Hi!
What has been percolating around in this head of mine? I am excited to write later this week...
Pam
Monday, July 9, 2012
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
What do you think?
Hi All...
Quick idea for today. What would you choose, having your kids or having more time?
Thoughts?
Sunday, May 20, 2012
Life and It's Stuff...
Hello...
Well...yes, it has been while since I wrote anything..
Life and it's stuff...you know we all go through stuff. I know that sounds random and maybe even a bit goofy, but it is a very true statement.
I used to think that as we got older life would sort of even out, it would be more calm, and more predictable...HA! What a ruse that was. Don't get me wrong here, I am not using this forum to complain or do any kind of "baby whiner" stuff here...just saying. Life...it is full...full of a lot of "stuff".
To illustrate my point. I was honored yesterday by a lovely group of women who took it upon themselves to throw a retirement party and celebration for myself, and my teaching partner. We have both chosen to step out of that role, and move onto another adventure in life. I had a lovely time, it was so kind and thoughtful of this group of younger women to do this for me. However, (remember I am going to try hard and not use the word but....) it was also sort of an out of body experience. Here I am, at a new point in life, yes I am happy with my decision, but the very word "retirement" makes me think WHAT??? Not that I have not given this a lot of thought, I have, but it is quite crazy to me that I am already at that point in my life. I am of course going to sound so cliche here, but oh well, when I say that I can hardly believe that I am ready and at that stage and age ....already...
So, what does this mean? I truly do not know. I have some vague idea of what I think I would like to do next, and how I would like to have this next phase in life evolve. I would even like to think that I am brave enough to say that I have it all figured out, but alas, that would be a big fat lie. There we have it, back to the title...Life and stuff.
I have been lucky enough to have reached this point in life, and have hopefully tried to live it well, with meaning and integrity and purpose. However, ( see I am sticking to my rule) I may be deluding myself. Who knows if that is truly the case? I hope it is, I would like to think it is. I do know that one of my greatest qualities, and maybe also biggest flaws, is that I truly do think a lot! I like to ponder and assess and evaluate and then decide. Sometimes it makes my head hurt. This gets in to the true crux of "Life and Stuff".
We all set out with a plan I think. An idea in our heads of what our life will be, and of course how we want it to evolve. I am truly blessed. My life so far, is quite lovely. Of course there have been less than stellar times along the way, and that is the "stuff" that happens. I also think that as my husband and I raised our kids, we were pretty blessed with the quality and type of relationship we had with our kids. Of course, we put a lot of time and energy into it. I know that at times I would even say I was a bit obsessive about trying hard to provide the exact quality parenting that would make my children have the type and kind of life I felt they deserved.....AND there we have more "stuff".
In the last few weeks I have had conversations with all three of my adult kids, well actually I talk with them quite a lot. Now this may surprise you, but I do not get to be in charge of ANYTHING that happens in their lives. That is a fact and also part of the
"stuff" in life. I had a delusion that if my husband and I did our job well, our kids lives would be perfect. Of course I am kidding when I say that, but one can hope, right? I actually have to admit that at times I even felt quite smug that I knew we were doing so many things right in our parenting, that our kids would be spared the big hurts of life. And...all of you smart people out there, know how wrong and misguided that thought was. Maybe I needed to think that because I really know that it does matter how much time and effort you put into guiding and helping your kids grow. Here it is though, more "stuff". Unfortunately, that is not how life works.
I do know that the longer I am around, I do feel like I am gaining wisdom. I do know that the phrase "this too shall pass" is true, but it actually does suck, (bad word) when you are in the middle of waiting for some thing to pass. I have had that experience myself in the last 6 weeks...a health thing, as of course many of us do throughout life, and yes it has passed and I am grateful.. Now onto my kids...
When your kids are hurting, or going through a time of challenge and growth, I do not care how old they are, you want to help fix it. The part that is hard, is that I can't do that. As much as I would like to, I can not solve or fix or change the situations in my kids lives that are hard, and cause them pain. I can add a measure of aid and wisdom I hope, but somehow that seems trivial...
When our kids are little, we can usually be their champion, their hero, their problem solver. When they are adults, we can not. I would like to say it is enough to provide good council, but honestly, for me it isn't. Just saying.... I would still like to be able to solve their hurts, and their worries, and the parts of their lives that are harder. Yet, I guess that "stuff" of life is theirs, and ultimately my ability to solve the problem would diminish their own self discovery. Yes, more "stuff". Each of us has the right and the challenge, and ultimately the joy of learning and growing and evolving on our own. I actually hate that part sometimes. No matter what I would like to think, that is how "life and stuff" works.
So, as I sit here at 11:21 at night in my p.j.s thinking about all this. I admit it. I do not know all the answers. I do not have the ability to see through a crystal ball and know what will happen and how all of "life and stuff" will turn out. I do know though that if I wait long enough, life will show the way. That is just how it is. I don't know if I will ever be able to completely give up the idea that I can affect change and outcomes though, somehow that would just seem wrong. As a Mom, I have to at least think I can help....right?
Until next time,
Pam
Well...yes, it has been while since I wrote anything..
Life and it's stuff...you know we all go through stuff. I know that sounds random and maybe even a bit goofy, but it is a very true statement.
I used to think that as we got older life would sort of even out, it would be more calm, and more predictable...HA! What a ruse that was. Don't get me wrong here, I am not using this forum to complain or do any kind of "baby whiner" stuff here...just saying. Life...it is full...full of a lot of "stuff".
