Sometimes I Got It Right

It’s been a while since I took the time to talk about something that I hope will add inspiration, calm, and perhaps a giggle about the whole parenting escapade.

Being a parent is one of the hardest jobs in the world, especially when you are trying to be mindful of doing a good job and not mess your kids up too much. Realize though, that messing up (just a bit) makes kids more interesting! :)

I was about eight months pregnant when our youngest daughter, Megan, sat me down to explain to have a “chat.” If you know Megan as an adult, you will understand that she had a precocious way with words even as a little girl, as she was only four and a half when this happened. 

Megan said we should sit in the living room. She sat on the couch and had me sit across the room from her… not too far, but on a side chair. She meant business.

I asked her what she wanted to talk about and what our meeting was about. She looked at me, and began to talk about having a baby. She said something like, “Well, I have been thinking about this, and I have decided that three kids are just too much for this family.”

You can imagine my state of mind as I listened. Obviously, this was extremely important to her. I had to think about how to validate what she was saying, not send off any vibes that I was dismissing her feelings, while also acknowledging the obvious—I was quite pregnant!

As I looked at her cute little face and saw how serious she was, I had to think about what she was really concerned about, and see if I could get to the bottom of that. I asked, “Megan, why do you think that three kids are too much for our family?"

Because kids are absolutely the best and most honest people on our planet, she looked right at me, and said immediately, “Because you won’t have enough time for me.”

Ahhhh… and there it was, the fear of being left out and marginalized.

I thought for a minute and asked if it would be ok if I came over and sat by her. She gave me permission to do that.

I sat right next to her, put my arm around her and told her how important she was to me, and how glad I was that she shared her feelings with me. I then asked her what I could do to make her feel better.

She thought for a moment, and as only kids can do, said “Well, I’m okay, but don’t spend all your time with the baby. Can we play now?”  I hugged her again, and off we went to play!

I haven’t been the perfect parent, but I think I got it right that day. I respected my four year old as a person, validated what she was saying and acted accordingly.

I think it’s such an important premise to treat children as the people they are—that day, I did it right.

Until next time,
Pam

On Birthdays...

Hi...

Just want to say that no matter what your kids ages are.... the best part of any birthday celebration is being together....

That's it.....


Until next time,
Pam

On Self-Promoting...

Hello...


I will share that  I feel lame when I attempt to shamelessly promote myself...and new book events... yet never experience that same feeling when I shamelessly promote my kids!


Hmmmmm....

Catholic guilt perhaps.

Until next time,

Pam

http://vernon area library

On Vacations...

Hello All!


I am hanging out down here in the Florida Keys because I truly believe I have outgrown winter.

This week is Spring Break I think for a whole variety of people....

Today, I went to one of our local hangouts for lunch, and saw all sorts of families together... it makes me happy when I see people spending time, and deciding to take it down a notch and enjoy each other.

Actually, I did not see one unhappy face, or hear one frustrated parent.  Now, part of that may be because the local hang out is Robbies, which is a gem in the Keys.  Whoever started that business, is genius.  He is a third generation native who has taken the idea of Keys fun, which mostly includes enjoying the marvelous venue, fishing, snorkeling, and celebrating the ecosystem here to it's fullest!

So, even if you can't take a vacation to the Keys, step out this week and enjoy yourself, your kids and your family.

It truly is the best part of life....

Until next time,

Pam

Because I love you....

Hello,

Megan, Pam’s middle child, has temporarily hijacked this blog because I need to tell you a story.

I am 31 and a teacher, down in the Florida Keys on Spring Break. My lovely parents are kind enough to let me come crash their party since they have spent the winter down here, and some of my dear friends also joined us. If anyone out in blog land wonders if my Mom’s ideas about family and kids are for real, take this as evidence: my adult friends were MORE excited to come hang in Florida because my parents were going to be there.

So, last night, my dear friend Katie and I decided to partake in a self-generated Keys tradition of filling a backpack with beer (though tonight we decided to class it up and bring a bottle of wine—because nothing says high class like chardonnay in a camouflage cooler backpack) and biking down the road about 4 miles to watch the sunset. We checked the weather, and though it showed storms for later that night, it said we were in the clear until 10pm. Off we went, pretending not to notice the somewhat ominous dark clouds creeping ever closer over the Florida Bay. Jokingly I told Katie, “Don’t worry. You have met my parents. If anything happens I can promise you they will come blazing down the road in that minivan to get us.” Katie cackled and we kept going.

