P.G. or... aka personal growth

Hello!


I had lunch with a good friend last week. We were catching up.

I value this relationship.  She and I have had very different paths.  She was in the corporate world and quite successful, and I was in the educational / service world and would argue that I did a good job there.

The point of today is, that from the time we bring our babies home, from the time our parents brought us as their babies home, is to grow.  Growth in all ways. Physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, experiential, educational, professional, and relational. I may have left some areas out!  That means I have to grow more.

What does this all mean?  I am thinking I'm clever, because PG means parental guidance in the movie rating industry.  I guess, for me and Bill, my husband, that meant and still means, help our children, now adults, continue to evolve as people.  And, that goes for the two of us as well.

As young parents, I believe the greatest task at hand, is first to keep your kids safe.  And, that is no easy job!  Yikes... I have lost weight chasing young Max, our grandson, around.  First is this task, and that alone is hard.  Then, comes providing opportunities and experiences for mental and educational and experiential growth.  This is the fun part!  Outings, excursions, play, and just about anything you, as parents can think of, that will help your kids see the world and themselves differently.  Emotional growth, well this is a HUGE one, in my book!  To love your children well, and through that give them the skills to love others well, first and foremost themselves.  By providing the right experiences for your children to feel and receive love, you do one of the most important things in creating a wonderful human being, one that has the capacity to give back to others, and to the world at large.

As our children grow and age, we then have some of the bigger tasks of helping them find the right educational settings for their cognitive and intellectual development.  Arguably in the right school setting, kids will have opportunities to grow in all the categories.. and as each of us knows, making it through junior high is no easy task! :)  The educational setting and settings we are able to provide for our children do not need to be financially daunting to be good.  The idea is to be involved to care, to help and to guide.

To guide.. ultimately this is the task throughout life.  To guide our children in all ways, and through all the stages of growth to become their best self.  And, that is our own goal too.  To be a guiding force through how we handle our own lives.  The good, the bad, and the ugly. What we do sets an example for our kids, and to do that does not require perfection.. just honesty.  Actually, our kids learn more from watching how we handle adversity I think.  What we do matters, as well as what we say.

So... today, go ahead and grow... you and your kids!  I guarantee it will be interesting and fun.  Your kids may even teach you a thing or two if you are open to it!

My lunch friend is going to plan a trip to a new place she has never been.  I am planning for my very first video shoot this Saturday for my author profile.....

What are you going to do?

Until next time,

Pam

New Website!

Hi!!


Thanks to someone far far younger than I... I now have a new website...


maxandbear.squarespace.com

Thank you Matt Yates!!  To scare everyone... I actually taught Mr. Matt Yates when he was 3 years old!  Now he is off to college. :)


Until next time!

Pam

Joy...

Hello!

I am sitting in my local Starbucks watching a young couple and their new daughter.  She is about 3-4 months old.  They are mesmerized by her!  She is talking and cooing and they are in complete love with her. She is perched on the table like a trophy.

When I got here, I was attempting to read about how to write my business plan for Max and Bear.  But honestly, I have been just watching this family.

I am always fascinated by the joy a baby brings.  I know that throughout all of history, having a baby is not news.  But, it strikes me that if that baby is yours, or someone you love, it is always miraculous.  

It's summertime, and families have their kids around more, usually.  So, if it is one of those days when you aren't sure what to do, just enjoy.  Kids change and evolve and become someone new each day!

Celebrate and experience the joy that comes from watching the person or persons you have made.

If however, they are being terribly grouchy or challenging, you can always do what I did during those times and say they are "My husband's children."

Until next time,

Pam

Taking a Risk...and shameless promotion....

Hello!

One thing I have talked about is taking a risk, the right one, at the right time.

So, here goes!

I have taken the risk, for myself, and completed my first children's book.  It is called
"Max and Bear" and is now ready and is out in the land of online ordering!

Anyone who would like to take a look, or buy one... :)

It is on :

Amazon.com  and Barnes and Noble.com....

Amazon Listing

Barnes and Noble Listing

Thanks!!!

Shameless promotion...yes!!

Until next time,
Here's to taking risks!

Pam

" More Kids are Better..."

Hi,

This morning while I was waiting for a car in Brooklyn to go help Anne with Max, a young couple walked by with their child in a stroller.  The Mom was explaining to the Dad that she had heard more kids are better.  Her exact words were, " I heard that more kids are better.  If you have more, you can not focus and pick on all the small stuff.  You just worry about the big stuff.  They will be less neurotic."

