R words... Resolutions, Rebalancing, Rebooting

Hello All!

It has been a while.  I have been carrying a notebook around in case I had any ideas or notions of what to write about.

In the last month we all started a new year.  A time of new beginnings, new opportunities, and new challenges.  I like to think that most of what life presents are opportunities, some better than others. That is where the title comes in, and is what I am working on.

At the beginning of any new year, we hear about all sorts of New Year's resolutions.  It has become a constant in society, lots of talk around the start of each new calendar year.   People make resolutions, plans on how to change and improve their lives.  I do too.  I try to sit down somewhere near the beginning of the year and think about how I want to evolve.  I like the word evolve.  It is a verb that means to" develop gradually and naturally; devise; unfold, open out".

I went to a conference in November, and had the chance to see an educator and presenter that I admire. She spoke to the fact, that although she loved what she had been doing, it was now time to "reboot".  She said she came up with that idea, instead of retiring.  Retiring sounded too staid and old to her, and I have to say I grabbed onto the idea.

If we are lucky enough to hang around a long time, we will get a lot of chances to "reboot".  At the place I am at in life, I am now more of an advisor and hopefully role model to my/our children.  As I have said, they are all grown and live on their own and have their own lives.

Recently I had the chance to reconnect with a person I  had not seen for a while. She chose to share with me all the challenges, changes and new opportunities she had and is experiencing in her own life.  I was honored and thrilled that she shared her ideas and thoughts with me.  She is an example of a woman who is rebalancing and rebooting and evolving on terms that matter to her, even if her Mom is not able to support her at this time.  I thought a lot about that.

Each of us, no matter where we are along the spectrum of life, want to be accepted and validated and truly loved unconditionally by our parents.  I know that for some people that is easier than for others.  I guess the conundrum of parenting is that we truly have to demonstrate that our love is  unconditional.   I like the older version of the movie "Dirty Dancing" with Jennifer Grey.  She has a falling out with her father at one point in the movie, and she says to him "If you love me, you have to love all of me", and also says something to the effect that he can not just love her for the parts he likes, but also for the parts he does not.

A few years ago, when I began my first attempts at writing this blog, I proposed that unconditional love was one of the tenets of good parenting.  I have to say I believe that even more today.

This past weekend, we had the chance to attend a wedding in Los Angeles (why I came back to Chicago is beyond me with all this cold!)  While we were there, we got to spend time with our kids, and Max and our nephew and many of Anne's friends.  During that time, we heard about what they were all doing, and how their lives were evolving.  We got to listen.

After Bill and I got back, we were talking about how interesting it is to see what people evolve into and how they design their lives.  Honestly, it is hard to not want to tell your kids what to do, but I guess that is just it.  We have to take the opportunity to evolve and continually try to give our kids, no matter what age they are, the gift of unconditional love.  I think it pays off....

When we landed and I turned my phone on, I had 3 great messages, one from each of our kids.  They were thanking us for just that, loving them well enough to allow,  support and encourage them to be who they need to be.

O.K. !

So far, so good.  I am working hard on this whole rebooting thing. Knowing that my goal now is to love my kids unconditionally enough to let them be.  Let them be, so they can become more of their own true selves each year.  It's hard!  So, I am being thoughtful about resolutions, and rebalancing and continually "rebooting".

Happy evolving!

Until next time,

Pam

Part two of this week...Confessions...

Hello!

Today I had the chance to have lunch with a friend of both mine and my Mom's.  My Mom, God bless her, was a complicated person.  I miss her daily, and also know that when she was here, I periodically wanted to take a shot at her!

Ok... I am not a perfect person, and so when I had lunch with this friend today, she and I shared stories about my Mom.  My Mom, being who she was, had a tendency to see the world and her life through a series of rose colored glasses.  I guess that is a nice way of saying she would make sh*t up!

As lunch progressed and we talked more, it was clear to me that Sandy had been told stories that I knew and was actually involved in.  The version she had been told was quite different from what had actually happened.

Here is the confession part.   Family.   Family is complicated and challenging and lovely all at the same time.   I know I want to think that my family, the one Bill and I created, will be fabulous, supportive, healthy and

perfect all the time.  But, alas, as any sane person knows, that will not be the truth.

What I do know, is that when you are all in, and I think most families are, the good, the bad and the periodic ugly are part of it all!  I really don't think anyone escapes.  I have said that each of us have some level of dysfunction in family life.  If you don't I think you are either lying or delusional!

So, if you have any family gatherings this holiday season, figure some of it will be great, some of it will be bad, and some of it will be in the middle.   Personally, I am hoping for more of it to be great!

Like I told my kids, I do believe I have done the best I could.  If there are any complaints, I am going to suggest they blame it on their Dad!

Oh, and yes, I do miss my Mom, in spite of and because of it all.

Until next time,

Happy Holidays, Pam

Sparkle!

Hello!