The sunset was less than amazing (see mention of massive dark storm clouds above), but the company was lovely, as was the wine. Slowly, we noticed the temperature drop just the slightest as the wind kicked up. And then, as ocean storms tend to do, it went from nothing to all hell breaking loose in a matter of 3 minutes. Katie and I scrambled up the rocks as we saw lighting start to flash in the distance, hopped quickly onto our bikes, and started to peddle like hell. Wind gusts off the ocean slammed into us, practically blowing us over, and we both squinted pirate style in a vain attempt to see anything at all as the rain blasted us. In an attempt to lighten the mood, Katie hollered, “Well… I guess this is going to be a character building ride tonight!” We laughed nervously as we got increasingly uncomfortable. Katie worked very hard to count the seconds between lightening strikes and thunder booms to reassure us both the storm was still far off as we peddled as fast as we could. However, that mathematical weather genius did not reassure us as the space between flashes and cracks quickly went from 10 seconds, to 8 seconds, to 6 seconds. Then, it was no longer a joke. There was lightening all around us. We could not see anything and could barely stay on our bikes. I yelled curse words into the wind and got nervous for real when, all of a sudden, we heard the reassuring sound of a mini van car horn. Blazing off the road and onto the bike path in full rescue ranger mode came that red mini van, piloted by none other than The Chief, with Pamcakes hanging out the window hollering at us to jump in. Bikes were thrown in the trunk. Katie and I were dying laughing because we knew, the whole time, that if things got really bad, that mini van was going to show up. Because even if you are 31 years old, if you need help, your parents are going to be there for you.

Over and over again, as we laughed our way back to the house, my Mom just kept saying, “Well duh! We love you… there is no way we’d leave you out there!” Over freshly filled wine glasses, Katie nailed it. She smiled and said, “You know, and that’s the difference. All she said was, ‘because we love you.’ It would be so easy for them to have been really mad at us, or to shame us, or just get angry. But they didn’t… they just led with love and were glad that we were ok. And that’s the difference.”

And that really is the difference. I knew, my whole life, that no matter what I did (and trust me, I did some really stupid things), that mini van would be there. However, just because parents who always led with love raised me, doesn’t mean I didn’t get my ass handed to me when I needed it. They led with love at every turn, but they also made it damn clear where the boundaries were and made us face the consequences when we needed to. What they never did though, was shame us for making a mistake. And that really is the difference.

Katie and I are both teachers, and though we have no children of our own, we spend our days watching kids flourish, struggle, grow, adapt, and learn. We work to create classrooms that revolve around a mindset similar to “Because I love you,” and see the benefits of that every day. Our classrooms are full of kids that will take risks, see failure as an opportunity, lead with dignity, and trust us enough to try really hard because before anything else happens in our classrooms, we take the time to make sure each kid knows anything that happens is because we love them. Whether it’s a hard conversation about choices, or a funny picture sent to cheer them up, or strong feedback about areas for growth, the relationship we establish is what makes everything possible.

So, as the grown child of someone who was raised with “Because I love you” as the family mantra, all I can say to my parents is thank you. More than you will ever know.

Snow Days...

Hello!


So if today is a Monday that is making you crazy....like for instance you're in New York and you will soon have much much snow dumped on you... and your kids will be house happy... and may not know what to do with themselves....

1.  If they're big enough, have them do all the shoveling out
2.  Invite them to plan your dinner... no matter what they come up with
3.  Take the day off... you will know for sure you won't get stuck in the
      snow...
4.  Play... mess up the house, build forts, and drink hot chocolate...
5.  When the kids go to bed, switch from hot chocolate to wine...
6.  Dream of Sunshine...

Just some thoughts....

Until next time,
Pam

On Family Dynamics...

Morning!


I have just one thought today....


When it comes to family dynamics, communication is key.... for both big people and small people!

Then you can lessen the chance of misunderstanding, and having pie in you face!

Until next time,

Pam