kids will benefit, and you will too.

Then, when you just can’t help yourself and you mess up, because face it, we all will, apologize to your kids.

Hmmm… I took time to pause in my paragraphing…

Did it give you a moment to think?

The “Intelligent Pause”…. Take time to try it.

Until next time,

Pam

 

Bullying… How do we stop?

I was reading an online paper today that had a short video attached.  It told the story of 3 girls sitting at a bus stop; two were bullying one.

The interesting story line attached was “What would you do?”

As the video played out, ( I do not know if the girls, all middle school age, were actors and knew what the intent of the video was, or if this was real) a variety of adults entered the screen.

The setting was a bus stop, and the three girls were sitting on a bench talking.  Two of the three began to belittle, mock and harass the third.

As adults came onto this scene, it was interesting to watch what each chose to do, and if they chose to intercede.

The adults ranged in age, race, and gender.  Most of them chose to help.

What would you do?

I know I would choose to help.

Kids can be mean, we all know that, but to witness it happening, and choose not to intercede, is cowardly.

Kids need to know that they matter. 

As I was thinking about this I can still remember being picked on by mean girls… I was in Junior High, and it was hard.

The messages we receive from other kids stick! All these years later, I can remember, where, when and who.

All of us can help.

What’s the answer?

We can’t be there to protect our kids from instances like this, but we can arm them with ideas, and strategies, on how to handle it.

We can demonstrate though our behaviors, and actions how to treat others well. 

Remember, actions always speak louder than words.

 Be an example.

Don’t be an adult bully…

Kids who witness bullying from their parents, and who are bullied at home, repeat and practice what they learn.

Here’s an idea; use the word STOP as an acronym to give your kids simple and easy ways to make a difference!

S- SAY SOMETHING

T- TELL SOMONE

O- OBJECT LOUDLY TO WHAT YOU SEE

P- PREVENTION--- DON’T PARTICIPATE

Being bullied hurts… it hurts in ways that can scar deeply. It leaves kids with low self-esteem that may take years to work through.

When we choose to be part of the solution and empower our kids we can make a difference…

Choose to help.

Teach your kids well.

Be part of the solution!

Until next time,

Pam

Life’s Most Important Lesson…

One of my trusted guides in this whole writing process has suggested different topics for me to ponder and pontificate on… well, maybe she did not say pontificate, but discuss.

As I read through my topic list this morning, one idea struck me.

What is the most important lesson I have learned in life?

I have looked at that topic and passed right by it many times.  I thought, what IS the most important lesson?  Seemed too heady for me.

Now, as I thought about it this morning, it’s not.

The most important lesson I have learned in life is…to be kind.

Being kind.  That sounds mundane, boring, trivial even.  But it’s not.

Having worked with children for many years, and most recently with young children, one of the classroom rule’s we always had was to be kind to each other.

My teaching partner and I always thought that was a great goal… but the best part was that the KIDS came up with that!

They actually said, “We should be nice to each other.”

Their words not ours.

Amazing how us grownups can screw that up.

Being kind seems like it should be simple. 

Don’t we start to hear that message at a young age?  Be nice to you sister or brother, be nice and share your toys with your friends.  Be nice to the people we meet at the store… etc.

But, is being kind simple?  Is it as simple as the lessons our parents tried to teach us?

I don’t think so.

As an adult, being kind takes work. 

Being kind means that you are going to choose to treat someone else well…maybe even better than yourself.

Being kind means noticing.  Noticing other people around you. Noticing if someone seems down, or off, or like they’re having a bad day.  Noticing even when it’s not convenient.

Being kind means taking the time.  Taking the time to say something nice, do something nice, or even just smile at someone else.

Being kind means deciding.  Deciding to notice others, and consciously be aware of people around you.

Little kids, if you watch them, are really, really, good at this.

While teaching preschool, I saw this often.  If someone came into the classroom and was having a hard time saying “bye” to Mom, or just feeling off, kids knew.

They were naturally intuitive to others, and would always try to help.  A simple gesture was often just asking, “Are you sad?” accompanied by a sweet little kid hug.

It always made a difference!

So, today, as we go about our busy adult lives, why not take the time, decide, choose and notice people around us.

Be kind to someone.  They will notice.   It matters.

Until next time,

Pam