To illustrate my point. I was honored yesterday by a lovely group of women who took it upon themselves to throw a retirement party and celebration for myself, and my teaching partner. We have both chosen to step out of that role, and move onto another adventure in life. I had a lovely time, it was so kind and thoughtful of this group of younger women to do this for me. However, (remember I am going to try hard and not use the word but....) it was also sort of an out of body experience. Here I am, at a new point in life, yes I am happy with my decision, but the very word "retirement" makes me think WHAT??? Not that I have not given this a lot of thought, I have, but it is quite crazy to me that I am already at that point in my life. I am of course going to sound so cliche here, but oh well, when I say that I can hardly believe that I am ready and at that stage and age ....already...
So, what does this mean? I truly do not know. I have some vague idea of what I think I would like to do next, and how I would like to have this next phase in life evolve. I would even like to think that I am brave enough to say that I have it all figured out, but alas, that would be a big fat lie. There we have it, back to the title...Life and stuff.
I have been lucky enough to have reached this point in life, and have hopefully tried to live it well, with meaning and integrity and purpose. However, ( see I am sticking to my rule) I may be deluding myself. Who knows if that is truly the case? I hope it is, I would like to think it is. I do know that one of my greatest qualities, and maybe also biggest flaws, is that I truly do think a lot! I like to ponder and assess and evaluate and then decide. Sometimes it makes my head hurt. This gets in to the true crux of "Life and Stuff".
We all set out with a plan I think. An idea in our heads of what our life will be, and of course how we want it to evolve. I am truly blessed. My life so far, is quite lovely. Of course there have been less than stellar times along the way, and that is the "stuff" that happens. I also think that as my husband and I raised our kids, we were pretty blessed with the quality and type of relationship we had with our kids. Of course, we put a lot of time and energy into it. I know that at times I would even say I was a bit obsessive about trying hard to provide the exact quality parenting that would make my children have the type and kind of life I felt they deserved.....AND there we have more "stuff".
In the last few weeks I have had conversations with all three of my adult kids, well actually I talk with them quite a lot. Now this may surprise you, but I do not get to be in charge of ANYTHING that happens in their lives. That is a fact and also part of the
"stuff" in life. I had a delusion that if my husband and I did our job well, our kids lives would be perfect. Of course I am kidding when I say that, but one can hope, right? I actually have to admit that at times I even felt quite smug that I knew we were doing so many things right in our parenting, that our kids would be spared the big hurts of life. And...all of you smart people out there, know how wrong and misguided that thought was. Maybe I needed to think that because I really know that it does matter how much time and effort you put into guiding and helping your kids grow. Here it is though, more "stuff". Unfortunately, that is not how life works.
I do know that the longer I am around, I do feel like I am gaining wisdom. I do know that the phrase "this too shall pass" is true, but it actually does suck, (bad word) when you are in the middle of waiting for some thing to pass. I have had that experience myself in the last 6 weeks...a health thing, as of course many of us do throughout life, and yes it has passed and I am grateful.. Now onto my kids...
When your kids are hurting, or going through a time of challenge and growth, I do not care how old they are, you want to help fix it. The part that is hard, is that I can't do that. As much as I would like to, I can not solve or fix or change the situations in my kids lives that are hard, and cause them pain. I can add a measure of aid and wisdom I hope, but somehow that seems trivial...
When our kids are little, we can usually be their champion, their hero, their problem solver. When they are adults, we can not. I would like to say it is enough to provide good council, but honestly, for me it isn't. Just saying.... I would still like to be able to solve their hurts, and their worries, and the parts of their lives that are harder. Yet, I guess that "stuff" of life is theirs, and ultimately my ability to solve the problem would diminish their own self discovery. Yes, more "stuff". Each of us has the right and the challenge, and ultimately the joy of learning and growing and evolving on our own. I actually hate that part sometimes. No matter what I would like to think, that is how "life and stuff" works.
So, as I sit here at 11:21 at night in my p.j.s thinking about all this. I admit it. I do not know all the answers. I do not have the ability to see through a crystal ball and know what will happen and how all of "life and stuff" will turn out. I do know though that if I wait long enough, life will show the way. That is just how it is. I don't know if I will ever be able to completely give up the idea that I can affect change and outcomes though, somehow that would just seem wrong. As a Mom, I have to at least think I can help....right?
Until next time,
Pam
Friday, February 24, 2012
Epic
Hello All!
Where to begin? I have been entrenched in wedding lalapalooza for the last 2 months. My, well I should accurately say, our because I certainly did not make her on my own, daughter got married last Saturday, February 18th, 2012. Our whole family has been working towards this date since December of 2010 when my son in law, Mr. Patrick Martins, officially asked our daughter, Anne, to marry him, and she said "yes".
I have written a number of blog posts since Anne and Patrick became engaged. I don't think I have talked about them a lot though, because there were probably some other things on my mind, or other ideas I had spinning around, or something like that. However, (remember I said I was eliminating the word "But" from my online vocab:) today it is allllllll about them and what they just did!
