Just do it....anyway

Hello!


I thought I had better add a twist to the whole "Just Do It"  slogan so that I would not get in trouble for stealing someone else's idea.

I was busy watching a whole bunch of stuff on You Tube that a friend suggested.  So, as I was watching said info, a piece popped up called "Why would you want to bring kids into the world as it is now?" I was intrigued.  I clicked the watch button.

The piece was compelling.  It was a video of expectant parents of all races and ethnicities.  It showed these soon to be parents, watching videos on the television monitor of a whole variety of horrible afflictions, events and disasters throughout the world.   Of course, many of the parents were tearing up, both expectant Moms and Dads.  ( Me too! Even though I am most definitely not expecting!)

I generally think of myself as a positive person, unless it is one of those times when I go off the ranch  and decide to worry about a whole plethora of things, most of which I have no control over anyway.  So, I was annoyed that someone would dedicate their creativity to this sort of idea.  Then, I saw the point.

After seeing all of these negative images there was a brief interlude, and then... images of lovely newborn babies interspersed with historical figures that changed the world began to stream across the video monitor.   People.  People who became important for ideas, inventions, diplomacy, music, art.  People who changed the world through their very presence, their very being.  As an irony, as I am sitting here writing, an inspirational message from an app I have on my phone popped up.  It was from Albert Einstein.

Being a parent is a scary, daunting, exhausting challenging task.  Parenting, as a verb, requires endless hours of blood sweat and tears, and there are no guarantees that your hard work will pay off.  There are no guarantees that your children will not suffer or have hard times in their lives.  Yet, I do believe parenting provides the opportunity to make a difference, to change the world through the people we mold.

So, having said all that, just do it anyway. Why bring kids into this world?  Because.

Who knows?

Maybe you are nurturing the next Albert Einstein...


Until next time,

Pam

It always matters....

Hello,


I want to say that in this short but succinct post, parenting never ends.  It matters not what age your children are.  They are always your children.  You continually want the best for them, however that looks.  You want them to find their own way well, and you want them to find all the pieces of life that truly matter....  Life, Health, Meaningful Work, Friendship and Love.

That's it.....

Until next time,
Pam

A Conundrum

Hello...


A Conundrum.   I looked up the definition of the word.  I wanted to make sure that if I put myself out there I had it right.  I did.  The word conundrum is a noun.  It means "riddle or hard question".  Here goes.

This morning I was sitting thinking about my kids, well actually our kids, but for the sake of this effort, my kids.  Our youngest daughter had been in for the weekend.  One of her best friends got married on Saturday.  She was in the wedding and we were invited to be part of the celebration.  ( First, that is a conundrum itself...how did Bill and I get to be friends of the parents?????)  We had a really nice time.  I got to have her all to myself for a bit on Friday afternoon before her duties and obligations as Maid of Honor began, and before all of the wedding festivities.   The wedding was lovely and fun.  Bill and I got to see some of Megan's best friends and spend time with them as well.   It was nice to be included and even complimented that Megan's friends enjoy our company.   Then it was Sunday.  I had to give Meg a hug and put her on a plane back to her life in Cleveland.  A Conundrum.

After Bill and I dropped Megan off we decided to Face Time our oldest daughter Anne.  She answered the call and we got to chat for a few minutes with her and her husband, Patrick.   We got to see Max, our grandson, chatting and playing and rolling around.  It was fun to see all of that....BUT it was on the phone.  A second Conundrum.

This morning, Monday, I texted our youngest.  I have not talked live with him for two weeks.  I did the Mom thing, I used guilt!  I said texting and all of that was fine, but I needed to have a conversation.  A real live voice on the phone, a sharing of experiences and ideas.  My guilting him worked.  We had a lovely conversation and got caught up on what has been happening in his and our new Megan Saxelby's lives.

  A third Conundrum.

I am pretty sure that if we had more kids, I would have more conundrums.

