The Equality Issue....

 Hello!


I wanted to write today, but did not have the inspiration I was searching for.  Luckily I had a fun morning conversation with my friend Eileen.

We were chatting about our kids and where they're at in life.  Eileen has three grown children as well, and we were talking about how even though they are all grown up, we still think about how to make sure that each one gets treated equally.  We came to the conclusion that equal is really not possible, but equitable is!

From the time you have more than one child, at least I did, you think about how to make sure everyone's needs are met and met in a way that demonstrates equality for all.  Unlike having a favorite child, I think you need to have a favorite part, quality, personality trait, in each and every child you have.  I would guess there is already plenty in Literature about how someone got "the shaft" because they were not treated well or equitably by their parents.  Oh yeah!  There already is at least one famous story out there... Cinderella!

My three adult children are all different, and to that end, what each of them needs, desires and aspires to is quite different.  I think the goal of an effective, dare I even say good parent, is to figure out how to play to those parts.  See what each child needs, don't concentrate on equal, concentrate on meeting needs.  And honestly, even though we may want to give our children all that they want, that is probably not the best idea for their long term development.  I think the Rolling Stones say it best in the line "You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes well you might find you get what you need."

How that looks is different for everyone.  It may mean you help your adult kids with a home purchase, or your new teacher with a car, or your son with his next quest to be a Steady-Cam operator.  In reality, it has nothing to do with money at all.  Actually, it is probably best demonstrated by my friend Eileen's story about Easter with her three daughters years ago.  She made sure that each child's basket had equal amounts of candy and fluff and fun.  I am going to go out on a limb here though, and bet that in each of those baskets the bunnies were different.... I  bet there was a yellow one, a purple one and a pink one... depending on what each child's favorite color was... just sayin'.

So, here's to embracing our kids, celebrating their uniqueness and striving always to help them become who they truly are.

 

                                                 I love this picture.....

 Until next time,

Pam

Remember

O.K.

Remember to celebrate each day and take good care of the ones you love!!!!!!

That is it......


Until next time,

Pam

A Sense of Humour

Hello....


One of my favorite books that I used to read when I was teaching preschool was "My Mom Hates Me In January".   I used to love to read this to the kids that were 3 and 4 and see what they thought.  If, by chance they were aware that when you live in a cold and snowy winter climate, that sometimes their parents weren't
quite as excited about those continuing snowy and cold days...

Maybe the answer is ....It depends.

So, even though today is actually March 13th and it truly is still cold and though not snowing, there is an ample amount of snow on the ground...and I am listening to Al Roker predict another big snow event on it's way to the East Coast....have fun today!

Go out... play in the snow with your kids, do something fun, enjoy the whole kid thing, act like a big one yourself today!

What a great example that is!  You may even laugh a lot or be surprised.

Who knows, you could be surprised like my daughter Megan was. She was given  Hot Chocolate with Whisky from her Cleveland neighbor, after Megan chose to play in the snow with her snowblower and cleared off her neighbor's driveway. That will make you smile!

Have fun today....Be a Big Kid!

Until next time,

Pam

Taking a Risk.....

Hello All!


Last time I wrote I talked about different mindsets and shared the book I have been reading.
I have read more of it.  "mindset" is the title.

I think part of being a good parent, well maybe effective parent or mindful parent may be a better way to define this behavior, is to try and be a good example of all the things we tell our kids to do.  Part of the continuing process of growing in life, for our kids, for us, for families, is to learn how to take risks that are purposeful and that demonstrate growth.  By putting ourselves out there and taking mindful risks, we demonstrate that "our talk and our walk" match and are consistent.

So, to that end, I have taken a new risk.  We will see how it plays out.

One of the goals I have shared with my family is to write a Children's Book.  I have been thinking about it and working on ideas for a couple of years, and now have completed a manuscript.    10 days ago I decided to take a risk and signed on with a self publisher.  

Do I hope the project is wildly successful?  Yes, I do.  Is that the main goal?  Nope, the purpose is to "just do it".

Ok... here's to risking it!


Until next time,

Pam

Growth Mindset

Hi All!

I can not take credit for the title today....

Just wanted to suggest that the whole purpose of parenting is to help our kids grow into healthy competent people.

Also, we want to continue to grow and set a good example and love ourselves well, so that our kids can see how to evolve throughout all of life.