Since last December 2010 much has happened. Of course, regular life has progressed and evolved with all that that entails; work, school, travel, dinners, birthdays, holidays.... regular days...etc...... yet the underlying goal was to work towards February 18th 2012. Many, and I do mean MANY people were involved in creating just this one day. It was truly astounding how much time and thought and plain old sweat went into that one day. Any of you who have been lucky enough to be at that point in life where your child, now all grown up, says he or she is getting married, know what I am talking about.
Whenever I write these posts, I sit in our dining room. Today, as I write, I am surrounded by the files, and folders, and response cards, of wedding planning, and hundreds of photos of photo documentation of how the whole backdrop and landscape of the wedding evolved. Photos of a tent being constructed, and I use the word "tent" lightly because structure is more accurate. I have the evidence of how the whole event came to be. It was like a giant metamorphosis....a single beam, piece of canvas, and finally a magical landscape. Kind of like one of the children's books I love best, where a single egg laid on a leaf in the moonlight becomes a beautiful butterfly.
My husband and I arrived a week before the wedding at our home in the Florida Keys, which is where Anne and Patrick wanted to have their wedding. When we first arrived, it was dark and I had no idea of what was evolving in our backyard. When the next day dawned and we first glimpsed what was happening, we were in awe....the months of planning and designing and creating, were now happening. My husband then began his I-Pad assault. He started taking photos on his I-Pad of each step in the process. He sent numerous, ( and I do mean NUMEROUS) photos of this backyard transformation to everyone. Our son teased him that he could have actually bundled all the pictures together. My husband, of course, shared some choice words with him...and continued his assault! Anne, the bride, said that this is what happens when you give a 55 year old CEO and I -Pad! :) The process of building and constructing and creating continued for 7 days. ( Yikes! I just realized that sounds almost biblical.)
Throughout those 7 days, people began to arrive. Family, the bride and groom, the best man, the maid of honor, the chefs and kitchen staff, who are Anne and Patrick's friends, more close friends, more family , the officiant, and finally, the band. With the arrival of each new group of people, the excitement grew. We began to celebrate. We hosted dinners, and toasted and began to revel in the realization that Anne and Patrick were here...at this place...at this time. The answer of "Yes" to a single question, had led all of us to this tipping point.
Friday arrived. The day of the rehearsal, the time of final preparation. Patrick hosted the dinner on a beautiful beach. He, along with his Mother and friends, had prepared a spectacular venue for all of us. The night was beautiful, the stars were plentiful, the music was fun and upbeat, the love and friendship evident. The food, which was so important to both Patrick and Anne, prepared by their friends, was spectacular. Simple and delicious and perfect. Patrick, himself, helped serve as a gesture of gratitude to all who came and were there for him and for Anne. At the end of the evening, as Bill and I said goodnight and thanks to Patrick, he said, " OK, now I hand this off to the Saxelbys. Tomorrow is all you." We hugged him and promised him, we would do a good job.
Saturday dawned. It was a beautiful morning. The weather seemed to have a promise in it. A promise of beauty. My husband and I knew this was an epic day. Today we would give our daughter to the man she loves. As the morning continued, Anne woke up and we shared a cup of coffee together. She looked exhilarated and excited and gloriously happy. She began to have an extraordinary smile on her face that seemed to say everything, ''Today, I get to marry the man I love, the person I have been looking for, and now have found." That smile stayed on her face the entire day and afternoon and evening.
People began to arrive in swarms. Anne's sister, Megan, arrived. Her friends arrived. Hair and makeup people arrived. Food and drink arrived. The cake arrived with Anne's friend, Kelly, who began to put in together in the middle of our kitchen. People with flowers and linen and glass and candles and lights and more and more flowers arrived. Anne's brother and grandmother arrived. The tents began to become alive with color and light and beauty. A hupa was created, more flowers arrived. Lights were placed in hurricane jars along the path for the bridal party to enter. Lights were placed on the beach to light the water as dusk approached. Guests began to arrive, the band began to play and then, Magic happened.
I saw Patrick. He had arrived and was walking around with his friends and Best Man, Toby. Bill, my husband went down to see him. Bill said Patrick looked awed and delighted and happy. All was in place. It was time.
The music began. Grandmothers were seated, Patrick walked in with his Mother, she took her seat, and the rest of the wedding party began their arrival. Anne and Bill and I were upstairs on our porch watching all of this happen. Anne was hidden waiting for her moment to arrive. The music changed, and now Bill and I walked downstairs. The music changed again, and Anne walked down the stairs and came to meet us. We held hands, all 3 of us, and walked down the aisle to where Patrick was waiting for her. His smile was amazing, his look said it all, and Anne had never stopped smiling. Bill and then I hugged and kissed Anne and hugged and kissed Patrick. It was time for the ceremony to begin.
As the ceremony began, Brian, the officiant, asked for a moment. A moment for everyone to look around at the beauty and love that was in this place and time and be present. Be present, be alive, be aware. Everyone did. Anne and Patrick had written their own vows. As I listened to each of them share their words of love and joy and commitment to each other, my heart experienced an almost visible sense of joy. A sense that life had brought these 2 people to this place, this time, this moment. It became official. Brian said, "By the power vested in me by the State of Florida, I now pronounce you husband and wife!" Mayhem ensued. Whooping and yelling and flat out hollering began. Now it was time to celebrate and eat and drink and dance with joy, which of course we all did!