So, why the conundrum?  I went back and re-read the six premises I originally suggested about my philosophy on parenting 4 years ago.  Here is the list:

First,  Love unconditionally.  Well, that is all well and good, but how about the fact that sometimes I would like to have them conditionally...like live closer, and have weekly dinners and chat every day?

Second, Be the Parent.   Well, except when I want what I want, like spending more time live and chatting live and not putting people on planes.

Third, Use the Scary Word "No".  Ok,

except don't use that word on me.  

Fourth,  Do not try to create the child in your image.   Except when I want them to know exactly what I want and hope they have ESP and call me because I miss them.

Five,  Help them find their way.   I agree, but sometimes I don't like it!

Six,  Do No Harm.   Does guilt count?


There.   That is my Conundrum.  I admit openly and clearly and honestly that I really do think all six of those ideas are important and have merit.

Just maybe not on a dreary Monday when I would love to have coffee with Anne and hug Max, and meet Billy for a beer, and have Megan over for dinner, well actually have Anne, Patrick, Max, Billy, Megan and Megan over for dinner.

Just sayin.....


Until next time,

A partial impostor

Pam

Two Women a Baby and a Bug....

Hello!


Last time I wrote anything, I was anticipating great adventures.  Three generations crossing the Atlantic.  A quest to the great International Cheese Festival in Bra, Italy, not actually the Holy Grail, but close!

I was not sure what to expect!  I did know that there were two grownups and one baby and that the odds were in our favor!  I also knew that my daughter was and is fearless, that she was excited about the chance to take Max to new places.  I knew we would meet new people and experience new things, that Max loved people and loved being with his Mommy and I loved being with them, so we would be good.

When we arrived, after an overnight flight, which Max slept through, but we did not, we found our guide, she guided us to our rental car, we figured out the navigation system (by we I mean Anne) and took off.  We did not know that we actually should have gotten some Euros at the airport because even though we had American dollars and American credit cards, we did not have what we needed to pay the tolls on the toll roads, of which we encountered our first one very quickly.  We pulled up, tried our best to pay the toll, and then honked our horn a lot until a man appeared out of a tunnel and asked us what the #$% was wrong with us?  We talked to him ( and again by we I mean Anne) in fluent French and explained that we were sorry but we only had American money and American credit cards.  I think he may have thought bad things about us, but thankfully Anne is cute and we had a cute baby and she spoke French.  He gave us Euros to pay the toll, more Euros for the next one, and then told us where to get off to find an ATM so we could actually get our own Euros...whew...first problem averted. Onward!

We found our way to the ATM, enjoyed a beautiful drive down the mountain, got our own Euros and drove back up the mountain to our first destination, Verduno, which was our home base while in Italy.  We thought the drive would be about two hours, three and a half hours later, we arrived.   The site for our stay, this lovely little village, was in the vineyards and hilltops ten minutes outside of Bra where the cheese festival was held.  We were grateful to have arrived, solved a few more problems, like the fact that neither of our cell phones worked, even after numerous calls to the provider of paid for cell service, which shall remained unnamed, cause who knows who actually reads this stuff that I write, and were able to let all interested parties know we had found our way, and were not lost somewhere along the Mediterranean Sea.  We then proceeded to get food that we would all like, given that Max had decided that baby food was passe, gave Max his first Italian sink bath, and passed out.   We crossed our fingers that Max would sleep thru the night..... AND he did!

That was just the beginning of adventures and fun and exploration.  We took Max everywhere, as I said Anne is fearless, I was the doubter at times, like the night we took him into a fancy hotel restaurant.  As we entered the dining room, the head waiter and his staff all gave us the stink eye as we asked to be seated for dinner, I am pretty sure I was sweating by that point, BUT  Max was a trooper, better than a trooper he charmed everyone.  The dinner was lovely, the staff loved Max and Anne and I got to even enjoy a glass of wine!  See, Mommies know their babies....Grammies only have opinions until they are in the fancy restaurant and get to watch their grandchild in action!  We had many lovely nights like that.  Two women and a baby on great adventures, lunches out, villages to explore, and lovely sites to be seen.  We even managed when between the two said grownups we forgot the stroller and Anne carried Max all around the village of Barolo!