Well....

What do you think?

Thought for the day!

Until next time,

Pam

Ideas...

Hello!

This morning while I was driving with my youngest daughter, she and I were talking about new ideas for this blog.  She has some young friends who are now mothers.  Her idea, and that of the young women she has spoken to, is to have some of these posts be of the problem solving or helpful idea mode.  Maybe, for those of you who live in Chicago, the Lou Manfredini of parenting

I have been thinking about this of and on today and am honored, in the sense that people think I may be able to offer sound advice!  A lot of the posts I have written are more anecdotal and after the fact.  Maybe here, I can try to head things off at the pass... like today on getting some questions from my oldest daughter.  She has a toddler.

Many of you know, I like to share stories that are real, from my family and from experiences that I have either had or witnessed.  I guess my thought is that observation can be relevant, and that having already been there, it may help to get some ideas and strategies before hand.

Having said all of that,  I do want to always add the disclaimer that all of this, is my opinion.  I will say that Bill and I have some sort of reasonable track record, given that our kids are competent, effective and functioning adults.

Yesterday I received a phone call about what to do with an 18 month old who is just trying to figure out how to talk and get his needs met and is also periodically demanding.  I thought for a few minutes and then just fired away.  

I am a long way removed from the 18 month old!   Yet, I do know that most kids have a spiraling development process.  Just when you think you have things figured out, they change.  There are periods of calm, and periods of evolution and change.  No one stays static, and kids are the same.  I read a good development book when I was a young Mom by Ames and Ilg.  I tried to find a copy for my daughter, but because that was 30 years ago, it is out of print.  The premise was that kids have 6 good months, where they feel calm and comfortable in their own skin, and then 6 months of change and development.   Time to shift, evolve and reach that next developmental  milestone.  Yes, it is true.  Just when you think you have things figured out, they change.  Maybe that is the whole plan.  The chance to understand that life is a constant state of change.

I shared with my daughter that little kids can not truly tell you what they need, and they can't really function too independently until maybe they are 2-3.  Most two year olds still need a lot of supervision and direct play, and then by the time kids are 3, they can spend more time independently playing and occupying themselves.  Young children truly do need you A LOT!   Of course, some personalities require less, and each child is different.  

To that end, although it can be frustrating at times because parents have a lot to do, try hard to savor and enjoy and do your stuff when the kids are napping.  Oh, and it truly is O.K. to use the "evil TV".  Some good kids TV is out there, and you do not have to be a saint.  Sesame Street has won lots and lots of awards!

So, relax, trust yourself and enjoy as best you can.  Play, spend time, and also set boundaries.  Being a good parent does not mean you have to sacrifice all that you want to do.  It just means having to balance and be flexible. 

Until next time,

Lou... oh, I mean Pam

You Can't Drive the Bus...revisited

Hello!

Last weekend I was in New York.  One of my daughter's friends had a baby shower for her, and we were helping Anne, and her husband Patrick, pack up their apartment. They are moving to a new place next week.

While I was there, I was trying to be helpful.  All of us were, my husband, my daughters' Megan, and my son Bill.  Anne has lived in this current apartment for 10 years and she and Patrick have lived there for 4 years.  There was a lot of stuff to pack!

As the weekend progressed and time was spent helping, I had to remind myself that in this scenario, I was an assist, not the captain or co-captain.  Those jobs were already taken.  Anne and Patrick were the co-captains, and Max, of course, was the captain!  Max is their 18 month old son.  I took it upon myself to spend most of my time helping with the captain!

While Max and I were at the park, and later when my husband Bill joined us, I thought the job we were there to do, was provide support.  Support and fun for Max so that he would not be in the middle of all the packing craziness, and support, maybe even relief, for Anne and Patrick so that they did not have to worry about Max.

Hey!  Maybe that is an accurate description of what I was trying to do.  I was trying to be a good relief pitcher!

As our kids get older, and as you ride the bus with them, remember that you are ultimately working towards making yourself obsolete as the driver.  It is hard sometimes to not want to say, pack a box a certain way, or organize a closet, or "suggest" what your kids might do in any number of scenarios! Try hard though, not to.

So at every stage along the way, when the time is right, step out of the driver's seat, trust that you have done a good job and enjoy the ride!

Relief pitchers get lots of glory when they do their job well!

Until next time,

Pam