So, to that end, I want to share a book.  My daughter, Megan, who I believe is an educator and person extraordinaire, suggested this title to me.

Last weekend we, as a family, spent a lot of time talking.  Members of our family were waiting on some news, and it was a long weekend.  I can say that thankfully, all is well and I am extremely grateful!  Through the process of waiting and not being able to do anything except talk and in our case, pray, Megan shared this book.  I highly recommend it.

All of us struggle I think, at times and to that end, I found this so helpful and educational and growth oriented, because that is what we all strive for... to become.  For our kids to become the people they are meant to be, and for us to both help them get there, and evolve well ourselves.

The book is "mindset"  by Carol S. Dweck, Ph.D


Happy growing...


Until next time,
Pam

Love

Hello,


I just need to say that when you are a parent, love is all they need.

When you love your children well, you can not make the world perfect for them, no matter how much you hoped you could.   You can, though always let them know they are never alone.  You are there, always.

Happy Valentines...

Until next time,
Pam

R words... Resolutions, Rebalancing, Rebooting

Hello All!

It has been a while.  I have been carrying a notebook around in case I had any ideas or notions of what to write about.

In the last month we all started a new year.  A time of new beginnings, new opportunities, and new challenges.  I like to think that most of what life presents are opportunities, some better than others. That is where the title comes in, and is what I am working on.

At the beginning of any new year, we hear about all sorts of New Year's resolutions.  It has become a constant in society, lots of talk around the start of each new calendar year.   People make resolutions, plans on how to change and improve their lives.  I do too.  I try to sit down somewhere near the beginning of the year and think about how I want to evolve.  I like the word evolve.  It is a verb that means to" develop gradually and naturally; devise; unfold, open out".

I went to a conference in November, and had the chance to see an educator and presenter that I admire. She spoke to the fact, that although she loved what she had been doing, it was now time to "reboot".  She said she came up with that idea, instead of retiring.  Retiring sounded too staid and old to her, and I have to say I grabbed onto the idea.

If we are lucky enough to hang around a long time, we will get a lot of chances to "reboot".  At the place I am at in life, I am now more of an advisor and hopefully role model to my/our children.  As I have said, they are all grown and live on their own and have their own lives.

Recently I had the chance to reconnect with a person I  had not seen for a while. She chose to share with me all the challenges, changes and new opportunities she had and is experiencing in her own life.  I was honored and thrilled that she shared her ideas and thoughts with me.  She is an example of a woman who is rebalancing and rebooting and evolving on terms that matter to her, even if her Mom is not able to support her at this time.  I thought a lot about that.

Each of us, no matter where we are along the spectrum of life, want to be accepted and validated and truly loved unconditionally by our parents.  I know that for some people that is easier than for others.  I guess the conundrum of parenting is that we truly have to demonstrate that our love is  unconditional.   I like the older version of the movie "Dirty Dancing" with Jennifer Grey.  She has a falling out with her father at one point in the movie, and she says to him "If you love me, you have to love all of me", and also says something to the effect that he can not just love her for the parts he likes, but also for the parts he does not.

A few years ago, when I began my first attempts at writing this blog, I proposed that unconditional love was one of the tenets of good parenting.  I have to say I believe that even more today.

This past weekend, we had the chance to attend a wedding in Los Angeles (why I came back to Chicago is beyond me with all this cold!)  While we were there, we got to spend time with our kids, and Max and our nephew and many of Anne's friends.  During that time, we heard about what they were all doing, and how their lives were evolving.  We got to listen.

After Bill and I got back, we were talking about how interesting it is to see what people evolve into and how they design their lives.  Honestly, it is hard to not want to tell your kids what to do, but I guess that is just it.  We have to take the opportunity to evolve and continually try to give our kids, no matter what age they are, the gift of unconditional love.  I think it pays off....

When we landed and I turned my phone on, I had 3 great messages, one from each of our kids.  They were thanking us for just that, loving them well enough to allow,  support and encourage them to be who they need to be.

O.K. !

So far, so good.  I am working hard on this whole rebooting thing. Knowing that my goal now is to love my kids unconditionally enough to let them be.  Let them be, so they can become more of their own true selves each year.  It's hard!  So, I am being thoughtful about resolutions, and rebalancing and continually "rebooting".

Happy evolving!

Until next time,

Pam