Today when I was at one of our local malls finishing up some shopping, I met this beautiful little girl.
She was 14 months old, according to her speaker, her Mom.  She was dressed from head to toe in red, white and sparkle.   She had silver sparkle shoes, a red jumper with sparkles, a white turtle neck with sparkles, and red hair bows with added silver sparkle...just for emphasis.  She was there to see Santa.  Her Mom said they were early, Santa did not return from lunch for about 30 minutes.  Their plan was to try and have her stay clean and sparkly while they let her run around as they passed the time.  All of them had huge happy smiles on their faces.  They sparkled!

Here's to sparkling!

Hope you all find yours during the Holidays.

Until next time,

Pam

Just do it....anyway

Hello!


I thought I had better add a twist to the whole "Just Do It"  slogan so that I would not get in trouble for stealing someone else's idea.

I was busy watching a whole bunch of stuff on You Tube that a friend suggested.  So, as I was watching said info, a piece popped up called "Why would you want to bring kids into the world as it is now?" I was intrigued.  I clicked the watch button.

The piece was compelling.  It was a video of expectant parents of all races and ethnicities.  It showed these soon to be parents, watching videos on the television monitor of a whole variety of horrible afflictions, events and disasters throughout the world.   Of course, many of the parents were tearing up, both expectant Moms and Dads.  ( Me too! Even though I am most definitely not expecting!)

I generally think of myself as a positive person, unless it is one of those times when I go off the ranch  and decide to worry about a whole plethora of things, most of which I have no control over anyway.  So, I was annoyed that someone would dedicate their creativity to this sort of idea.  Then, I saw the point.

After seeing all of these negative images there was a brief interlude, and then... images of lovely newborn babies interspersed with historical figures that changed the world began to stream across the video monitor.   People.  People who became important for ideas, inventions, diplomacy, music, art.  People who changed the world through their very presence, their very being.  As an irony, as I am sitting here writing, an inspirational message from an app I have on my phone popped up.  It was from Albert Einstein.

Being a parent is a scary, daunting, exhausting challenging task.  Parenting, as a verb, requires endless hours of blood sweat and tears, and there are no guarantees that your hard work will pay off.  There are no guarantees that your children will not suffer or have hard times in their lives.  Yet, I do believe parenting provides the opportunity to make a difference, to change the world through the people we mold.

So, having said all that, just do it anyway. Why bring kids into this world?  Because.

Who knows?

Maybe you are nurturing the next Albert Einstein...


Until next time,

Pam

It always matters....

Hello,


I want to say that in this short but succinct post, parenting never ends.  It matters not what age your children are.  They are always your children.  You continually want the best for them, however that looks.  You want them to find their own way well, and you want them to find all the pieces of life that truly matter....  Life, Health, Meaningful Work, Friendship and Love.

That's it.....

Until next time,
Pam

A Conundrum

Hello...


A Conundrum.   I looked up the definition of the word.  I wanted to make sure that if I put myself out there I had it right.  I did.  The word conundrum is a noun.  It means "riddle or hard question".  Here goes.

This morning I was sitting thinking about my kids, well actually our kids, but for the sake of this effort, my kids.  Our youngest daughter had been in for the weekend.  One of her best friends got married on Saturday.  She was in the wedding and we were invited to be part of the celebration.  ( First, that is a conundrum itself...how did Bill and I get to be friends of the parents?????)  We had a really nice time.  I got to have her all to myself for a bit on Friday afternoon before her duties and obligations as Maid of Honor began, and before all of the wedding festivities.   The wedding was lovely and fun.  Bill and I got to see some of Megan's best friends and spend time with them as well.   It was nice to be included and even complimented that Megan's friends enjoy our company.   Then it was Sunday.  I had to give Meg a hug and put her on a plane back to her life in Cleveland.  A Conundrum.

After Bill and I dropped Megan off we decided to Face Time our oldest daughter Anne.  She answered the call and we got to chat for a few minutes with her and her husband, Patrick.   We got to see Max, our grandson, chatting and playing and rolling around.  It was fun to see all of that....BUT it was on the phone.  A second Conundrum.

This morning, Monday, I texted our youngest.  I have not talked live with him for two weeks.  I did the Mom thing, I used guilt!  I said texting and all of that was fine, but I needed to have a conversation.  A real live voice on the phone, a sharing of experiences and ideas.  My guilting him worked.  We had a lovely conversation and got caught up on what has been happening in his and our new Megan Saxelby's lives.

  A third Conundrum.

I am pretty sure that if we had more kids, I would have more conundrums.

So, why the conundrum?  I went back and re-read the six premises I originally suggested about my philosophy on parenting 4 years ago.  Here is the list:

First,  Love unconditionally.  Well, that is all well and good, but how about the fact that sometimes I would like to have them conditionally...like live closer, and have weekly dinners and chat every day?

Second, Be the Parent.   Well, except when I want what I want, like spending more time live and chatting live and not putting people on planes.