As I reach this point in my "epic" I chose to look up the definition of this word. The Oxford dictionary definition of "epic" is "Adventures of heroic figure etc." Well, I am going to go with this. The heroic figures in this epic adventure are Anne and Patrick. They have chosen to write their own script. And as anyone knows, adventure heros are strong and brave and loyal. I just wonder what color their hero suits will be?
Until next time,
Pam
(There you go Sarah. :) Let Emily and Alyssa know too.
Where to begin? I have been entrenched in wedding lalapalooza for the last 2 months. My, well I should accurately say, our because I certainly did not make her on my own, daughter got married last Saturday, February 18th, 2012. Our whole family has been working towards this date since December of 2010 when my son in law, Mr. Patrick Martins, officially asked our daughter, Anne, to marry him, and she said "yes".
I have written a number of blog posts since Anne and Patrick became engaged. I don't think I have talked about them a lot though, because there were probably some other things on my mind, or other ideas I had spinning around, or something like that. However, (remember I said I was eliminating the word "But" from my online vocab:) today it is allllllll about them and what they just did!
Since last December 2010 much has happened. Of course, regular life has progressed and evolved with all that that entails; work, school, travel, dinners, birthdays, holidays.... regular days...etc...... yet the underlying goal was to work towards February 18th 2012. Many, and I do mean MANY people were involved in creating just this one day. It was truly astounding how much time and thought and plain old sweat went into that one day. Any of you who have been lucky enough to be at that point in life where your child, now all grown up, says he or she is getting married, know what I am talking about.
Whenever I write these posts, I sit in our dining room. Today, as I write, I am surrounded by the files, and folders, and response cards, of wedding planning, and hundreds of photos of photo documentation of how the whole backdrop and landscape of the wedding evolved. Photos of a tent being constructed, and I use the word "tent" lightly because structure is more accurate. I have the evidence of how the whole event came to be. It was like a giant metamorphosis....a single beam, piece of canvas, and finally a magical landscape. Kind of like one of the children's books I love best, where a single egg laid on a leaf in the moonlight becomes a beautiful butterfly.
My husband and I arrived a week before the wedding at our home in the Florida Keys, which is where Anne and Patrick wanted to have their wedding. When we first arrived, it was dark and I had no idea of what was evolving in our backyard. When the next day dawned and we first glimpsed what was happening, we were in awe....the months of planning and designing and creating, were now happening. My husband then began his I-Pad assault. He started taking photos on his I-Pad of each step in the process. He sent numerous, ( and I do mean NUMEROUS) photos of this backyard transformation to everyone. Our son teased him that he could have actually bundled all the pictures together. My husband, of course, shared some choice words with him...and continued his assault! Anne, the bride, said that this is what happens when you give a 55 year old CEO and I -Pad! :) The process of building and constructing and creating continued for 7 days. ( Yikes! I just realized that sounds almost biblical.)
Throughout those 7 days, people began to arrive. Family, the bride and groom, the best man, the maid of honor, the chefs and kitchen staff, who are Anne and Patrick's friends, more close friends, more family , the officiant, and finally, the band. With the arrival of each new group of people, the excitement grew. We began to celebrate. We hosted dinners, and toasted and began to revel in the realization that Anne and Patrick were here...at this place...at this time. The answer of "Yes" to a single question, had led all of us to this tipping point.
Friday arrived. The day of the rehearsal, the time of final preparation. Patrick hosted the dinner on a beautiful beach. He, along with his Mother and friends, had prepared a spectacular venue for all of us. The night was beautiful, the stars were plentiful, the music was fun and upbeat, the love and friendship evident. The food, which was so important to both Patrick and Anne, prepared by their friends, was spectacular. Simple and delicious and perfect. Patrick, himself, helped serve as a gesture of gratitude to all who came and were there for him and for Anne. At the end of the evening, as Bill and I said goodnight and thanks to Patrick, he said, " OK, now I hand this off to the Saxelbys. Tomorrow is all you." We hugged him and promised him, we would do a good job.
Saturday dawned. It was a beautiful morning. The weather seemed to have a promise in it. A promise of beauty. My husband and I knew this was an epic day. Today we would give our daughter to the man she loves. As the morning continued, Anne woke up and we shared a cup of coffee together. She looked exhilarated and excited and gloriously happy. She began to have an extraordinary smile on her face that seemed to say everything, ''Today, I get to marry the man I love, the person I have been looking for, and now have found." That smile stayed on her face the entire day and afternoon and evening.
People began to arrive in swarms. Anne's sister, Megan, arrived. Her friends arrived. Hair and makeup people arrived. Food and drink arrived. The cake arrived with Anne's friend, Kelly, who began to put in together in the middle of our kitchen. People with flowers and linen and glass and candles and lights and more and more flowers arrived. Anne's brother and grandmother arrived. The tents began to become alive with color and light and beauty. A hupa was created, more flowers arrived. Lights were placed in hurricane jars along the path for the bridal party to enter. Lights were placed on the beach to light the water as dusk approached. Guests began to arrive, the band began to play and then, Magic happened.
I saw Patrick. He had arrived and was walking around with his friends and Best Man, Toby. Bill, my husband went down to see him. Bill said Patrick looked awed and delighted and happy. All was in place. It was time.