As for the Cheese Festival, Max charmed everyone.  Anne met people she loves and spent time learning and exploring and anticipating ways to make Saxelby Cheese even more dynamic and current and interesting, along with providing excellent and new product.  What fun to watch her in her element!  This Mommy also knows her child.  She is a force, a delight and such fun to watch.  As our kids become adults and explore and create their lives, it is a gift to participate, and be invited into their worlds.

Helping our children be who they are supposed to be.  Two woman and a baby on adventures through Europe.  Me helping Anne be able to take the trip and provide support.  Anne learning and exploring and designing new ways for her business.  Anne with the added gift of her baby son along to enjoy and expose to life.... in all sorts of new forms and ways and places.  Watching Max learn and become and be new each day!  Wow...

What an opportunity!

So, I say, seize the opportunities and adventures and times of life to be fully engaged.  Evolve, help your kids evolve, grow and learn.

I know these two women and a baby did just that!

Oh... as for the bug part, Anne and I got sick as dogs after we got back...

As for the baby...he is made of kryptonite and was just fine.  Whew!

Until next time...

Pam....aka one of the two women

coming soon....2 woman a baby and a bug...

A dirty little secret.....

Hello!


After caring for my lovely grandson Max last week,  I found myself sitting in my chiropractors office this morning.  While I was waiting for my turn, I picked up a copy of the Ladies Home Journal. I could have chosen Science Magazine, People, or Rifle Monthly, but I was in a Ladies Home Journal mood.  Besides all of the articles that talk about how to find your best self, and the really important ones about what not to wear, and then of course, what to wear :), I found an essay section written by outside sources and submitted to the magazine. The winning articles were published.  The article I chose, was written by a woman who was discussing that the "Empty Nest Syndrome" can be harder than people think.  I read along, because I was interested, and when I got to the part where she admitted that she wondered "is this the end of my real life?" I looked around to see if anyone else noticed my mouth gapping stare.  After trying to nonchalantly gaze around the waiting room to see if anyone had noticed my strange expression, I thought someone else knows my dirty little secret!

Ok, of course life does not end after your kids grow and go off to college and their own worlds beyond that.  Because, honestly, that is what we are suppose to do!  Helping our children become who they are suppose to become is the goal and mantra, in my opinion, of parenting done well.  After all, how many times have I talked about creating kids who know who they are and what they want and follow their paths, not the ones we may have designed for them.  Yet, as I read the article this morning, it made me realize that in the process of trying our best to parent well, at least for me, there is a Catch-22 component.

When you spend 20+ years, at least, and many more if you have more than one child, thinking about someone else and doing your best to meet their needs, you can rightly and without intent, loose parts of yourself in the process.  I think this is true for men and for women, yet I wonder if it is more of a female issue than male.  Now that both genders choose to stay home with their kids, or become the primary caretaker, this idea may apply to all people who are parents.

So, I am thinking that this part of the story can be a cautionary tale!  While loving your kids well, and spending all the time needed to help them become great people, remember to take good good care of yourself along the way.  I know at times that is hard, and it is not an all or nothing process.  We don't have to give our kids everything of ourselves all the time in order for them to turn out well.  We actually serve them even better by making sure we evolve well.

 Figure out what you need along the way, and nurture that part too.  If you do, than maybe everyone will need less therapy!

Today, celebrate who you are and go out and do something really nice for yourself.  It is not selfish to take care of you and remember who you are, or design new parts of yourself.   As your kids grow, you can too.

Help them find them and help you find you....

My father in law use to say "reach back grab your ass, you've found yourself"!  Obviously he was not into brooding over the whole "Who am I" question.

Today, grab something, or someone, or some new idea, experience or adventure.  Do it just for yourself!

Go for it!  You will love yourself for it and so will your kids.


Until next time,

Pam

clarification...

NO disrespect intended in any way shape or form to outside help or childcare!

Whew....

Pam