Third, Use the Scary Word "No".  Ok,

except don't use that word on me.  

Fourth,  Do not try to create the child in your image.   Except when I want them to know exactly what I want and hope they have ESP and call me because I miss them.

Five,  Help them find their way.   I agree, but sometimes I don't like it!

Six,  Do No Harm.   Does guilt count?


There.   That is my Conundrum.  I admit openly and clearly and honestly that I really do think all six of those ideas are important and have merit.

Just maybe not on a dreary Monday when I would love to have coffee with Anne and hug Max, and meet Billy for a beer, and have Megan over for dinner, well actually have Anne, Patrick, Max, Billy, Megan and Megan over for dinner.

Just sayin.....


Until next time,

A partial impostor

Pam

Two Women a Baby and a Bug....

Hello!


Last time I wrote anything, I was anticipating great adventures.  Three generations crossing the Atlantic.  A quest to the great International Cheese Festival in Bra, Italy, not actually the Holy Grail, but close!

I was not sure what to expect!  I did know that there were two grownups and one baby and that the odds were in our favor!  I also knew that my daughter was and is fearless, that she was excited about the chance to take Max to new places.  I knew we would meet new people and experience new things, that Max loved people and loved being with his Mommy and I loved being with them, so we would be good.

When we arrived, after an overnight flight, which Max slept through, but we did not, we found our guide, she guided us to our rental car, we figured out the navigation system (by we I mean Anne) and took off.  We did not know that we actually should have gotten some Euros at the airport because even though we had American dollars and American credit cards, we did not have what we needed to pay the tolls on the toll roads, of which we encountered our first one very quickly.  We pulled up, tried our best to pay the toll, and then honked our horn a lot until a man appeared out of a tunnel and asked us what the #$% was wrong with us?  We talked to him ( and again by we I mean Anne) in fluent French and explained that we were sorry but we only had American money and American credit cards.  I think he may have thought bad things about us, but thankfully Anne is cute and we had a cute baby and she spoke French.  He gave us Euros to pay the toll, more Euros for the next one, and then told us where to get off to find an ATM so we could actually get our own Euros...whew...first problem averted. Onward!

We found our way to the ATM, enjoyed a beautiful drive down the mountain, got our own Euros and drove back up the mountain to our first destination, Verduno, which was our home base while in Italy.  We thought the drive would be about two hours, three and a half hours later, we arrived.   The site for our stay, this lovely little village, was in the vineyards and hilltops ten minutes outside of Bra where the cheese festival was held.  We were grateful to have arrived, solved a few more problems, like the fact that neither of our cell phones worked, even after numerous calls to the provider of paid for cell service, which shall remained unnamed, cause who knows who actually reads this stuff that I write, and were able to let all interested parties know we had found our way, and were not lost somewhere along the Mediterranean Sea.  We then proceeded to get food that we would all like, given that Max had decided that baby food was passe, gave Max his first Italian sink bath, and passed out.   We crossed our fingers that Max would sleep thru the night..... AND he did!

That was just the beginning of adventures and fun and exploration.  We took Max everywhere, as I said Anne is fearless, I was the doubter at times, like the night we took him into a fancy hotel restaurant.  As we entered the dining room, the head waiter and his staff all gave us the stink eye as we asked to be seated for dinner, I am pretty sure I was sweating by that point, BUT  Max was a trooper, better than a trooper he charmed everyone.  The dinner was lovely, the staff loved Max and Anne and I got to even enjoy a glass of wine!  See, Mommies know their babies....Grammies only have opinions until they are in the fancy restaurant and get to watch their grandchild in action!  We had many lovely nights like that.  Two women and a baby on great adventures, lunches out, villages to explore, and lovely sites to be seen.  We even managed when between the two said grownups we forgot the stroller and Anne carried Max all around the village of Barolo!

As for the Cheese Festival, Max charmed everyone.  Anne met people she loves and spent time learning and exploring and anticipating ways to make Saxelby Cheese even more dynamic and current and interesting, along with providing excellent and new product.  What fun to watch her in her element!  This Mommy also knows her child.  She is a force, a delight and such fun to watch.  As our kids become adults and explore and create their lives, it is a gift to participate, and be invited into their worlds.

Helping our children be who they are supposed to be.  Two woman and a baby on adventures through Europe.  Me helping Anne be able to take the trip and provide support.  Anne learning and exploring and designing new ways for her business.  Anne with the added gift of her baby son along to enjoy and expose to life.... in all sorts of new forms and ways and places.  Watching Max learn and become and be new each day!  Wow...

What an opportunity!

So, I say, seize the opportunities and adventures and times of life to be fully engaged.  Evolve, help your kids evolve, grow and learn.

I know these two women and a baby did just that!

Oh... as for the bug part, Anne and I got sick as dogs after we got back...

As for the baby...he is made of kryptonite and was just fine.  Whew!

Until next time...

Pam....aka one of the two women