The music began. Grandmothers were seated, Patrick walked in with his Mother, she took her seat, and the rest of the wedding party began their arrival. Anne and Bill and I were upstairs on our porch watching all of this happen. Anne was hidden waiting for her moment to arrive. The music changed, and now Bill and I walked downstairs. The music changed again, and Anne walked down the stairs and came to meet us. We held hands, all 3 of us, and walked down the aisle to where Patrick was waiting for her. His smile was amazing, his look said it all, and Anne had never stopped smiling. Bill and then I hugged and kissed Anne and hugged and kissed Patrick. It was time for the ceremony to begin.
As the ceremony began, Brian, the officiant, asked for a moment. A moment for everyone to look around at the beauty and love that was in this place and time and be present. Be present, be alive, be aware. Everyone did. Anne and Patrick had written their own vows. As I listened to each of them share their words of love and joy and commitment to each other, my heart experienced an almost visible sense of joy. A sense that life had brought these 2 people to this place, this time, this moment. It became official. Brian said, "By the power vested in me by the State of Florida, I now pronounce you husband and wife!" Mayhem ensued. Whooping and yelling and flat out hollering began. Now it was time to celebrate and eat and drink and dance with joy, which of course we all did!
As I reach this point in my "epic" I chose to look up the definition of this word. The Oxford dictionary definition of "epic" is "Adventures of heroic figure etc." Well, I am going to go with this. The heroic figures in this epic adventure are Anne and Patrick. They have chosen to write their own script. And as anyone knows, adventure heros are strong and brave and loyal. I just wonder what color their hero suits will be?
Until next time,
Pam
(There you go Sarah. :) Let Emily and Alyssa know too.
Monday, January 9, 2012
My Husband's Mirror
Hello All!
Happy New Year! I know that I get inspired each year around this time to think about what I can do differently in my life. What can I do that would make a difference in how my life works? This morning, actually just a little bit ago, I was upstairs drying my hair, (yes, it was late morning...I made a choice to try and work out hard...that is another one of my decisions as the new year begins) and I was looking at the mirror above my husband's sink. For anyone, like my kids who have been up there, and a few family members, it is a place of inspiration.
My Husband's mirror...a place, a spot of inspiration. I tease him that very soon he won't actually be able to use his mirror for it's actual intended purpose...to look at himself. But, maybe, what he is actually doing is trying to make himself look more closely, see what is important, not just if he shaved well that day.
I noticed this morning, that he had added a new item. See, his mirror is covered with articles, photos, notes of inspiration, cards, and pictures, and his newest addition is the cover of a recent Sports Illustrated. On this cover, is a photo of a young man from the Rutgers Football team who was severely injured. He is now in a wheel chair, and to be honest, I do not know exactly what his whole story is, but the title beneath his photo is the word "Choice".
Choice, a simple word, but perhaps not such a simple action. I decided to look up the official definition of the word "Choice". On the same page, maybe not too coincidentally is the word "Choke"...:) "Choice* noun* act of choosing; thing or person chosen; range to choose from; power to choose* adjective*of superior quality."
"Of superior quality"...what a phrase! That must be the idea behind the Sports Illustrated Staff choosing this young man as their cover. He has made the choice to move forward, make his life what he can, the best that he can, and choose to keep going, and growing and evolving. He has chosen to be "of superior quality". I feel humbled.
I am thinking about how to now myself be" of superior quality". How can I live that...I guess that means one thing for sure, that I have to stop being a baby whiner about some things in my life, like the fact that I wish I could see my kids more often and have Sunday dinners together, or maybe be in a warmer climate more, or maybe be 10 pounds skinnier...worrying about that stuff is NOT going to make me a person "of superior quality" :) So, what do I do? I guess I am going to have to choose, decide, make a choice.
As this new year revs up, I am going to try hard to choose well. To be a person of "superior quality" means I have to think about what I can do to accomplish that in all the areas of my life where it matters, and, I suppose that would be in each area; my personal life, my physical life, my spiritual life, my professional life, and family life. I guess I am going to have to be in charge of myself, take good care of myself, grow professionally, and take good care of my family. Maybe I have to continue to figure out how to make "I" and "We" and "Us" all work. How to be a woman and wife to be proud of, a teacher that inspires, a friend that helps, a daughter who cares, and in one of my most important roles, a mother that is stellar. A mother that chooses to continue to evolve well and grow with her kids, a parent who chooses to see what is needed at each stage, and makes the choices needed to help each of her kids, now all adults, as needed and as wanted, which can even require doing nothing! Letting my children be...with the knowledge that they are able and competent and strong enough to choose for themselves.
My Husband's mirror...I think I may need to take the time to look at it more!
Until next time and Happy New Year,
Pam
Happy New Year! I know that I get inspired each year around this time to think about what I can do differently in my life. What can I do that would make a difference in how my life works? This morning, actually just a little bit ago, I was upstairs drying my hair, (yes, it was late morning...I made a choice to try and work out hard...that is another one of my decisions as the new year begins) and I was looking at the mirror above my husband's sink. For anyone, like my kids who have been up there, and a few family members, it is a place of inspiration.
My Husband's mirror...a place, a spot of inspiration. I tease him that very soon he won't actually be able to use his mirror for it's actual intended purpose...to look at himself. But, maybe, what he is actually doing is trying to make himself look more closely, see what is important, not just if he shaved well that day.
I noticed this morning, that he had added a new item. See, his mirror is covered with articles, photos, notes of inspiration, cards, and pictures, and his newest addition is the cover of a recent Sports Illustrated. On this cover, is a photo of a young man from the Rutgers Football team who was severely injured. He is now in a wheel chair, and to be honest, I do not know exactly what his whole story is, but the title beneath his photo is the word "Choice".
Choice, a simple word, but perhaps not such a simple action. I decided to look up the official definition of the word "Choice". On the same page, maybe not too coincidentally is the word "Choke"...:) "Choice* noun* act of choosing; thing or person chosen; range to choose from; power to choose* adjective*of superior quality."
"Of superior quality"...what a phrase! That must be the idea behind the Sports Illustrated Staff choosing this young man as their cover. He has made the choice to move forward, make his life what he can, the best that he can, and choose to keep going, and growing and evolving. He has chosen to be "of superior quality". I feel humbled.
I am thinking about how to now myself be" of superior quality". How can I live that...I guess that means one thing for sure, that I have to stop being a baby whiner about some things in my life, like the fact that I wish I could see my kids more often and have Sunday dinners together, or maybe be in a warmer climate more, or maybe be 10 pounds skinnier...worrying about that stuff is NOT going to make me a person "of superior quality" :) So, what do I do? I guess I am going to have to choose, decide, make a choice.
As this new year revs up, I am going to try hard to choose well. To be a person of "superior quality" means I have to think about what I can do to accomplish that in all the areas of my life where it matters, and, I suppose that would be in each area; my personal life, my physical life, my spiritual life, my professional life, and family life. I guess I am going to have to be in charge of myself, take good care of myself, grow professionally, and take good care of my family. Maybe I have to continue to figure out how to make "I" and "We" and "Us" all work. How to be a woman and wife to be proud of, a teacher that inspires, a friend that helps, a daughter who cares, and in one of my most important roles, a mother that is stellar. A mother that chooses to continue to evolve well and grow with her kids, a parent who chooses to see what is needed at each stage, and makes the choices needed to help each of her kids, now all adults, as needed and as wanted, which can even require doing nothing! Letting my children be...with the knowledge that they are able and competent and strong enough to choose for themselves.
My Husband's mirror...I think I may need to take the time to look at it more!
Until next time and Happy New Year,
Pam
Friday, December 2, 2011
The Spirit of Giving...
Hello All!
I was lying on the chiropractors bed...couch...piece of equipment...whatever it is called, and was listening to Smooth Jazz. I think that is the station of choice in all doctors offices, and began thinking about all that has to be done now that it is December and then I realized I was suppose to be relaxing!
The Spirit of Giving. That is was what this whole next few weeks is about. It does not matter what holiday you observe, or practice, or even which ones you don't. The push is on... the retailers and merchants and cyber merchants and advertisers are all over everything. Unless you live on another planet, it would be hard to miss all of this!
I do love Christmas! I love Christmas because of what it means to me and my family. I look at, Christmas as an opportunity to tell all of those people that matter most to me that I love them. I like to shop, well maybe not actually shop, but I do like to decide what gifts I think people might like. I like to anticipate the opening of the presents I have spent time looking for and planning for. I like to start each hectic period of Christmas/Holiday planning with a list of all those people that I would like to give a gift to. I know that sometimes not everyone wants some thing, they may want less, or they may want you to donate to a cause in their name. The point is, that everyone likes to receive gifts...well maybe a gift if someone is trying to keep a low carbon footprint.
In the last year, our family has grown. We now have two additional participants! My daughter is engaged and my son is engaged. With that I get the chance to think about two new people, learn what they like and then try to figure out how to celebrate them through the gifts I choose, in a way that hopes to make them happy. I look forward to this new challenge. I am spending time trying to think about what each one of these people would like and the message that the gifts I choose send to them.
Hmm... the message that the gift sends. The Spirit of Giving. I am working on figuring out how to channel the inner Santa in me that likes to truly go over the top. I am the kind of person who thinks more is better on Christmas morning. I like to think that a large number of packages under the tree is a ton of fun! I still like to count them all and make sure that each person has the same number of packages to open. That of course can lend itself to pure gluttony on my part! I love it, my husband tolerates it and does not ask how much the tally is, because he secretly loves it too. He loves the response on the faces of the gift recipients. He wrote me a beautiful card last year thanking me for all the time and thought I put into trying to make everyone's Christmas fabulous. That is my goal...a daunting one!
This is what I am working on now. ( We did participate in a bit of "Black Friday" shopping last week while my family was out in New York, and then quickly ran back to our hotel and hid.) I am working on figuring out the right kind of giving for each person involved in our family now. My kids, although they are now all adults, are used to my over the top behavior. They are use to me making sure that everyone has the same number of packages and I hope, and actually believe that they delight in this strategy. Now, I am trying to invite the new members of our family into the fold. I want them to have the same number of packages. I want them to know that in doing that, I am trying to make them realize that they are now part of this group...The Saxelbys...plural.
It is tricky this Spirit of Giving thing. What works for me, may not be the ideal for anyone else. Or, what has been the practice for our family, may not be ideal for someone else. So, what I am attempting to do now in the next weeks of planning and buying and preparing, is to pause...yes, pause and think about what works. What works for the people I love most and the people that they love most, and are inviting to be a part of our family. I want to make sure that in the Spirit of Giving, I am truly thinking about it from the perspective of who I am hoping to give to. I think that is it! Hmm...thinking of others.
The Spirit of Giving. In the crazy run up to the holidays, and it is often a true sprint...pause. Pause and think about what message you want to send, what gift sends the type of message you are opening to give, and then enjoy. Maybe the best gift is as simple and lovely as the gift of time. The time to truly enjoy the ones that matter most to you in a way that makes them happy. Time to pause, time to relax, time to celebrate and enjoy the gift of each other. Because, even though I still like the idea of having lots and lots of presents for everyone I love, that is not the true gift. The true gift is the gift of family, and love and time.
The Spirit of Giving....the gift of ourselves to each other. With each holiday season, learning, growing, evolving, celebrating. Celebrating the changes, celebrating people, celebrating time. Time to enjoy those we love most.
Ah Ha! That is it! The best gift, the perfect gift....each other!
Until next time!
Pam
I was lying on the chiropractors bed...couch...piece of equipment...whatever it is called, and was listening to Smooth Jazz. I think that is the station of choice in all doctors offices, and began thinking about all that has to be done now that it is December and then I realized I was suppose to be relaxing!
The Spirit of Giving. That is was what this whole next few weeks is about. It does not matter what holiday you observe, or practice, or even which ones you don't. The push is on... the retailers and merchants and cyber merchants and advertisers are all over everything. Unless you live on another planet, it would be hard to miss all of this!
I do love Christmas! I love Christmas because of what it means to me and my family. I look at, Christmas as an opportunity to tell all of those people that matter most to me that I love them. I like to shop, well maybe not actually shop, but I do like to decide what gifts I think people might like. I like to anticipate the opening of the presents I have spent time looking for and planning for. I like to start each hectic period of Christmas/Holiday planning with a list of all those people that I would like to give a gift to. I know that sometimes not everyone wants some thing, they may want less, or they may want you to donate to a cause in their name. The point is, that everyone likes to receive gifts...well maybe a gift if someone is trying to keep a low carbon footprint.
In the last year, our family has grown. We now have two additional participants! My daughter is engaged and my son is engaged. With that I get the chance to think about two new people, learn what they like and then try to figure out how to celebrate them through the gifts I choose, in a way that hopes to make them happy. I look forward to this new challenge. I am spending time trying to think about what each one of these people would like and the message that the gifts I choose send to them.
Hmm... the message that the gift sends. The Spirit of Giving. I am working on figuring out how to channel the inner Santa in me that likes to truly go over the top. I am the kind of person who thinks more is better on Christmas morning. I like to think that a large number of packages under the tree is a ton of fun! I still like to count them all and make sure that each person has the same number of packages to open. That of course can lend itself to pure gluttony on my part! I love it, my husband tolerates it and does not ask how much the tally is, because he secretly loves it too. He loves the response on the faces of the gift recipients. He wrote me a beautiful card last year thanking me for all the time and thought I put into trying to make everyone's Christmas fabulous. That is my goal...a daunting one!
This is what I am working on now. ( We did participate in a bit of "Black Friday" shopping last week while my family was out in New York, and then quickly ran back to our hotel and hid.) I am working on figuring out the right kind of giving for each person involved in our family now. My kids, although they are now all adults, are used to my over the top behavior. They are use to me making sure that everyone has the same number of packages and I hope, and actually believe that they delight in this strategy. Now, I am trying to invite the new members of our family into the fold. I want them to have the same number of packages. I want them to know that in doing that, I am trying to make them realize that they are now part of this group...The Saxelbys...plural.
It is tricky this Spirit of Giving thing. What works for me, may not be the ideal for anyone else. Or, what has been the practice for our family, may not be ideal for someone else. So, what I am attempting to do now in the next weeks of planning and buying and preparing, is to pause...yes, pause and think about what works. What works for the people I love most and the people that they love most, and are inviting to be a part of our family. I want to make sure that in the Spirit of Giving, I am truly thinking about it from the perspective of who I am hoping to give to. I think that is it! Hmm...thinking of others.
The Spirit of Giving. In the crazy run up to the holidays, and it is often a true sprint...pause. Pause and think about what message you want to send, what gift sends the type of message you are opening to give, and then enjoy. Maybe the best gift is as simple and lovely as the gift of time. The time to truly enjoy the ones that matter most to you in a way that makes them happy. Time to pause, time to relax, time to celebrate and enjoy the gift of each other. Because, even though I still like the idea of having lots and lots of presents for everyone I love, that is not the true gift. The true gift is the gift of family, and love and time.
The Spirit of Giving....the gift of ourselves to each other. With each holiday season, learning, growing, evolving, celebrating. Celebrating the changes, celebrating people, celebrating time. Time to enjoy those we love most.
Ah Ha! That is it! The best gift, the perfect gift....each other!
Until next time!
Pam
Monday, November 14, 2011
Through it all...
Hi all!
I have been thinking as usual, about what to write over these past few weeks. I made a list of titles and thoughts and kept adding to it. I have a whole index card, my high tech method for keeping ideas, of bits and pieces of concepts, and suggestions and maybes. However, and that is my new word of choice instead of but, nothing really inspired me until this morning.
Over this past weekend we had a lot going on! We celebrated engagements, and then worried about someone who had a scary thing happen. We hugged and laughed and smiled and then worried, and hugged and thankfully, smiled again!
Through it all! Life is a series of events that I would like to think I can control, but of course I realize that I am delusional if I believe that is even remotely possible. The older I get, and of course I have to admit I now have to check that box off on forms that says "Age 55 and up", I realize that life gets messier and messier. There is no line, or box or compartment or day or week or month that anyone can count on being what they had planned. There are no guarantees.
When I was a mom of younger children, my focus was on making sure my kids were well taken care of. Now that I am a mom of adult children, that focus has not changed. It just has a different face. My face of course has more lines, though I am attempting to hold them at bay with lots of assist from a good dermatologist, but the structure of the face is the same. Since my children arrived on this earth, my primary goal has been to help them in and through life. Life changes. Life evolves for them and for me.
When kids are little our focus is more on the day to day. The more mundane, perhaps of feeding and bathing and clothing etc. However, to a young mom, there is probably nothing mundane about some of those needs. I know one new mom who is trying to help her husband relax and not worry too much about the type of baby lotion they use. He is being careful about what to put on his new baby. As a mom of adults, I can smile at that, but not value it any less. It is important to him in his evolution as a father.
Now that my kids are all adults, there are times when I have many days of peace. I do not have the day to day worries of care. I can go about my business and feel relatively secure that everyone is good, everything is fine. That is, until you get a phone call. When you get THAT phone call, and all of you who are parents of adults know what I am talking about, life stops for a minute, you listen, and evaluate and then do. You do what you need to do and are asked to do and what is important to do for the person on the other end of the line, namely, your adult child asking you to help them.
We had just such an event this past weekend. Thankfully and gratefully, everyone and everything is fine now. However, during the time of events like what happened this past weekend, you realize that even as your children grow and become grown, they need you... they always need you. They need you for different reasons throughout the stages of their lives, but don't ever kid yourself, they need you.
Children need parents. Without parents, there would be no children and without children, there would be no parents. Through it all, we are all in this wonderful game of life together. Helping, guiding, and most of all...loving.
Loving, the most important concept though it all. Loving means parents will do whatever is needed, whatever is important whatever is asked for, or maybe not even asked for because you know your kids need it and they need your help. So good parents, love your kids well. Love them well at every stage of their lives.
O.K... I am going to go get a wonderfully relaxing cup of coffee now. I am going to celebrate that at this very moment, everyone I love, everyone my children love, everyone in our growing family that we all love is fine....
Hmm....maybe I spoke too soon. My son just called me, and then realized he was getting pulled over on the highway!!!!!!
AHHHHHHHH........
Until next time,
Pam
Until next time,
Pam
I have been thinking as usual, about what to write over these past few weeks. I made a list of titles and thoughts and kept adding to it. I have a whole index card, my high tech method for keeping ideas, of bits and pieces of concepts, and suggestions and maybes. However, and that is my new word of choice instead of but, nothing really inspired me until this morning.
Over this past weekend we had a lot going on! We celebrated engagements, and then worried about someone who had a scary thing happen. We hugged and laughed and smiled and then worried, and hugged and thankfully, smiled again!
Through it all! Life is a series of events that I would like to think I can control, but of course I realize that I am delusional if I believe that is even remotely possible. The older I get, and of course I have to admit I now have to check that box off on forms that says "Age 55 and up", I realize that life gets messier and messier. There is no line, or box or compartment or day or week or month that anyone can count on being what they had planned. There are no guarantees.
When I was a mom of younger children, my focus was on making sure my kids were well taken care of. Now that I am a mom of adult children, that focus has not changed. It just has a different face. My face of course has more lines, though I am attempting to hold them at bay with lots of assist from a good dermatologist, but the structure of the face is the same. Since my children arrived on this earth, my primary goal has been to help them in and through life. Life changes. Life evolves for them and for me.
When kids are little our focus is more on the day to day. The more mundane, perhaps of feeding and bathing and clothing etc. However, to a young mom, there is probably nothing mundane about some of those needs. I know one new mom who is trying to help her husband relax and not worry too much about the type of baby lotion they use. He is being careful about what to put on his new baby. As a mom of adults, I can smile at that, but not value it any less. It is important to him in his evolution as a father.
Now that my kids are all adults, there are times when I have many days of peace. I do not have the day to day worries of care. I can go about my business and feel relatively secure that everyone is good, everything is fine. That is, until you get a phone call. When you get THAT phone call, and all of you who are parents of adults know what I am talking about, life stops for a minute, you listen, and evaluate and then do. You do what you need to do and are asked to do and what is important to do for the person on the other end of the line, namely, your adult child asking you to help them.
We had just such an event this past weekend. Thankfully and gratefully, everyone and everything is fine now. However, during the time of events like what happened this past weekend, you realize that even as your children grow and become grown, they need you... they always need you. They need you for different reasons throughout the stages of their lives, but don't ever kid yourself, they need you.
Children need parents. Without parents, there would be no children and without children, there would be no parents. Through it all, we are all in this wonderful game of life together. Helping, guiding, and most of all...loving.
Loving, the most important concept though it all. Loving means parents will do whatever is needed, whatever is important whatever is asked for, or maybe not even asked for because you know your kids need it and they need your help. So good parents, love your kids well. Love them well at every stage of their lives.
O.K... I am going to go get a wonderfully relaxing cup of coffee now. I am going to celebrate that at this very moment, everyone I love, everyone my children love, everyone in our growing family that we all love is fine....
Hmm....maybe I spoke too soon. My son just called me, and then realized he was getting pulled over on the highway!!!!!!
AHHHHHHHH........
Until next time,
Pam
Until next time,
Pam
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